Asked and Answered

Today we feature a new featured feature called “Ask Mr. Bottle” where we answer questions from our readers. 

Our first question comes from Barry in Georgia who asks, “Could you revisit some of the drinks that you tried and thought were bad?”

Dear Barry,



This predated our
"all black background"
policy

Are you mad at us or something?  Why would you want us to re-try a drink that we don’t like? We did it, though, since we can’t afford to lose any readers. We decided to revisit the Hawaiian Cocktail, a combination of gin, triple sec, and pineapple juice.  We originally thought it was ridiculously strong and that you couldn’t even taste the pineapple. This time it was still strong but I could definitely make out the faintest pineapple flavor.  We would probably give this drink a three or four if we rated it today. One minor difference this time around is that the gin we used was 80 proof instead of the original 94.6 proof firewater. I don’t know if that was the tipping point, or if after 130+ drinks our palates are more accustomed to strong drinks.  It is also possible that our taste buds have been destroyed along with our brain cells.

Cheers,

Mr. Bottle

Our next question also comes from Barry in Georgia who asks, “Why don’t you try something with Scotch, which you are known to hate?”

Dear Barry,



So did this

How about giving someone else a chance to ask a question?   While we wait for more questions, we will talk about the Canal Street Daisy.  It is made with Scotch whisky, orange juice, lemon juice, and club soda.  When we tried it originally I called it “the worst drink I have ever tried.”  I no longer think the CSD is the worst drink I have ever tried and that is not just because I have since then had the misfortune of drinking the Walters Cocktail. It is also because we now think it is only mildly unpleasant instead of truly terrible.  This drink would rate a two if we ranked it today. Again, this is probably because we have become accustomed to putting horrible things in our mouths (which is new to me at least).  We also switched up the Scotch from the blended Johnnie Walker Black to the single-malt Glenlivet which may have had an impact as well.

Warmly,

Mr. Bottle



This leads us to our third question, which comes from Barry in Georgia.  He asks, “What is the difference between single malt and blended whisky?”

Dear Barry,

I am glad you asked that.  It is almost like I made up that question as a deus ex machina to move the blog along.  That is impossible, though, because I’m not sure that is the proper usage of deus ex machina.  Regardless, I will answer your timely question.  A single malt Scotch uses malted barley from a single distillery from distillation through bottling.  A blended Scotch contains a mixture of different whiskies.  There are some other subtleties to the differences, but I’m sure you can read them from Wikipedia as easily as I can copy and paste them.  As is our custom we tried the Glenlivet straight before adding it into the Canal Street Daisy.  I thought it was better than the Johnnie Walker, but Mrs. Bottle still thought it tasted like feet.  Instead of a blend of many feet, at least it tasted like feet from one distillery. If they only made zero-malt Scotch we might be in business.

Keep in touch,

Mr. Bottle

 

Our fourth question comes from Barry in Georgia.  He asks, “How many questions will you answer today?”

Dear Barry,

Four.

XXXOOO,

Mr. Bottle

These clearly post-date our "all black background" policy

Day 10: My Cousin Fonzie

Canal Street Daisy

The Canal Street Daisy is probably the worst drink I have ever tried.  It is composed of Scotch whisky (we used Johnny Walker Black), orange juice, lemon juice, and club soda.  The Daisy dethroned the previous nadir, a drink called “Oddly Purple Toes” I had over 15 years ago.   That I remember that drink and that this one was worse should tell you something. 

I can’t adequately describe how foul this was.  As previously noted, We are not whisk(e)y drinkers, but we don’t think that was the problem as the whisky flavor didn’t dominate.  The drink tasted vaguely chemical and/or like old dishwater.  Squeezing the orange garnish into the drink changed nothing!  Mrs. Bottle summed it up when she asked, “why would anyone choose to drink this?”  I don’t know, sweetie. We couldn’t even finish it between the two of us so we violated our “no wasting” policy and poured it out.  I’m surprised our sink didn’t spit it back up.  Mrs. Bottle was then so discombobulated that she broke my favorite gin-drinking glass. It was an all-around tragic day.

It gets worse.  I also realized that the key element of My Cousin Vinny is a straight rip-off of an episode of

For some reason this Skylark
is in Germany but it still doesn't
have positraction

Happy Days called “Fonzie for the Defense”.  You may recall the great scene in the My Cousin Vinny where Marisa Tomei explains that the two utes could not have been the thieves because the getaway car had positraction and the defendants’ car (a 1964 Buick Skylark) did NOT have positraction.   Because of this key mechanical difference in the cars, the thief had to have been someone else! This fact blew the whole case wide open and also made Marisa Tomei an Oscar winner.  Probably the second greatest testimony scene in movie history after Colonel Jessup admitting he ordered the code red (spoiler alert!). 

You probably aren’t as familiar with “Fonzie for the Defense” as you are with My Cousin Vinny.  In that notable episode, the Fonz and Mr. C get called for jury duty.  The accused is an African American biker named Jason Davis who is accused of a drive-by purse snatching.  The jury, led by the racist Burch, is ready to convict even though Fonzie protests that they only have “circumventive” evidence.  After Fonzie fails to convince the other jurors, he is ready to go along with the rest and vote guilty until he notices something in the transcript…Jason Davis rode a rare British motorcycle that had a left-hand throttle.  The witnesses reported that the purse snatcher held the purse aloft in his left hand while accelerating away. Because of this key mechanical difference in the cars motorcycles, the thief had to have been someone else!  This convinces the jury that Davis is innocent and they immediately vote not guilty.  The audience also learns a valuable lesson in racial tolerance.  I learned that Happy Days doesn’t really hold up very well.  Oh, and that this is pretty much the same thing as the scene in My Cousin Vinny.

Now I (and you) have to live with the fact that the great My Cousin Vinny scene is tainted. At least you didn't have to drink a Canal Street Daisy  

Ratings on a 10-point scale:

Taste: 1

Ease of Preparation: 6 – Had to slice that orange

Presentation: 8 – We will admit it looks nice

Drinks until blackout: 1 – Purely based on the taste