Monday, August 29, 2011

Drink 185: Poop, There it Is!

Today we have the Chocolate-Covered Strawberry, which is a mix of strawberry schnapps, crème de cacao, and cream.  In our case we used delicious Fragoli wild strawberry liqueur (which we are not being paid to promote, but we could easily be persuaded to given the right incentive) instead of boring old schnapps. We also used half and half instead of cream.  We are not being paid to use half and half either (are you listening dairy council?), but we happen to have a carton of it that is about to expire so we need to use that stuff up.  Reader tip: expect more cream-based drinks in the next few days.  Mrs. Bottle was also eager to open the half and half because she will now be forced to drink White Russians daily (Final parenthetical – the White Russian post is our most viewed because of that picture of Superman with his shirt off.  The one of the Penguin with his shirt off was less successful).

Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Cocktail
Yes, this is all there was

This Chocolate-Covered Strawberry was pretty tasty, but you really had to search for the chocolate flavor.  It was almost overwhelmed by the Fragoli ultimately leaving it tasting more like a strawberry-covered strawberry.  In all seriousness, the Fragoli has a pretty pronounced flavor.  Another strawberry schnapps may reveal more of the crème de cacao but I guess we'll never know.

This drink is served in a red wine glass over ice.  I am not opposed to using ice in a red wine glass since that is how I usually drink my Almaden Blush.  This drink is only 1¾ ounces so it looks kind of ridiculous in a wine glass, though.   On the upside, it looks like a Strawberry Yoo-Hoo so you could mix up a batch, pour it in an empty Yoo-hoo bottle, and drink it while you are at the mall.  Or you could pack it in your kid’s lunch for a hilarious although legally and ethically questionable prank! 

Now is the part where I usually seamlessly segue into some tangentially related pop-culture or current-events based commentary.  What I need to talk about now is too shocking and upsetting to treat it with that type of frivolity, though. Last night I saw a commercial for Luvs Diapers that may be the most disturbing advertisement of our times.  I guess this thing has been out for a while but it hasn’t yet caused a national stir.  Maybe the rest of America is like me and they haven’t seen it yet. Now that I have seen it, I wish I could un-see it. 

Why is it so disturbing? I shall now break it down for you in a photo essay.

It starts off pretty normal.  We have three babies in the “Heavy Dooty Championship”.  At this point I figure it is some kind of beauty pageant spoof where we will see horrible mothers spend hundreds of dollars to pimp out their children in the hopes one will become Grand Supreme Heavy Dooty and win a cheap-ass bedazzled crown.

We now meet our first contestant.  So far… nothing disturbing.  She appears to be warming up for the talent portion of the contest.  I wonder what her talent is?

Oh she is showing her butt.  Maybe her talent is interpretive dance.

Oh my god, she crapped her pants.  Well, that’s what babies do I guess, but that is going to hurt her chances of winning Grand Supreme Heavy Dooty.

My, what a racially diverse and gender neutral judges panel.  I wonder what they will think?

Baby Randy Jackson clearly thinks the poop is a problem, dawg.


Okay, now I am getting upset.  Contestant #14 also pooped himself and the people in the audience are recording it on their phones so they can re-watch it later.  The authorities may be interested in those two.

Wait, what?  The judges are giving him better scores than the first contestant.  It is starting to dawn on me that the Heavy Dooty contest has something to do with poop volume.

Now there is no mistaking what is going on here.  This is just like looking into the mirror for me when I am headed to the loo.

Holy crap!  This kid should probably be rushed to the emergency room, stat.

The judges love it.  Sick bastards.

The kid on the left is thinking, “where are my parents and why are they making me stand on stage with a poop-filled diaper?” She probably also wants to get out of there before the champion goes for an encore.

The crowd goes wild!!!  I am beside myself.

Watch the whole thing here if you dare.

Overall Rating for the Chocolate-Covered Strawberry

Taste: 4
Presentation: 3
Ease of Preparation: 5
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 –  18% Alcohol


1 oz Strawberry Schnapps
0.25 oz Crème de Cacao
0.5 oz Cream

1 comment:

Kimo said...

Let's hope Depend doesn't use the same ad agency!

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