Drink 126: A is for Apple, Presumably

Apple Pie is not red

Since today is Memorial Day, we thought we should feature a drink that represented America. When I think of America, the first things that come to mind are baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet.  That is probably due to the fact that I spent a large portion of my childhood parked in front of the TV and therefore relate most things to commercial jingles or Brady Bunch episodes.  It is this type of knowledge that is invaluable when trying to get all the jokes in The Simpsons or Bridesmaids.

Anyway, since there was no drink in the Mr. Boston guide called the Chevrolet (what does bankruptcy and bailout taste like? Scotch, I’m guessing.), we decided to go with the Apple Pie No. 1, a combination of rum, apple brandy, sweet vermouth, grenadine, and lemon juice.  Let’s just get this out of the way, this drink tasted nothing like my mom's apple pie.  It did not taste like a Mrs. Smith's apple pie.  It did not taste like a McDonald's apple pie.  It didn't even taste like one of those Hostess Fruit Pies. It had no characteristics of pie or apples. I’m not sure how it could since it only has a teaspoon of apple brandy and no crust whatsoever.  In fairness, adding more apple brandy probably wouldn’t have helped anyway, since apple brandy tastes nothing like apples.

See?
Img: gosmellthecoffee.com

As far as flavor goes, other than the misleading name it wasn’t the worst drink we’ve tried, but it isn’t anything I would ever choose to drink again.  It mostly tasted like lemon juice and sweet vermouth. So if you like those flavors, we definitely recommend this drink.  If you want a drink that tastes like apple pie, you will have to wait and see if the Apple Pie No. 2 does a better job.  It will be a long wait, though, since there is no Apple Pie No. 2 in our book.  I guess they are still working on the recipe.  I would suggest they start by using none of the ingredients in the Apple Pie No 1.

Overall Rating for the Apple Pie No. 1





Taste: 2
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 3
Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 25% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.75 oz Light Rum

1 tsp Apple Brandy

0.75 oz Sweet Vermouth

0.5 tsp Grenadine

1 tsp Lemon Juice

Day 55: Seek and Ye Might Find

Candy Apple Brandy Cocktail Red

Today we have the cleverly named Apple Brandy Cocktail, a mixture of apple brandy, lemon juice, and grenadine.  Even coming in at over 30% alcohol, this drink wasn't bad.  It had a slight sour apple flavor that wasn't over-powering mixed with moderate alcohol notes. Plus it made my tummy warm when I had a sip. The drink's name is a positive, too.  Don't get me wrong,  I like whimsical drink names like Hula-Hula Cocktail as much as the next guy, but there is something to be said for a drink that just tells you what it is.  If someone brings me an Apple Brandy Cocktail I have a pretty good idea of what I’m getting.  If somebody brings me a drink called the El Presidente Cocktail #1 I don’t know in advance that I’m getting a drink that should be called You Will Be Sorry If You Order This.

In that vein, we here at TBIAW would like to reiterate that the purpose of our blog is to review a drink a day from the Mr. Boston Platinum Edition bar guide.  There seems to be some confusion about that based on some of the terms that have lead people here from various search engines. Some of the terms make sense.  I can see why “Tequila Drink” or “Maple Syrup” would land a Googler at TBIAW.   Even the person who searched for “Snickers Drink” would find something that is at least in the same subject area if not an exact match.  I am positive that the person who searched for “The Bottle is a Wonderland” ended up in the right place.  I am also confident he or she should probably bookmark this site.

Some of the people who come here may end up a little let down, though.  The people searching for “health master blender”, “where is the menu bar located”, or “cocktail dress” will not find what they were looking for here.  Protip: The menu bar is located at the top of the window. 

Was that so hard?

There were two searches that ended up here that left me a bit puzzled, though: “Porno animal and woman” and “girls getting it on with barn animals”.  My first reaction when I saw these phrases was “gross”.  My second reaction was “say wha?” How did those searches bring sickos to TBIAW?  I can only come up with two possible answers:  The first is that some search engines think “cocktail” is two words.  The second is that the long discussion of cows and romance in this entry are confusing them.  Maybe it is the photo of the girl and the cow with the naughty but hilarious caption?  Maybe those Ask Jeeves computers aren't as smart as we thought. I bet Watson would have known not to send those queries here.

I hope the animal lover at least stayed and read an entry or two.  That would probably raise his spirits if not his other bits.

Overall Rating for the Apple Brandy Cocktail

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 –  32% alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Apple Brandy

1 tsp Lemon Juice

1 tsp Grenadine

Day 51: You Like Me, You Really Like Me



A Star Cocktail is Born

Mrs. Bottle here to cover today’s exciting events. In honor of the Oscars this evening, we guzzled down the contents that make up the Star Cocktail. Luckily for all eight of our followers, it will not take as long to read today’s blog as it will to watch tonight’s show. Reading it will be like jumping immediately to see the winners of the only awards anyone cares about: best picture, actor, actress, and supporting folk. Sadly, the content might be more akin to Best Sound Mixing because, again, there are only eight people interested.

The Star Cocktail consists of apple brandy, sweet vermouth, and bitters and is garnished with a twist of lemon. The apple brandy we used was the lower end Applejack by Laird’s which technically might not be a real apple brandy. However, I refused to pay $40 for a bottle of Calvados (fancy apple brandy) when I knew they would both taste like burning yuk. Surprisingly, Mr. Bottle and I both enjoyed the Star. It’s definitely strong – an all alcohol cocktail rolls like that. But I felt that the sweet vermouth and bitters helped smooth the flavors. Except maybe at the very end when the alcohol smacks you around.

Winner: Best Button During Academy Awards

Let me take a second to pull out my notes I scribbled on the way to the laptop to thank everyone for my lemon twist award. This garnish is stunning, just like Harry Winston diamonds on Sandra Bullock’s neck. Luckily for the twist, it is not married to a tattooed crazy person whose cheating ways will steal its lemonlight three days after the big win. And like the Oscar attendees I’d like to pat myself on the back for how awesome I am at making the twist. I’m sure that my excellent performance will bring awareness to the importance of twisting lemon peels everywhere. 

Ed. Note: Notice that Mrs. Bottle did not thank Mr. Bottle for making the twist possible

Did you know that you can pay $4.99 to get the “full Oscar experience”? Instead of experiencing the Oscars like never before, I recommend settling down with a tasty Star Cocktail and soon you won’t care that the song from Country Strong didn’t win Best Original Song (something from this movie is nominated?? Seriously?).

Overall Rating for the Star Cocktail

Taste: 3
Presentation: 5 – It was wearing a Bombay Sapphire glass with a stunning twist of lemon
Ease of Preparation: 3 – That garnish is hard- takes a TON of talent
Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 29% Alcohol

 

Ingredients

1 oz Apple Brandy

1 oz Sweet Vermouth

1 dash Bitters