Drink 186: Big Lizard In My Back Yard, Can't Afford to Feed It Anymore

Have a Coke
and a blank
stare

Today we will not be talking about baby scat commercials even though we remain emotionally scarred after yesterday's post. Instead we will discuss the Lounge Lizard, a mix of dark rum, amaretto, and cola.  This is the second best drink we’ve ever had with cola out of the two we’ve tried.  Don't you think it was so cute back then when I had given up drinking soda?  That dark period of my life is over now and hopefully soon forgotten.

The Lounge Lizard’s rating may have been adversely impacted as a result of my soda relapse, since drinking a cola is a normal occurrence instead of a treat. 

For our cola we used Coke Zero, which we thought would work better than our other option, Diet Pepsi.  Why? Because Coke Zero >>>> Diet Pepsi. Also, the Coke Zero was in the pantry and the Diet Pepsi was way downstairs. It turns out the Diet Pepsi may have been a better choice even with the required trek to the dank basement of the Estate.  because the drink ended up being a bit too sweet for either of our liking.  The Coke Zero is already pretty sweet and adding the amaretto pushed it over the top.  If I were to make it again I would definitely leave out the amaretto.  And maybe the rum, too.

Overall Rating for the Lounge Lizard

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 11 – 9% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Dark Rum

.5 oz Amaretto

Cola

Drink 182: I'm Your Lover, I'm Your Zero



We are not going to fall for
the "banana in the tailpipe" trick
but we did fall for the "banana in
the garnish" trick.



Today’s drink is the Banana Di Amore, which translates from Italian roughly to “Banana Love”.  I have a number of hilarious jokes to make about this name, but since this a family-friendly blog you will have to insert your own banana [joke] instead. The reason it is called the Banana Di Amore is because in addition to its crème de banana liqueur it is made with amaretto.  A popular brand of amaretto is Amaretto Di Amore.  Put them together and what do you get?  Banana love. We used a different brand of ameretto, though, so our drink would more rightly be called the Banana De Kuyper.  That translates from Italian to  "Banana Cheapskates".

In addition to the two liqueurs, this drink also contains orange juice, simple syrup, and lemon juice.  Since it is frozen, it also contains freeze-water, more commonly known as ice.  I’m not a huge fan of frozen drinks in general (except for Beergaritas) because you tend not to get much alcohol, and this one was no exception.   Between the juice, ice, and low octane liqueurs, it was only 3% alcohol.  Even if we had used 99 Bananas instead of regular crème de banana it would have only bumped it to 5%.  It hardly seems worth it for the amount of effort involved what with the blending and the fancy garnishes and the ice and all.

The drink did taste good at least, although it was a little sweet.  Despite the freeze-water, you could taste all of the ingredients and they complemented each other well.  The problem is really only the lack of alcohol.  Luckily there is a solution and that solution is to have 2.5 servings instead of one.  That will bump it from 3% alcohol to ∞%.  “Say what?” is what your inner monologue should be saying right now.  You may even whip out your calculator to try to prove me wrong.  If you have an Apple, it would probably look something like this (in video!!):

If you have a windows PC it will probably look something like this:

Oh silly reader, you clearly do not understood maths.  I have a math minor and a PhD in Diet Mountain Dew consumption.  Those things combine to let me prove that 2.5 servings of a beverage multiplies things in an unexpected way. Behold:


Do not drink if you are looking
for significant source of other nutrients.
"Other" nutrients?

See?  0 Calories per serving.  2.5 servings per container.  10 calories per bottle.  If that doesn’t prove the magic of 2.5 servings, I don’t know what will. Maybe a Coke Zero?

Overall Rating for the Banana Di Amore

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 200 – 3% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Amaretto

1 oz Crème de Banana

2 oz Orange Juice

0.5 oz Simple Syrup

0.5 oz Lemon Juice

Drink 181: Son, You Got a Panty on Your Head

Sheer Elegance looks like silk, feels like silk, and even comes in a control-top style, too.  Sheer Elegance looks and feels like silk. From the Orient!



Sheer Elegance, the cocktail.
From the Bottle Wonderland Estate!



The above quote is the first thing I thought of when I saw that today’s drink was called the Sheer Elegance.  In case you weren’t raised by a television or you are not yet middle-aged, here is a YouTube clip that might help give you some context. That commercial is a classic, and I especially like the serendipitous use of an Asian to deliver the message.  It really brings it home when she says “From the Orient!”   Everyone might not remember a 30 year old commercial, but surely everyone understands that silk “from the Orient!” is the best kind.  Those pantyhose must be good, but I wouldn’t know since I’ve only worn pantyhose a few times never worn pantyhose. Mrs. Bottle assures me that pantyhose do not feel like silk, though.  From the Orient!



Also from the Orient!
img



The Sheer Elegance cocktail does not look like silk, feel like silk, and it surely does not come in a control-top style so I'm not sure why it is named after pantyhose. It doesn't even taste like it comes from the Orient.  Instead, its combination of amaretto, black raspberry liqueur, and vodka tasted like it came from the Karo Corn Syrup factory.  It was horribly sweet and it left my tongue coated in a viscous membrane.  That is not something I look for in a drink.  Or in a control-top undergarment for that matter.  The flavor was also a bit strange.  I’m not convinced that almonds and black raspberries are a great combination, although Mrs. Bottle thought it would have been decent had the taste been less cloying.

Part of the problem may be attributable to our 10+ year old bottle of Chateau Monet Liqueur Framboise.  We recently learned that 10+ year old Bailey’s Irish Cream doesn’t taste as good as fresh stuff so there is a tiny possibility that our black raspberry liqueur may not be at its peak flavor capacity.  I am unwilling to put the blame completely on it, though, because we have had plenty of drinks with this stuff and some of them have been not horrible. For example, the French Martini is quite similar to our latest drink, only it was good.  Maybe because it had more vodka.  Coincidentally, Mrs. Bottle suggested the real problem with the Sheer Elegance was the lack of vodka.  Of course that is her answer to a lot of things.

Overall Rating for the Sheer Elegance

Taste: 2

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 22% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Amaretto

1.5 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur

0.5 oz Vodka

Drink 164: Hot in the City

Captions require
effort

Oftentimes when I look at a drink recipe I think, “Whoever created this drink gave it very little effort.”   Sometimes that can work.  Other times you end up with the Sun Kiss, a mix of amaretto and orange juice.  You don’t even put it in a shaker.  You just pour into an ice- filled glass.  The lime wedge only gives the façade of effort.  The drink was unremarkable in every way.  It looked okay and it tasted okay.  It pretty much I suppose if you love amaretto you would probably like the Sun Kiss a bit more than we did. 

Since the drink’s creator gave the drink such little effort, I am going to make up for it by giving this entry very little effort as well.  It is for the best as we here at the Bottle Wonderland Estate are not immune from the heat wave that is both captivating and destroying our great nation.  I never knew it got so hot in the summer.  I don’t want us to expend too much energy and end up with some heat-related malady.  It is supposed to be 98° today with a heat index of 105°.  If the heat index was only 98° you would be nearing the beginning of the third paragraph.  Instead you are nearing the end of today’s post. That extra 7 degrees of perceived heat makes all the difference. 

Overall Rating for the Sun Kiss

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackouts: 11 – 9% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Amaretto

4 oz Orange Juice

Drink 118: If You Can Read This, You Were Left Behind

Looks the same
as yesterday but
tastes very different

I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but today is supposed to be the rapture. In case you are not familiar with Christian theology, the rapture is some kind of deal where the good people go meet Jesus and the rest of us fight to the death Thunderdome-style. At least that’s what I think happens, because it turns out I’m not too familiar with Christian theology.  Thus, I was a bit curious as to why today is predicted to be the rapture, so I did some extensive research and learned that it is because a radio host has proved it with math.

Here is the proof:

1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
6. (5 × 10 × 17)² or (atonement × completeness × heaven)² also equals 722,500

If you are like me, you can’t see a single flaw with that logic.  It is so sound that it allows me to ignore the fact the same person also predicted the world would end in 1994 and even wrote a book about it. He claims that he made a math mistake that time. I put it in my calculator and 722,449 + 51 does indeed equal 722,500.  Quod erat demonstrandum.

This prediction clearly was
not proved with math

Anyhoodle, the whole shebang happens at 6:00 PM local time so I still have a few more hours before I will need to break out my boomstick and start defending the Bottle Wonderland Estate from the rest of the heathens.  I’m not sure how much heart I will put into it though, because I will probably be lonely after Mrs. Bottle gets called up.  At least I won’t have to hear her singing “Snow” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers like she has been doing non-stop for the last week.  I try to find the bright side in things.

If she does get called up, this could be the end of TBIAW, as she does most of the work.  It is too bad that the probable last drink in our anthology is the Godchild (how fitting), a mix of amaretto, vodka, and cream. I thought it mostly tasted like burning and amaretto, which also happen to be the two flavors in Hell.  Mrs. Bottle thought it was pretty good, though.  Her only complaint was that it tasted a little too amaretto-y.  I’m sure when she is with the Lord that no drink will be too amaretto-y.

Of course if none of this happens I will feel quite the fool at 6:01 PM.

Overall Rating for the Godchild

Taste: 3
Presentation: 2
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Rapture: 6 – 20% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Amaretto
1 oz Heavy Cream

Drink 94: Dash Dash Fizz Fizz

The Leaning Tower
of Fizz-a

Today we have the Ritz Fizz, a mix of Champagne, amaretto, blue Curaçao, and lemon juice.  It tasted exactly like what you’d expect if you had a glass of Champagne and did not add amaretto, blue Curaçao, or lemon juice.  The recipe called for a dash of each of the other ingredients.  Maybe our definition of a “dash” isn’t the same as Mr. Boston’s, but the dashes weren’t enough to be detectable.  You could smell lemon but I think that was mostly due to the lemon peel garnish.

The good news is that both Mrs. Bottle and I like Champagne so we liked this drink.  We can’t give it a perfect five, though, because this is a blog about cocktails, not Champagne.  A blog about Champagne would probably be kind of boring, but at least you wouldn’t have to drink any Scotch.

Overall Rating for Ritz Fizz

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Lemon twist

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

4 oz Champagne

1 dash Amaretto

1 dash Blue Curaçao

1 dash Lemon Juice

Day 77: OMG WTF BBQ

First things first, in response to Mr. Bottle’s blog from yesterday, I want to unequivocally state that I do not and never have used a Shake Weight. That is not a look I’m going for, and I’m not referring to the advertised muscle buildup after the workout.

Mr Bottle doesn't see anything wrong with this look
(Img: blippitt.com)

Oh My Gosh, today’s drink, is perfect for how I feel as I write this. As in, oh my gosh, I just can’t hang like I used to. Last night, Mr. Bottle and I went for a night on the town to celebrate a friend’s 40^th birthday. At the end of the evening as we reviewed the bill for the beverages consumed, I realized with some amazement that I had racked up a total of seven drinks. Seven??!! “What the hell was I thinking?” one might ask. But I think it’s safe to say that after drink number four there’s not much thinking going on. I tried to be reasonable, sticking to my old friend, the vodka tonic. It’s my contention that the tonic water helps keep you hydrated although maybe consuming five negates any of those benefits. What also negates any chance of an easy recovery is a tequila shot. However, another contention of mine is that you can’t have a milestone birthday celebration without some form of shot consumption. The last thing which may (and I emphasize the word may) have put me over the edge was the Root Beer Bomb, a combo of root beer flavored vodka and Red Bull. And unlike other legendary combos like rum and coke or vodka and OJ, this was not so legendary tasting.

Oh My Gosh it doesn't look that good

So despite the adventures from last night, I’m still able to discuss today’s drink without feeling too unsteady as I think about the flavors. Oh My Gosh is a shooter with equal parts peach schnapps and amaretto. Originally Mr. Bottle and I thought this was going to be a terrible drink since neither of us loves these alcohols. However, we each had the same reaction after tasting it. Oh my gosh! It actually tastes pretty good. So I guess peach schnapps and amaretto really complement each other and do make a good combo. Maybe not legendary, but definitely better than that root beer disaster.

Overall Rating for the Oh My Gosh

 

Taste: 4
Presentation: 3
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Peach Schnapps
1 oz Amaretto

Day 71: Buongiorno, Amigos!

What do you get when you combine coffee liqueur, amaretto, and coffee?  The Mexitaly Coffee, our latest drink.   The “Mexitaly” in the name is a bit presumptuous since it assumes that we will use Kahlúa coffee liqueur from Mexico and Disaranno Originale amaretto from Italy.  In our case, we did use Kahlúa, but our amaretto is made in Ohio under license from DeKuyper, a Dutch company.  For those of you in the 50% of Americans who cannot find Ohio on a map, it is in the United States.

This is the United States

Since amaretto originated in Italy we can probably still safely the drink the Mexitaly Coffee even though ours was Mexitaliameridutch.  Here at TBIAW, we do not see ethnicity; we just see a drink that needs to be rated.  And rate it we did.

Of course before we could rate it, we had to make it.  And by "we", I mean Mrs. Bottle.  Even though she has made 95% of the drinks so far, this one provided her with a challenge she had yet to face: Using maraschino cherry juice to moisten the glass before rimming it with cinnamon sugar.  If I made the drink, I would have tried to pour some juice on a plate and dip the glass in it or maybe suck up some juice in a turkey baster and then spray it on the glass.  Whatever I did, it would have been a disaster.  Luckily Mrs. Bottle is smarter than I am and she just dipped a paper towel into the jar of cherries and then used that to moisten the glass.

All these coffee drinks kind of look the same

After applying the cinnamon sugar, she added the liqueur and the coffee.  Since this drink is only 5% alcohol, it needed a little show to make up for its weakness.  Fortunately the recipe called for it to be topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.  As we usually do, we substituted chocolate jimmies for the shavings.  You really can't go wrong with jimmies. For the whipped cream we used Reddi-Wip whipped cream instead of our usual Cool Whip.  We switched from Cool Whip to Reddi-Wip for several reasons:

1. Reddi-Wip is easier to apply to a drink than Cool Whip since Reddi-Wip has a spray nozzle

2. Reddi-Wip is easier to apply to a lot of things, if you know what I mean.

3. Reddi-Wip shows a rakish disregard for spelling rules. We luv that.

4. Reddi-Wip is made with nitrous oxide.  In a pinch you could use it to anesthetize yourself and/or boost the speed of your Honda Civic. It is the Official Whipped Cream of MacGyver^TM

5. Our tub of Cool Whip was filled with mold, which I noticed right after I put a big spoonful of it in my mouth.  On the bright side, any infections I may or may not have had are now cleared up.

The drink itself was very good.   The primary flavor was of course the coffee.  There was a slight almond note from the amaretto that added flavor complexity.  I am not a huge fan of amaretto but in this case it was pleasant. It also had a slight cherry taste at the finish due to the juice on the rim.  Of course that taste only lasted for the first few sips.  After that I had to give the rim a big lick to get any of that delicious cherry flavor.  I had to stop licking the glass, though, because it was was either grossing out Mrs. Bottle or making her aroused.  It is a fine line that I often have trouble discerning.

Overall Rating for the Mexitaly Coffee

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 17 – 5% Alcohol

Ingredients

.75 oz Coffee Liqueur

.75 oz Amaretto

Coffee

Day 47: Carrion My Wayward Son



Glass doubles as a weapon

I have never smelled a buzzard’s breath.  I once made a list of all animals ordering them by estimated freshness of breath and buzzards scored fairly low.   They were far below koala bears but just above dogs.  As you might have surmised, I spend a lot of time thinking about animal breath and I believe that a buzzard’s would smell like a combination of rotting garbage and rotting flesh. For most people that would be unappetizing.  It was therefore with trepidation that we approached today’s drink, the Buzzard’s Breath.

It turns out that the Buzzard’s Breath is made with amaretto, coffee liqueur, and peppermint schnapps. I was both relieved and surprisingly disappointed that there was no carrion in the recipe.  I guess the buzzard that inspired this drink lived somewhere with access to almonds, coffee, and mints. The best I can tell is that it must be from near the Cincinnati airport.  It is right next to a Mentos factory and, like every other place in America, there are plenty of Starbucks around.  There are no almond trees nearby, but I’m sure they sell them for $8 a bag at the airport

Our Buzzard’s Breath tasted vaguely like a mint coffee.  I thought it was pretty pleasant but Mrs. Bottle didn’t care for it all that much.  I found that puzzling since she has won a lifetime achievement award from Starbucks.  She did say that it left her mouth feeling nice, though, so that is a plus. I imagine that was due to the peppermint schnapps leaving a hint of minty aftertaste.  Even though the drink had a bit of a syrupy texture, it was not overly sweet.  It also looks quite a bit like coffee, so you could probably substitute this for your morning joe and no one would be the wiser. The only clue would be that you wouldn't have horrible coffee breath.



Two famous buzzards



Overall Rating for the Buzzard’s Breath

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 20% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Amaretto

0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur

0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps

Day 39: A Delicacy of Jimmies Robed in Frothy Cream



This looks a lot like yesterday's but
this one isn't terrible

It is Valentine’s Day and it is also the seventh and final day of Romance Week.  Today’s drink is the Lover’s Kiss, a cordial made with amaretto, cherry brandy, crème de cocoa (dark), and cream. Before we launched this blog I didn’t know there was such a thing as crème de cocoa so I was doubly surprised to learn that there were two different kinds.  They are the Ebony and Ivory of liqueurs.  The dark one turned out to be much thicker than the white and it had a richer chocolate flavor.  I am still talking about crème de cocoa.

The Lover’s Kiss drink also features cherry brandy and we used Clear Creek Distillery's Kirschwasser. According to their web site it has a "feline delicacy of cherry flavor robed in manageable spirit that plays like a string quartet".  First off, I don't know what the hell that even means.  Secondly, if I saw "feline delicacy" on a menu, I would reconsider where I chose to eat.  Finally, my feline isn't that delicate, unless pooping on the floor counts as delicate.  Where I come from, we consider it indelicate.  Regardless, we tried the Kirschwasser  straight and did not think it had a feline delicacy.   It mostly tasted like burning.

After tasting the Kirschwasser we had low expectations for this drink, but we were pleasantly surprised.  It had a nice chocolate flavor with a hint of cherry.  I don't know if the cherry flavor came from the Kirschwasser or from excess juice from the cherry garnish but either way it was a nice touch.  The maraschino cherry symbolizes the bright red lips of your lover, if your lover is a harlot. For the second straight night, our drink was topped with the widely acknowledged two most romantic foods: whipped cream and chocolate jimmies. Serve it in a champagne flute and your partner will know you have class.



I didn't have an idea for a second photo
so here is a bunny with a pancake on its head

 Originally I was going to recap the Romance Week 2011 drinks but considering that we already have a list, that would be repetitive.  Then I thought I could give some last minute romance tips, but all I really know is that you should listen to your partner, show her that you are thinking about her, and don't be an ass.  When are an ass anyway, apologize.  There is probably better advice, but that's all I got.  Anyway, by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around I would imagine most people are tired of reading romance tips the same way I am tired of stories about how busy the day is for florists, the magical powers of chocolate, or 10 ideas for a romantic gift.  It is the same crap recycled year after year by lazy writers.

We promise not to use those tactics during Romance Week 2012.

Overall Rating for the Lover’s Kiss

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 3 - It is hard to get whipped cream into a champagne flute

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 18% alcohol

Romance Score: 4

Ingredients

.5 oz Amaretto

.5 oz Cherry-flavored Brandy

.5 oz Crème de Cocoa (Brown)

1 oz cream

Day 35: It's All In a Name

This drink obeys the laws of physics

It’s day 3 of Romance Week and we bring you the Caribbean Romance.  It is made of light rum, amaretto, orange juice, pineapple juice, and grenadine.  It must be romantic since it has “romance” right in the name.  That is also how I know that Creation Science is real science.  Otherwise I would think it was a load of crap.

Mrs. Bottle would give the Caribbean Romance a perfect five.  I would only give it a four.  The key was the amaretto.  Mrs. Bottle thought it went really well with the juices but I thought it was a little strong.  If you are an amaretto fan you will probably enjoy it as much as she did, though.  It has a nice tropical flavor which was helped by using a freshly opened can of pineapple juice.  It was pointed out to us after a drink disaster that you should never store juice in a can once it has been opened.  I don’t believe anything I read on the Internet, so I verified it by finding some other links.

Besides rancid pineapple juice, there are other dangers associated with the Caribbean Romance.  The first is that if your spouse tastes it they might want to take a trip to the actual Caribbean.  Mrs. Bottle has now booked us a trip to Cancún.  That is not a joke.  This will turn into the most expensive drink to-date.  The second danger is that you might go insane trying to float grenadine on top as directed by the Mr. Boston guide.  This is our third time trying to float grenadine, each one a failure.  This time, I did some research and found out that it is actually impossible.  Grenadine has a specific gravity of 1.18.  The densest rum has a specific gravity of 1.06.  Therefore grenadine will not float on rum and the Mr. Boston instructions require us to defy the laws of physics.



Still can't float grenadine on rum

I suppose if you can pull that off, that will make the drink even more romantic, since defying the laws of physics is apparently  hot.  That is the only way I can explain the appeal of magicians.

Overall Rating for the Caribbean Romance

Taste: 4

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 7 - 15% alcohol

Romance Score: 5

Ingredients

1.5 oz Light Rum

1 oz Amaretto

1.5 oz Orange Juice

1.5 oz Pineapple Juice

1 splash Grenadine

Day 18: The Glass is Half and Half Full

I said "Week of Cream"!

Mrs. Bottle here once again to kick off the Week of Cream! This sounds kinky, I know, but it actually means 7 days of drinking cocktails made with some form of cream. I’d like to think we’re clever for coming up with a themed week. But we just bought some cream for today’s drink and didn’t want it to go to waste.

Let me first explain the different types of cream. I learned about them while standing in the grocery store looking for the “Light Cream” that wasn’t there. There are several types of cream: Half and Half, Light Cream, Whipping Cream, Heavy Cream, and some others nobody cares about. Obviously ½ & ½ is part milk and part cream. I also learned that even though it’s less fatty than Light Cream (12% vs. 20% fat), they’re interchangeable. I think it’s mainly because Light Cream is just hard to find. Light Cream seems to be the cream of choice in most recipes so looks like it will really be the Week of 3/6 & 3/6 for us.

Today’s cocktail is the Toasted Almond (or TA). Admittedly not a new one for me because I drank these extensively while in college. It’s a mixture of coffee liqueur, amaretto, and cream or milk (or sqrt(.25) & sqrt(.25)). We used Kahlua which is supposed to be the less famous coffee liqueur compared to Tia Maria. That is like saying that Justin Timberlake is the less famous member of  *NSync compared to Joey Fatone. I then learned that Tia Maria’s rise to fame occurred in the 80’s because Iman hawked it in TV ads. As the Tia Maria website explained, she’s sensual and exotic and also David Bowie’s wife.  

We stirred it but this looks cooler

At first I really enjoyed the TA because it took me back to all those nights spent at our local college bars when I was youthful and spry. And then I stopped enjoying it because it took me back to all those nights spent at our local college bars when I was youthful and spry. In my opinion, it’s a heavier, sweet, but very tasty drink. Definitely a chick drink as evidenced by Mr. Bottle’s 2 swigs before declaring he was done. Luckily for the TA, I’m rating it today.

I’m just sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see how Mr. Bottle enjoys his week of 0.5 & 0.5.

Overall Rating:

Taste: 5
Ease of Preparation: 5
Presentation: 4
Drinks until blackout: 8 - At only 15% alcohol it would take a lot.  Do not try if lactose intolerant.

Ingredients:

1.5 oz Coffee Liqueur
1 oz Amaretto
1.5 oz Half and Half

Day 9: The Big Red Stun

The Big Red Hooter sounds like some kind of demon owl, but it is in fact our next drink.  It is made with tequila, amaretto, pineapple juice, and grenadine.  I have to say that on paper, that does not look like a good combination.  In drink form it did not taste like a good combination.  I thought it was just going to be a terrible combination of the tequila flavor and amaretto.  It actually turned out to be cloyingly sweet and virtually undrinkable.  You couldn't even taste the delicious Herradura.  Mrs. Bottle had about two sips and then made herself a vodka tonic.

Protip: Do not do a Google image search for “Big Red Hooter” with safe search off.  You will see some things you can’t un-see.  Now back to the blog.

Our more loyal reader will notice that  almost every drink contains grenadine. Unfortunately this one is no exception. I’ve had more grenadine in the last 10 days than I’ve had in my entire prior life.  I hope the Center for Science in the Public Interest does not declare that grenadine causes cancer or I might as well start planning my funeral now.  Luckily I already have a casket kit on my Amazon.com wish list.

Many times the grenadine is just adding a touch of sweetness and maybe some color. There is an ounce of grenadine in the Big Red Hooter.   That is a lot.  Too much.  A thorough TBIAW investigation has revealed that the grenadine ruined the drink.  

At least it looked pretty. 

Rating on a 10 point scale:

Taste: 3 – Mrs. Bottle thought it might make a decent shooter

Ease of Preparation: 9

Presentation: 7

Drinks until sugar coma: 3 – 10% alcohol and 90% sugar