Drink 183: Whoa, Did You Feel That?

Earthquake
damage!

In case you live under a rock, you probably heard about today’s earthquake.  Actually, if you live under a rock, you probably felt the earthquake more than most people did.  I hope your rock hole was undamaged!  We felt the earthquake here at the Bottle Wonderland Estate, too, but it was just a little shake.  It was like if a large truck was driving nearby or if someone had set off a sonic blaster but we were not forced to evacuate.  We also didn’t have to leave the house.

Today’s drink also happens to be the Sonic Blaster but Mrs. Bottle can assure you I had nothing to do with making the earth move.  Instead, I daintily sipped its combination of vodka, rum, banana liqueur, pineapple juice, orange juice, and cranberry juice.  The name Sonic Blaster seems wildly inappropriate for a drink that is 2/3 juice and only 11% alcohol.  Something called Sonic Blaster should have a little more oomph. I’m thinking it definitely would have Red Bull instead of juice and it should probably have some kind of whiskey and/or sambuca.

That was quite a coincidence that the earthquake
 was centered right where that star was on the map

The name might not be great, but t least it wasn’t called the Sonic Banana Blaster.  I bring this up because prior to this we have had eight drinks featuring banana liqueur and five of them have had “banana” in the name (Banana Di Amore, Banana Foster, Top Banana, Banana Slip, Banana Bomber).  We have awarded the Sonic Blaster one point for creativity.  It is possible it does not have “banana” in the name because of the simple reason that you cannot taste any banana in the drink.  I guess it is overwhelmed by the other juices.  We could taste the rum but only ever so slightly.  All in all it was a tasty drink but nothing earth shattering.

Overall Rating for the Sonic Blaster

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Vodka

0.5 oz Light Rum

0.5 oz Crème de Banana

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Cranberry Juice

Drink 176: Don't Panic, That's What Everyone Else is Doing

Some of you may have noticed a recent drop in the stock market over the last week.  On August 1 the Dow closed at 12,132.49.  On August 8 it closed at 10,809.85.  That is a drop of something like a billion points.  I’m not a financial wiz, though, so I’m not sure about the figures.  I do know if your strategy is to “sell low” you are kicking butt.

No where to go but up or further down

There is a lot of speculation around the cause(s) of this drop.  Most people think it has to do with the debt ceiling compromise, the possibility of a double-dip recession (I would go for one scoop chocolate and one scoop vanilla), the European debt crisis, or Standard & Poor lowering the sovereign debt rating of the US from AAA to AA+. Side note: You can definitely trust the S&P when it comes to bond ratings.

One aspect that has been overlooked is the slowdown in TBIAW postings. We normally post daily but last week we barely mustered four posts.  We never would have slacked off had we known the global economic impact.  We might not have many readers but I guess they are extremely influential.  I can’t promise we will return to our old frequency any time soon as we will be busy selling what stock we have remaining and burying the money in mason jars around the Estate.

Fear not, though, because Michelle Bachmann has already figured out how to solve our economic woes without involving TBIAW.  All we need to do is to send “signals to the marketplace” and it “won’t take long” for the improvements to manifest themselves.  I, for one, find that exciting.  I think we should start with the Bat Signal.  That is a good one. Next, I would try a Facebook Poke if I knew what signal that actually sent.   Until then we will send a signal to the marketplace right now: Stop selling!  It is making me upset.  Also, TBIAW is not a bond rating agency or qualified in any way, but if we were, we would rate the USA as AAAAAAAA++++*.   Was that so hard?  The ball is in your court, Obama.

The cherry sank faster than my portfolio.
You can see the traces of it, though.

If you are upset about the economic state, one thing that will probably make you feel better is the Chi-Chi, a drink made with vodka, cream of coconut, and pineapple juice.  It was creamy and delicious and makes it impossible to be down while you are drinking it.  It might make you a little sad when you run out, though.  It is very similar to a Piña Colada made with vodka instead of rum. Note that we are talking about a real  Piña Colada, not the abomination of a recipe we tried a few weeks ago.  As with the Piña Colada, the secret is the cream of coconut.  That stuff is fantastic.  Mrs. Bottle said that could just drink a big bowl of that and be happy.  Maybe we should send some to everyone in America.  That would send a signal to the marketplace.

* Rating scale undetermined. Rating refers to nothing. This rating is unofficial and non-binding.  Actually, it indicates less than nothing.  Seriously. TBIAW is not a licensed financial advisor. Parody website. Your mileage may vary.  Past performance is not an indicator of future value.  This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.  Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.  You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more.. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Overall Rating for the Chi-Chi

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 23 – 5% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

1 oz Cream of Coconut

4 oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 162: Too Much Ado

You probably remember when the main road to the Bottle Wonderland Estate was closed earlier this year because of a downed power line.  It was all over the national news.  It caused logistics issues not seen since Hurricane Katrina.  Wait, you don’t remember?  Oh yeah, that’s right, it actually was no big deal.  That’s because every person on the planet who doesn’t live in Los Angeles can deal with a temporary road closure without it being major news for a week.  That said, I was glad to see that Laker Girl tryouts were unaffected.  

Local news coverage

No sunrise and no smog

In honor of the so-called Carmageddon we bring you the L.A. Sunrise, a mix of vodka, crème de banana, rum, orange juice, and pineapple juice.  We aren’t sure why it is called the L.A. Sunrise since the drink doesn’t have a “sunrise effect” like the Tequila Sunrise or its grosser cousin the Hairy Sunrise. It isn’t even covered with a thick haze of smog. Maybe if we had used dark rum instead of the called-for “rum” it would have tinted everything brown and had a more realistic appearance.

The drink ultimately left Mrs. Bottle unsatisfied (insert too-easy joke here (and here)).  She felt the drink too weak and somewhat pointless (also too easy).  I thought it tasted pretty good with a nice pineapple-orange juice flavor.  She noted that she couldn’t even taste the alcohol and said that she might as well just drink some pineapple-orange juice.  To her it is hardly worth writing about, but it is still more newsworthy than a road closure thousands of miles away.

Overall Rating for the L.A. Sunrise

Taste: 4

Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackouts: 10 – 10% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

.5 oz Crème de Banana

.25 oz Rum

2 oz Orange Juice

2 oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 149: Oil of Ole

Today we have the Tequila Matador, a mix of tequila, pineapple juice, and lime juice.  We used our trusty Tres Generaciones Plata tequila which almost always leads to a good drink, and this was no exception. Lime and tequila is always a great combination and adding in some pineapple juice was a nice touch adding enough (but not too much) sweetness. This drink was delicious and it was an easy decision to give it a five even in light of our recent hard line approach to high grades.

This was a little plain
so we added a
Chris Berman bobblehead

The drink was good enough that I could have it frequently, but I probably wouldn’t drink it every day.  That’s because I like some variety in my diet.  Not everyone feels the same. We saw a show on TLC last night called Freaky Eaters where they highlight people with strange eating habits.  The episode we watched featured a guy who only eats French fries. Side note: He blogs about his French fries.  Who wants to read a blog about what some dude is eating?  So narcissistic.

Anyway, it turns out that he doesn’t eat only French fries, he has them once or twice a day. What’s so freaky about that?  I’m pretty sure that in the summer of 1990 I ate a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal every day for three months and no one did a TV show about me.  I guess no one would want to watch someone eat McDonald’s every day. Plus in 1990, TLC hadn’t yet figured out that airing shows about cakes and weirdoes was the key to high ratings.  At that point, their highest rated show was about boat safety.  Riveting!

As far as I know, did not
base Super Size Me on my
summer of 1990
img: David Shankbone 

Don’t worry about the French fry guy, though, as the show reached a happy conclusion.  The two doctors held a pizza party at a skate park for the French fry guy.  Now seems like a good time to mention he is 29, married, and has three kids. At the party he ate some pizza, which he normally finds disgusting.  When he tried the pizza his mother said it was the happiest day of her life.  She better check with this guy’s mom before she gets too excited.

Overall Rating for the Tequila Matador

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4 – Hard to argue with a champagne flute

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 12% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Tequila

3 oz Pineapple Juice

0.5 oz Lime Juice

Drink 143: Hot Fizz

Sometimes I wish our blog had more comments.  We currently have 159 posts and 59 comments.  I created a spreadsheet and determined that we have less than one comment per post:

See?

Other times I read the user comments on different web sites and I realize that comments might not be the best thing in the world.  In the local paper the editors frequently have to shut down the comments due to abusive posts.  I make a game out of guessing before clicking a link if a story will have the comments disabled. If you want to try, here is a hint: It happens in every story involving a hot-button topic like crime, immigration, pool parties, government, NASCAR, rainbows, or The Bachelorette.

For some reason I can’t help myself and read the comments even though I can feel myself getting dumber with each comment read.  It seems like spelling, grammar, and capitalization rules are mere guidelines when one posts a comment.  I admit that I will flub my righting from time to time, but I at least make an effort.  I guess when you are foaming at the mouth because some anonymous person has the opposite political views than yours that you don’t have time to run a spell check or use the shift key.

Sometimes I can empathize with that urgency, though.  For example, when we tried today’s drink I was fully prepared to immediately take to the Internet and proclaim that the liberal media was to blame.  There is no real basis for that assertion, but I did not like the drink and felt the need to vent. I did not do so because I was kind of tired. 

A glass too big

The drink is called the Pineapple Fizz and it is composed of rum, pineapple juice, simple syrup, and club soda.  It tasted like a big ol’ glass of club soda with a wisp of pineapple flavor.  If you halved the amount of club soda the Pineapple Fizz might be good.  Unfortunately it is one of the many recipes in the Mr. Boston guide that doesn’t have a proportion listed for an ingredient.  It just says to fill the glass with club soda. What kind of a recipe is that?  We need more government regulation on recipes!  No, the free market will take care of it! Or I could just use a smaller glass.

To summarize, I will quote a comment I recently saw on YouTube: 82xfpg 833ec3 78wu5 6437gk b5wg 

Overall Rating for the Pineapple Fizz

Taste: 2

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Rum

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1 tsp Simple Syrup

? oz Club Soda

Drink 141: Second Verse, Worst as the First

Notice the disgusting
clomps of ick

Here I am again to discuss today’s drink. Yes, it is I, Mrs. Bottle, appearing again so soon after my most recent post. Mr. Bottle needed some time off because he’s still stunned from Sunday night when Joseph Smith racked up at the Tonys. And what amazes him even more is that there is an award for Best Revival. Really? They should call this award Best Remake of a Proven Moneymaker When We Ran Out of Fresh Ideas.

And speaking of remakes, let’s get on to the discussion of the drink. Today’s libation is the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake shooter. It’s made with equal parts vodka, butterscotch schnapps, Irish cream liqueur, and pineapple juice. So let’s get into the reason this drink was a remake. No, it’s not a different name for another drink with the same ingredients. And it’s not a different drink with the same name as another drink. This was a drink that I actually had to make twice. Sadly, unlike the Tony award, it wasn’t because it was so awesome the first time around that I just had to make it again to experience the wonderful fusion of all the flavors. Nope, this drink was remade for another reason.

If you recall, our Bailey's is a little bit old. And when I say that, I mean it’s more than a little bit old. So I first made the shooter with the “aged” Bailey's. This turned out to look and taste pretty gross because it was thick and looked curdled with odd bits floating around. I had purchased a mini bottle of Baileys to compare against our “aged” bottle so I whipped that sucker out and poured two samples. Turns out that ten year old Baileys is really thick compared to two month old Bailey's. The “aged” stuff also tastes quite a bit worse so maybe we don’t dislike it that much after all. With this shocking development, we decided  that I should remake the drink with the new and improved Baileys. That’s when we discovered that this drink was still gross. Even though you have to strain this drink, some pineapple juice bits make it through and it’s just unpleasant to drink. The flavor is ok, but not something Mr. Bottle or I really relished.

This honey is less viscous
than 9 year-old Bailey's

So for the second time, I washed most of the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake drink down the sink. It’s safe to say there won’t be a third remake anytime soon. Or anytime ever.

Overall Rating for the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

Taste: 1

Presentation: 1

Ease of Preparation: 1 – We had to make it twice

Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

½ oz Vodka
½ oz Butterscotch Schnapps
½ oz Irish Cream Liqueur
½ oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 137: Worst. Post. Evar.

Oooh, Johnny

The Johnny on the Beach is a mix of vodka, melon liqueur, black raspberry liqueur, pineapple juice, orange juice, grapefruit juice, and cranberry juice.  It is the same as the Sex on the Beach with the addition of the orange and grapefruit juices.  The taste was pretty much the same as the SotB as well:  A melon-dominated fruit bomb.  It is late and I have already had two margaritas so here endeth the post. 

Overall Rating for the Johnny on the Beach

Taste: 3

Presentation: 1

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

¾ oz Vodka

½ oz Melon Liqueur

½ oz Black Raspberry Liqueur

¼ oz Pineapple Juice

¼ oz Orange Juice

¼ oz Grapefruit Juice

¼ oz Cranberry Juice

Drink 134: Unblogging

Last week I was trying to measure the distance between two latitude/longitude pairs. Luckily I learned trigonometry in school so I knew that the formula was:

     R * cos^-1(cos(long₁-long₂)cos(lat₁)cos(lat₂)+sin(lat₁)sin(lat₂))

Be sure to convert your latitude/longitude pair to radians before you plug them into the formula!  Or just use Google maps.

That is a fine looking drink

I learned trigonometry not because I wanted to, but because it was required in my school.  It’s a good thing I wasn’t unschooled (and that my Internet was working) or I wouldn’t have been able to make my calculation.  In unschooling, the kids not only do not attend a traditional classroom-based school, they don’t learn anything they don’t want to.   It is like home-schooling to the n^th degree (that is a math term in case you happened to be unschooled).  I have a feeling that left to my own devices I wouldn’t have learned trigonometry.  On the upside, I probably would have been the greatest Atari player in the world.

I heard about unschooling from a story Mrs. Bottle told me about. The kid in the story didn’t learn how to read until he was 10 because he didn’t have a reason to read before then.  I guess up until that point they used a lot of Mr. Yuk stickers and that  game nights were limited to Candyland.   I definitely wouldn’t want someone who can’t read giving me clues in Password.

Honestly, I don’t think his story makes a very convincing case for unschooling.  His 12-year-old brother “is bored a lot because he's in between interests.”  You know what, when I was 12 I was bored a lot, too, but at least I was still learning stuff.  One thing I distinctly remember from science class when I was around that age is that the six simple machines are the wedge, the pulley, the inclined plane, the screw, and two other ones.  I certainly wouldn’t know 67% of the simple machines if I had been left to only learn what I was interested in.  That kind of simple machine knowledge would be really handy if I ever did work around the house.

My favorite part of the article is where the mom makes the case that you shouldn’t force a child to do something the child doesn’t want to do.  There are a lot of kids in my neighborhood, and based on the number of basketballs abandoned in my yard, I’m thinking maybe sometimes they should be forced to do something they don’t want to do.  Like pick up their basketballs.  Consarn it!

This 50ml
bottle is the max
amount of
coconut rum
allowed at the
estate

Enough about that, you are probably anxiously awaiting our review of today’s drink, the Heat Wave. The Heat Wave is made from coconut-flavored rum, peach schnapps, pineapple juice, orange juice, and grenadine.   It was a bit sweet, but overall pretty tasty.  I was surprised since it has both peach schnapps and grenadine, which are two unwelcome ingredients.  Mrs. Bottle dislikes coconut rum as well, but she liked the Heat Wave anyway.  It probably had something to do with the fact that there were 6 ounces of juices to wipe out the less attractive flavors.  “Volume” and "ratios" are also concepts I learned in school.

If you made it this far, I would like to congratulate you on your ability to read and your ability to do something you don’t want to do. You may also be wondering what unschooling has to do with today’s drink, the Heat Wave.  The answer is “nothing.”  That is because I am unblogging today.  I don’t have to write about anything that I am not interested in, and I am not interested in making a connection between the drink and the rest of the post.

Overall Rating for the Heat Wave

 

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 15 –  5% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Coconut-flavored Rum

0.5 oz Peach Schnapps

3 oz Pineapple Juice

3 oz Orange Juice

0.5 oz Grenadine

Drink 119: Oompa Loompa Doompadee Do

A pessimist might
call this glass half foam

Color me embarrassed.  I was fairly confident that yesterday’s entry would be our last.  Alas, the rapture didn’t happen as far as I know and everyone is still here. Mrs. Bottle is so upset that she didn’t get called away that she couldn’t bear to write her normal Sunday entry. Since I was thinking that we wouldn’t have a post anyway, I didn’t spend any time preparing or even thinking about what to write.  Therefore today will have less substance than normal.  That is actually a pretty big accomplishment.

Today we have a TBIAW rarity: The frozen cocktail.  It is called the Sweet-Tart and it made from vodka, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, and lime juice.  You put it all in a blender with some ice, mix it up, and drink it.  That’s the theory at least.  What we ended up with was a bit of very cold liquid drink and a lot of frozen meringue.  I thought the drink's flavor was good although it was a bit weak.  It was also disappointing that it turned out so foamy since the foam was pretty tough to drink.  That can probably be blamed more on our blender than the recipe, though.

Finally, I would like to congratulate the inventor of this drink for calling it the Sweet-Tart instead of SweeTarts, therefore avoiding a trademark infringement and the wrath of Willa Wonka.  He isn’t exactly known for his restraint.    Even John Yoo thinks that Wonka’s methods are borderline.   Of course  anyone who has ever tried to deal with Oompa Loompas would understand that Wonka's toughness is a necessity to maintain factory security.

He just didn't listen
Img: geekologie.com

Overall Rating for the Sweet-Tart

Taste: 4

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 9– 10% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Vodka

3 oz Cranberry Juice

3 oz Pineapple Juice

1 dash Lime Juice

Drink 107: Slow News Day

Not Peachy Keen

I know this is going to blow your mind, but Mrs. Bottle is here two days in a row. Super amazing, I know. Mr. Bottle is too busy ready all the stories about Osama Bin Laden  so I am taking the opportunity to discuss today’s drink, the Rocky Mountain Cooler.  Since we’ve been cooling our heels for 10 years waiting for this moment, this seems a fitting drink (feel free to groan out loud because I certainly did as those words poured out).  Anyone who has read the Boston Gold entry knows that I actually create the menu on Saturdays and I assure you that the CIA did not give me a heads up on the operation in order for me to pick out the perfect drink for today’s blog. If they had, I’m pretty sure it would not have been this one. Because something called the Osama is Gone drink would have been even more fitting. If only Mr. Boston had included something clever and prophetic like that. Then my mind would have been blown.

On to the drink. The Rocky Mountain Cooler is made from peach schnapps, pineapple juice and lemon-lime soda (we used Sprite Zero). When Mr. Bottle and I had our first sips of the drink, we thought it was pretty darn good and that it certainly merited a “4” on the TBIAW scale of drink awesomeness. Then we continued to drink it and the peach flavor became more and more pronounced. By the end of the drink, I had Mr. Bottle in a headlock and was trying to force it down his gullet because I really didn’t want a single additional drop of that sickly sweet stuff. Needless to say our final rating dropped, as you can see below.

Final conclusion: This drink would have been better with no peach schnapps and vodka instead. Or just as plain Sprite Zero because that’s tasty too and it has almost as much alcohol.

Overall Rating for the Rocky Mountain Cooler

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 25 – 3% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Peach schnapps

4 oz Pineapple juice

2 oz Lemon-lime soda

Drink 99: Bad Cocktail Reason No. 1 (and 2 and 3 and 4)

East India Cocktail Pick No. 1

Mr. Bottle isn’t feeling it today so I offered to fill in (I'm Mrs. Bottle for those first time readers out there- all none of you). Today’s drink is the East India Cocktail No. 1 and it’s made from brandy, pineapple juice, triple sec, Jamaican rum, and the all important dash of bitters. Basically this drink sucks. There are many reasons so let me get on with the enumeration.

No. 1: There is only ½ tsp. each of the pineapple juice and triple sec and 1 tsp. of the rum. What the hell is the point of that? All you can taste is brandy, brandy, brandy. This is like getting a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and there being a tiny pin-headed dot of peanut butter in the center. Might as well just have bought a Hershey’s bar. In this case, you would have poured yourself a shot of brandy.

No. 2: This whole idea that it’s ok to have a recipe with a tsp. or ½ tsp. of this stuff is absurd. It’s not easy to pour these amounts from a liter sized bottle. And you certainly won’t find those marks on your shot glass so have fun pouring into those tiny little spoons. So why put yourself through the pain for what No. 1 points out above. You can’t taste a ½ tsp. of anything.

This chart will help you see what I mean

No. 3: Brandy is not tasty. Not to get repetitive, but I cannot emphasize enough that as No. 1 points out, a ½ tsp. of a liquid is not going to impact the flavor of the drink. Sadly this resulted in a big swig of burning brandy down the gullet. I guess this point doesn’t apply if you like brandy but this is my list so it stays.

No. 4: The name of this drink is too long. And there’s no East India Cocktail No. 2 so I don’t get it.

Overall Rating for the East India Cocktail No. 1

Taste: 1 – Brandy, brandy, brandy
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 1 – Those teaspoons ruined it
Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 37% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Brandy
1 tsp Jamaican rum
½ tsp Pineapple juice
½ tsp Triple sec
Dash of Bitters

Drink 87: Bamba Bottle, Bamba Bottle



You dropped La Bomba on me, baby

Mrs. Bottle here to share my thoughts about our latest drink. First, I will only be discussing a single drink as opposed to the last blog which covered 324 minus 321 drinks. We received some feedback that more than one drink is just too much for anyone to process and I think Mr. Bottle and I have to agree. We may be going back to blogging every day but some entries might not be so lengthy. Although we’ll see if Mr. Bottle can hold himself back because I have my doubts. I, however, will continue to create the same amount of prose as usual so here we go.

Today’s drink is the La Bomba. I hope all nine of our readers are now singing the song like I’ve been doing for days now. Because I don’t speak Spanish, I go around mumbling nonsense and then burst out with “La Bamba” at 100 decibels. I think Mr. Bottle will be very happy when this works its way out of my system, but I’ve got music in my soul that just can’t be suppressed. Anyway, the La Bomba is made with gold tequila, triple sec, pineapple and orange juices, and two splashes of grenadine (or a large pour because I can’t do dashes from a big bottle). The drink was good but a little sweet. It called for a sugar rimmed glass and that, coupled with the juices meant that I could barely taste the tequila. Luckily Mr. Bottle was around to drink most of it so I could get back to my wine.

So, some of you quick folks out there may have noticed the spelling difference between the drink name and the song name. The internet taught me that La Bamba has no direct translation to English (even Babel Fish couldn’t help). Apparently in English, it means “bamba”. While that was super helpful, I continued searching and discovered that la bomba actually translates into something that I can get behind: the pump. I don’t know what kind of pump but I was just glad it wasn’t “bomba”. What was really annoying was when I first searched Google for the translation of la bomba (“la bomba Spanish to English translation” was my exact search), every result on the first page was a link to the lyrics of La Bamba. My takeaway? Either the maker of this drink was confused about the spelling of the song or Google is stupid. Doesn’t matter to me because I’m just going to keep singing: Yo no soy marinero, yo no soy marinero, soy capitan, soy capitan, soy capitan.

Don't bring this on a plane
Image from bomba.at which has
naked people on the home page

Overall Rating for the La Bomba

Taste: 4 - Too sweet for a 5
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 3 - A sugar rim on a giant glass is annoying
Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 14% Alcohol

Ingredients

1¼ oz Gold Tequila
¾ oz Triple Sec
1½ oz Orange Juice
1½ oz Pineapple Juice
2 dashes Grenadine

Day 76: Goober ‘til the Last Drop

This is about half a Goober

Last night started off pretty chill at the Bottle Wonderland Estate.  I was parked on the couch watching television trying to relax after an exhausting session of Angry Birds.  Mrs. Bottle was heating up some food in the kitchen.  Then suddenly everything changed.  Mrs. Bottle started assembling bottle after bottle of liquor, liqueur, and fruit juice on the counter.  She frantically pulled dozens of glasses out the cabinet, proclaiming each one more worthless than the prior. She started eyeballing our cocktail shaker with a look of concern and then finally threw up her hands in disgust and shouted “why me, why me?!?!”  I am used to that yell each year on our wedding anniversary, but it seemed oddly out of place last night.

Why the kerfuffle?  It was all because of our next drink, the Goober.  The Goober is a mix of vodka, black raspberry liqueur, melon liqueur, triple sec, grenadine, pineapple juice, and orange juice.  That is lot of ingredients. That is also a lot of volume.  13.5 ounces to be exact.  That is ridiculously large for a beverage not served via drive-through window or convenience store.  We didn’t have a single glass large enough to hold 13.5 ounces.  Unless of course you count our margarita glasses or our massive stadium cup collection or our flower vases, but none of those would be appropriate for a drink as sophisticated as the Goober.  It was also a lot more than our cocktail shaker could hold.  We had to bust out our decorative shaker, but those are the types of sacrifices we make for our art.

Look at the size of that thing!

Once we had filled the shaker with the cornucopia of liquids, it was time to shake it.  Last year at this time Mrs. Bottle might not have been able to lift such a heavy drink, but she has been using her shake weight religiously for months. This gave her the proper upper body strength and technique necessary for a good mix.  The shaking must have worked because the Goober turned out to be very good.  For me the tastes that were most prevalent were the melon liqueur and the orange juice.  Mrs. Bottle thought the raspberry liqueur was the star.  Either way, it was pretty fruity.  Not there’s anything wrong with that.  The one thing neither of us tasted was a goober pea, leaving us slightly confused about the drink’s name. We didn’t let that stop us from downing the whole thing, though.

Overall Rating for the Goober

 

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 10% alcohol.  You’ll never get there, though, since that would be a gallon of Goober

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

1.5 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur

1.5 oz Melon Liqueur

1 oz Triple Sec

1 oz Grenadine

3 oz Pineapple Juice

4 oz Orange Juice