Sunday, July 15, 2012

Drink 199: Lovely 'Rita, Easy Made

Recent studies have shown that 100% of Americans are out of shape (see fig. 1).  Other studies have also shown that Mrs. Bottle and I both love margaritas.  So much so that we have reviewed them no less than five times, not counting the Blue Margarita, but definitely including our most recent post.   

Study consisted of survey of one adult
male located on the Bottle Wonderland Estate.
Margin of error +/- 100%
Although we consider ourselves citizens of the world, we are technically Americans and therefore out of shape. Therefore we have been seeking low calorie margaritas.  Something that is easy to make would be nice, too.  Unrelated side note: Laziness and fitness are highly correlated.

Our last drink, the Bud Light Lime LIME-A-RITA, met the criterion “easy to make” but at 220 calories per 8 oz it feel completely short in the “light” category.  Our next entry is Crystal Light Margarita.  In case you didn’t know, Crystal Light is essentially the same thing as sugar free Kool-Aid.  As far as I can tell, the only difference between the two is the mascot.  Kool-Aid has Kool-Aid Man, and Crystal Light has Linda Evans:

I apologize for not posting this early enough for you to get your free Crystal Light Body Workout on record or audiocassette.  The offer expired on June 24.  1984. 

Last time we used fake Instagram effects.
This time it is the real deal.
Also notice the expert use of terrible lighting.
The Crystal Light Margarita has only five calories per serving (a 25% increase over their 1984 recipe!!).  The flavor isn’t bad.  It is a reasonable approximation of a margarita.   Plus it has no sugar, which is apparently destroying my immune system. The only thing I’m not sure about is why it is listed in the “Mocktails” section of the Crystal Light website.  When Mrs. Bottle brings me one it is loaded with tequila.

Overall Rating for Crystal Light Margarita

Taste: 3
Presentation: 3
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Blackout: 4


Crystal Light
Tequila (to taste)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Drink 198: I do not think it means what you think it means

So I was wandering through one of the dozen Target stores within 10 minutes of the Bottle Wonderland Estate yesterday stocking up on cat litter, coffee pods, and household cleaner and I noticed something glorious: Bud Light Lime LIME-A-RITA.  “Wait, what?” is what any rational person would be thinking right now.  Most of our readers will have to trust me on that.

Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita
I was going to "green screen"
the background but decided
to go with fake Instagram effects

Well, according to the box, Bud Light Lime LIME-A-RITA is “FLAVORED BEER.”  Yum!  One thing I am looking for in a beer is some flavor.  I shot Mrs. Bottle a knowing glance and she returned it. We immediately flung a 12 pack into our cart and sprinted to the checkout. We hadn’t been this simpatico since our decision to give up exercise and let our bodies just take the form God intended.
Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita

We drove home with the intention of putting these bad boys into our blast chiller to rapidly cool them and enjoy some a little later.  Then I noticed that it says right on the box to “try it over ice” so upon our arrival back at the Estate we decided to immediately tear into the package and have some over ice.  As directed by the box.

Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita
If this didn't have so many
kick-ass effects you
would see how my hand
dwarfs the can. You might
also be able to read where
it says "220 Calories"
After the foam settled, I took a big gulp delicate sip. It actually didn’t taste horrible, but I don’t know that there is much difference between drinking this stuff and drinking Zima.  Well, there are a couple of subtle differences:  Alcohol-wise it comes in at 8%, which puts it between a Zima and a Four Loko.  It is packaged in dainty 8 oz cans, too, so you can fit several into your murse, which is nice.

I tried to rationalize this by thinking it could make a tolerable summertime drink when I didn’t have time to whip up a batch of authentic margaritas.   It is made from Bud Light, so at least it will be low calorie, right?  WRONG!  That dinky 8oz can has 220 calories.  220!  That is more calories than a Krispy Kreme doughnut, for Pete’s sake!   Heck, it is 104 more calories than a 12oz Bud Light Lime beer.  Which also has flavor.

I had to learn more so I went to their web site.  Here is the entire contents of the “About” page:

Introducing Lime-A-Rita

The refreshing ready-to-drink margarita with a twist of Bud Light Lime.

Look for it wherever Bud Light Lime is sold!

Now I feel totally informed.

Overall Rating for Bud Light Lime LIME-A-RITA

Taste: 4
Presentation: 2
Ease of Preparation: 5
Drinks Until Blackout: 5


Twist of Bud Light Lime

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