As a special holiday gift, today’s post comes in poem form.
Twas the day before Xmas and I read through our blog,
It’s been nigh a year since we first tried eggnog.
Not only that, as some did point out,
With less frequency come the drinks that we tout.
Screw this, it will take me all day to make a bunch of rhymes. Our content can stand on its own without resorting to gimmicks. These so-called parodies are often forced and awkwardly worded anyway. It is sort of like the grammatical gyrations you have to go through to avoid ending a sentence in a preposition. This is an example of the type of sentence to which I refer. A friend once taught me a simple solution to this non-problem: Just add the word “a-hole” to the end of your sentence and it no longer causes heartache to any nearby wannabe English teachers.
Wrong: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Right: These aren't the droids you're looking for, a-hole.
|These aren't the grammar rules for which you are looking|
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to the real issue: Why do we use so many colons in our posts? No, that isn’t it, although it is a legitimate issue. The real issue is the seeming abandonment of TBIAW. While it might appear that Mrs. Bottle and I had given up, we haven’t. We are just extremely lazy. It turned out we were no longer willing to take the time to do a bunch of work without remuneration. It also turned out that we are tired of our legions of fans clamoring for fresh posts so here we are.
We are rebooting TBIAW and expect it to be a smashing success. Who among us hasn’t appreciated the recent reboots of Star Trek, Batman, James Bond, and Superman? Well maybe not Superman, but you get the idea. Reboots are so popular that they are rebooting Spiderman only 5 years after the last film from the previous incarnation. I am looking forward to the reboot of the yet to be released Hunger Games. We rebooting up in here so much you’d think we’re running Windows ME. We aren’t quite sure what rebooting our blog entails, but I can tell you that it will be spectacular.
|The rebooted TBIAW includes|
low-resolution poor color balanced
photos taken with an iPod
In order to get into the reboot (and holiday) spirit, today we once again review eggnog. This time instead of the Southern Comfort nog, we had Organic Valley Organic Eggnong. At first I thought the carton said that it was “orgasmic” eggnog. I didn’t know if an orgasm was the cause or the effect of the cartoned cream and it wasn’t something I was willing to find out (although Orgasmic Valley sounds like a fun place to live). Fortunately I soon realized my mistake and poured myself a glass of eggy goodness. And then I poured a ton of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum in there. Maybe a bit too much in my over-excitement about our reboot. It was a bit like drinking creamed gasoline. I added a bit more of the nog after I made some room in the glass and then it was quite delicious. After I realized that a puny 10% alcohol content had me crying like a little girl I understood just out of practice I had become.
Overall Rating for Eggnog
Ease of Preparation: 5
Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 10% Alcohol
5.25 oz Eggnog
2 oz Captain Morgan Spiced Rum