Monday, August 8, 2011

Drink 176: Don't Panic, That's What Everyone Else is Doing

Some of you may have noticed a recent drop in the stock market over the last week.  On August 1 the Dow closed at 12,132.49.  On August 8 it closed at 10,809.85.  That is a drop of something like a billion points.  I’m not a financial wiz, though, so I’m not sure about the figures.  I do know if your strategy is to “sell low” you are kicking butt.

No where to go but up or further down
There is a lot of speculation around the cause(s) of this drop.  Most people think it has to do with the debt ceiling compromise, the possibility of a double-dip recession (I would go for one scoop chocolate and one scoop vanilla), the European debt crisis, or Standard & Poor lowering the sovereign debt rating of the US from AAA to AA+. Side note: You can definitely trust the S&P when it comes to bond ratings.

One aspect that has been overlooked is the slowdown in TBIAW postings. We normally post daily but last week we barely mustered four posts.  We never would have slacked off had we known the global economic impact.  We might not have many readers but I guess they are extremely influential.  I can’t promise we will return to our old frequency any time soon as we will be busy selling what stock we have remaining and burying the money in mason jars around the Estate.

Fear not, though, because Michelle Bachmann has already figured out how to solve our economic woes without involving TBIAW.  All we need to do is to send “signals to the marketplace” and it “won’t take long” for the improvements to manifest themselves.  I, for one, find that exciting.  I think we should start with the Bat Signal.  That is a good one. Next, I would try a Facebook Poke if I knew what signal that actually sent.   Until then we will send a signal to the marketplace right now: Stop selling!  It is making me upset.  Also, TBIAW is not a bond rating agency or qualified in any way, but if we were, we would rate the USA as AAAAAAAA++++*.   Was that so hard?  The ball is in your court, Obama.

Chi-Chi Cocktail
The cherry sank faster than my portfolio.
You can see the traces of it, though.
If you are upset about the economic state, one thing that will probably make you feel better is the Chi-Chi, a drink made with vodka, cream of coconut, and pineapple juice.  It was creamy and delicious and makes it impossible to be down while you are drinking it.  It might make you a little sad when you run out, though.  It is very similar to a Piña Colada made with vodka instead of rum. Note that we are talking about a real  Piña Colada, not the abomination of a recipe we tried a few weeks ago.  As with the Piña Colada, the secret is the cream of coconut.  That stuff is fantastic.  Mrs. Bottle said that could just drink a big bowl of that and be happy.  Maybe we should send some to everyone in America.  That would send a signal to the marketplace.

* Rating scale undetermined. Rating refers to nothing. This rating is unofficial and non-binding.  Actually, it indicates less than nothing.  Seriously. TBIAW is not a licensed financial advisor. Parody website. Your mileage may vary.  Past performance is not an indicator of future value.  This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.  Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.  You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more.. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Overall Rating for the Chi-Chi

Taste: 5
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 3
Drinks Until Blackout: 23 – 5% Alcohol


1.5 oz Vodka
1 oz Cream of Coconut
4 oz Pineapple Juice

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