Drink 194: Malibu's Least Wanted

If you are like me you spend most of your time studying Kanye West lyrics. I was recently analyzing his song Monster (with guest vocalists Bon Iver, Rick Ross, Jay-Z, and Nicki Minaj – I’m a little disappointed I wasn’t asked to drop a few rhymes, too) and couldn’t help but notice this line:

Garnish with pâté 

Mix the Goose and Malibu and call it Malibooya

A drink recipe!  Since Kanye likes it we figured it must be good. The die was cast.  We had to try out this Malibooya (or is it Malibu-ja?).   Unfortunately Kanye left the rest of the recipe as an exercise for the listener.  Therefore we had to make some educated guesses about the proportions, serving vessel, and preparation techniques.  Would it have killed him to add some details?

Mix the Goose and Malibu and call it Malibooya

One ounce of each in a chilled shot glass’ll do ya

There, was that so hard?  Maybe he was too busy lining up 13 additional artists to feature on his next track to think about the predicament of the mixologist MC. 

We had to assume that by “Goose”, Mr. West is talking about Grey Goose, although with his high end tastes, there is a reasonable chance he meant pâté de foie gras.  I don’t believe in force feeding most fowl, so we’ll stick with the vodka.  I don’t know if Kanye is aware that Grey Goose is only the third best tasting vodka in the world. Maybe I will send him a tweet. 

The only Grey Goose currently on hand at the Estate is Grey Goose L’Orange so that is what we used.  Since we aren’t allowed to keep Malibu in the house, we had to run to the local ABC store and pick up a mini-bottle.  They only had Malibu Black which has higher proof and less sweetness than regular Malibu but we figured that would be okay.

Tom Brady added for scale

Before we get to the drink, we have to address something about Malibu Rum.  When I say “rum” what country do you think of?  Jamaica? Puerto Rico? (not a country, BTW) Cuba?   What about Malibu? That one is easy: California (also  not a country).  When you see palm trees on a bottle you probably think of someplace tropical.  Well, if you are drinking Malibu Rum, you should be thinking only one thing: “Canada”.  That’s right; Malibu Rum is a product of Canada. Wait, what?  Just another in the long line of products exposed by the TBIAW iTeam.

It also appears the Canucks want to buy New York

If you zoom way in
on the "palm" trees
on the bottle, this is
what you'll find

We put that troubling piece of info out of our minds and prepared the drink.  We decided to go with even proportions of Goose and Malibu and treat it as a shooter.  Mrs. Bottle thought it was like drinking suntan lotion with an SPF rating of gross.  She said it was slightly better if you drink it quickly because you only got the suntan lotion taste at the end.  I agreed that it was bad.  The coconut and orange flavors did not make a good combination, and it was kind of ugly, too. A more appropriate name for the drink would be the Malibutthole.  Which would be worth a minimum of 23 points  in Words With Friends.  

Mrs. Bottle after trying the Malibooya
(Artist's Rendition)

Maybe we made a mistake with the proportions.  Maybe it would be better with regular Malibu.  It is possible the problem was the orange-flavored vodka.  Perhaps we were supposed to use pâté after all. I guess we'll never know.  I can leave you with these words from Kanye, though:

I'm trippin', this drink got me sayin' a lot

Overall Rating for the Malibooya

Taste: 1

Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 38% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Goose

1 oz Malibu

Drink 134: Unblogging

Last week I was trying to measure the distance between two latitude/longitude pairs. Luckily I learned trigonometry in school so I knew that the formula was:

     R * cos^-1(cos(long₁-long₂)cos(lat₁)cos(lat₂)+sin(lat₁)sin(lat₂))

Be sure to convert your latitude/longitude pair to radians before you plug them into the formula!  Or just use Google maps.

That is a fine looking drink

I learned trigonometry not because I wanted to, but because it was required in my school.  It’s a good thing I wasn’t unschooled (and that my Internet was working) or I wouldn’t have been able to make my calculation.  In unschooling, the kids not only do not attend a traditional classroom-based school, they don’t learn anything they don’t want to.   It is like home-schooling to the n^th degree (that is a math term in case you happened to be unschooled).  I have a feeling that left to my own devices I wouldn’t have learned trigonometry.  On the upside, I probably would have been the greatest Atari player in the world.

I heard about unschooling from a story Mrs. Bottle told me about. The kid in the story didn’t learn how to read until he was 10 because he didn’t have a reason to read before then.  I guess up until that point they used a lot of Mr. Yuk stickers and that  game nights were limited to Candyland.   I definitely wouldn’t want someone who can’t read giving me clues in Password.

Honestly, I don’t think his story makes a very convincing case for unschooling.  His 12-year-old brother “is bored a lot because he's in between interests.”  You know what, when I was 12 I was bored a lot, too, but at least I was still learning stuff.  One thing I distinctly remember from science class when I was around that age is that the six simple machines are the wedge, the pulley, the inclined plane, the screw, and two other ones.  I certainly wouldn’t know 67% of the simple machines if I had been left to only learn what I was interested in.  That kind of simple machine knowledge would be really handy if I ever did work around the house.

My favorite part of the article is where the mom makes the case that you shouldn’t force a child to do something the child doesn’t want to do.  There are a lot of kids in my neighborhood, and based on the number of basketballs abandoned in my yard, I’m thinking maybe sometimes they should be forced to do something they don’t want to do.  Like pick up their basketballs.  Consarn it!

This 50ml
bottle is the max
amount of
coconut rum
allowed at the
estate

Enough about that, you are probably anxiously awaiting our review of today’s drink, the Heat Wave. The Heat Wave is made from coconut-flavored rum, peach schnapps, pineapple juice, orange juice, and grenadine.   It was a bit sweet, but overall pretty tasty.  I was surprised since it has both peach schnapps and grenadine, which are two unwelcome ingredients.  Mrs. Bottle dislikes coconut rum as well, but she liked the Heat Wave anyway.  It probably had something to do with the fact that there were 6 ounces of juices to wipe out the less attractive flavors.  “Volume” and "ratios" are also concepts I learned in school.

If you made it this far, I would like to congratulate you on your ability to read and your ability to do something you don’t want to do. You may also be wondering what unschooling has to do with today’s drink, the Heat Wave.  The answer is “nothing.”  That is because I am unblogging today.  I don’t have to write about anything that I am not interested in, and I am not interested in making a connection between the drink and the rest of the post.

Overall Rating for the Heat Wave

 

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 15 –  5% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Coconut-flavored Rum

0.5 oz Peach Schnapps

3 oz Pineapple Juice

3 oz Orange Juice

0.5 oz Grenadine