Drink 180: Bang Bang Bang on the Door, Baby

Mrs. Bottle is here on another non-Sunday to amaze and surprise you with today’s drink review. I was actually supposed to write this up for yesterday but I had to watch Breaking Bad and The Big C instead. I also had to sit and stare for hours in wonder at the amazing cuteness of our baby kittens, Little Lord Johnny Walker and Little Lady Crème de Cacao. And why are there no liquors with female names? It’s as if no women have ever created their own brand of tasty alcohol. If any of our nine readers know of any liquor products with female namesakes, please drop us a line so we may stimulate the economy more than we already have. Ed Note: Tia Maria?

Strat-o-fied
In metric for our European Friends

So today’s drink is the popular shooter, the B-52, made with coffee liqueur, Irish cream liqueur, and Mandarine Napoleon. We used Kahlua, Bailey’s and Grand Marnier, although Mr. Bottle wanted me to use Blue Curacao again. You may have picked up on the fact that he’s become obsessed with drinking blue beverages. However, this drink is layered so the color of the ingredients is actually an important feature. Unbelievably, the layering actually worked this time. However, we discovered that it’s difficult to share a taste test with a layered shot. Mr. Bottle suggested stirring it up but I couldn’t bear to destroy the integrity of my creation. So I took a big swig and tasted… orange. Mr. Bottle took a medium swig and tasted… Bailey’s. I took another tiny swig and tasted… some Bailey’s and some Kahula. Mr. Bottle took the final swig and tasted… mostly Kahlua and some Bailey’s. I think we were mostly satisfied with each part but we still don’t really know what this drink tastes like as designed. Probably good, but who knows.

For a bit of trivia, the B-52 is also referred to as the “Bifi” and according to Wikipedia (so you know it’s true), is named for the US B-52 Stratofortress long range bomber used in the Vietnam War. Apparently there’s also a flaming version which I believe is called the Flaming B-52. Clever. This probably makes more sense being named after a bomb. You know, because it’s incendiary. I also learned that Grand Marnier is hard to ignite unless warmed. There’s your useful info for today. It’s your job to figure out how to use it.

Overall Rating for the B-52

Taste: 4 – The average of 4,3,4,4 from our tasting

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 4 – 28% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur

0.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

0.5 oz Mandarine Napoleon

Drink 174: The Return of Buddy Love

Myspace Angle

Sound the horns, hit the lights, and then behold! Mrs. Bottle is back!! I know all eighteen of our readers have been on the edge of their seats wondering where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, or even if I’m alive or dead. I’ve been here, at the wondrous TBIAW estate. I’ve been reading a lot and watching True Blood and Happy Days reruns. And I’m still alive. Also, Mr. Bottle and I have been quite social for the past several Saturday nights resulting in no drink for me to critique. Sure, I could have written a blog on another day but I wanted to keep the mystery alive. And yes, this is a different day but Mr. Bottle didn’t feel like reviewing today’s beverage, ultimately forcing my return.

Speaking of today’s drink, it is a shooter called the Nutty Professor. And not the kind featuring Jerry Lewis. No, this is a shooter calling for equal parts of Mandarine Napoleon, Irish cream liqueur, and hazelnut liqueur. For our version, we used Grand Marnier, Bailey’s, and Frangelico. The drink smelled and tasted pretty nutty, possibly from the hazelnut liqueur. It was also pretty creamy with a hint of orange and I thought that overall it had a pleasant flavor. Mr. Bottle however was not a fan, possibly because of the cold feelings he has for Bailey’s. But since the drink was small and tasty, I didn’t mind finishing it off by myself.

In case you were wondering how big a hazelnut is in centimeters
 img

Now is the part of the blog where I teach you about the newly acquired item in our bar stock: Frangelico. Putting aside the ever annoying birth date request on the home page, this might possibly be the most informative alcohol website I’ve ever visited. You might be surprised to learn that Frangelico is made with hazelnuts. That was a doozy, but wait. It’s actually made with Tonda Gentile hazelnuts, which can only be found in the northern Piedmont hills of Italy. These are also found in Nutella so you know they’re the best. Some other fun facts: In case you are blind, the Frangelico bottle is shaped like a monk. In case you have tummy issues, Frangelico is gluten free. In case you are Jewish, Frangelico is kosher. And lastly, in case you get some and don’t use it, Frangelico has a shelf life of twenty years. Twenty years you say? With our history, this might just be the most perfect bottle for our bar.

Overall Rating for the Nutty Professor

 

Taste: 4 – Mr. Bottle might say less

Presentation: 3 – unless you are into milky beige

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 27% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Mandarine Napoleon

0.5 oz Hazelnut Liqueur

0.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Drink 145: Pwner's Manual

What's vp with
the "v"s?
Did yov notice?

Today we bring you the Stalactite, a mix of sambuca, black raspberry liqueur, and Irish cream liqueur.  Since the Bottle Wonderland bar isn’t normally stocked with sambuca, Mrs. Bottle had to make a run to the liquor store to get some.  Some people might think of this as a chore, but for Mrs. Bottle it is one of the small pleasures in life.  When she is in the liquor store she sees a world filled with possibilities.

Since sambuca is a new liquor in our repertoire, we had our traditional pre-cocktail tasting.  Mrs. Bottle was not looking forward to it since the primary flavor component of sambuca is anise (see: Galliano). This is similar to the flavor of black licorice.  Mrs. Bottle does not like black licorice.  She claims it should not even be considered candy. It led us to a long discussion of the merits of black licorice as compared to those of strawberry Twizzlers.  I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that I pwnd Mrs. Bottle.

Since I like black licorice I found the sambuca tasty as expected.  Surprisingly, Mrs. Bottle also thought it was good. In the battle of anise-flavored alcohol, sambuca pwns Galliano. Taste test completed, we proceeded to make the drink. This drink had some of the more complicated instructions so far.  We were supposed to float the Irish cream on top of the sambuca, and then “carefully pour the raspberry liqueur, drop by drop, as top layer.”  The idea is that each drop of raspberry liqueur will pull the Irish cream down making little stalactites in the drink.  (Remember, stalactites cling “tite” to the roof while stalagmites “mite” make it up there one day. Knowledge is power.)

Not a stalactite
 in site

We don’t have an eye-dropper, so pouring something drop by drop was pretty much an impossibility. Mrs. Bottle gave it her best shot but it just wasn’t meant to be.  She was pwnd by the instructions.  Apparently a lot of people get pwnd by those instructions since I couldn’t find a single picture of a successful implementation of this drink online.  Of course, the taste of the drink is much more important than the looks.  In this case, the taste was surprisingly good.  I thought for sure that the raspberry and Irish cream would be gross mixed with sambuca but they were fine.  It is probably due to the fact that those flavors where muted compared to the sambuca and you couldn’t really taste them until your post-drink burp.  You do have a post-drink burp, right?

Overall Rating for the Stalactite

Taste: 4

Presentation: 1 – Probably a 5 if we did it right

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Probably a 1 if we did it right

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 35% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.25 oz Sambuca

0.25 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur

0.25 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Drink 144: Two Posts, One Day

Since I was too lazy to post an entry yesterday, we are posting twice today.  The good news is that for our second drink we will keep it brief.  Then I don’t have to write too much and you don’t have to read too much.  Yet another TBIAW win-win-win.

I have had it with
these mothereffing
snakes in this
mothereffing glass!

Today’s second drink is the Rattlesnake, a shooter made from equal parts coffee liqueur, crème de cacao, and Irish cream liqueur. In theory the ingredients are supposed to be floated on one another, but, as is usually the case, the float did not work. Regardless, we pressed on and tasted it. 

Both Mrs. Bottle and I enjoyed the Rattlesnake, but it had some shortcomings that kept it from a flawless victory.  The drink was a little too sweet for our taste, which isn’t too surprising considering all the ingredients are liqueurs.  The drink is also served at room temperature. This makes sense in a way when you consider that a rattlesnake is an ectotherm.  Unfortunately the sweetness was magnified by the warm nature of the drink.  Maybe if we kept the thermostat at the Bottle Wonderland Estate below 80 degrees the Rattlesnake would have been a bit cooler.

Finally, the liqueurs and the warmth also gave the drink a motor-oil-like consistency.  I’m thinking around an SAE 40.  While I like to stay as lubricated as the next guy, I would definitely not be able to drink too much of this one.  It didn’t bother Mrs. Bottle though.  She thought it would make a good dessert.  Of course, she says that about most potent potables. 

Hurm.  It turns out that this entry wasn’t short like I thought it would be.  I’m okay with that, though, since I like to under-promise and over-deliver. I guess I should have left this post to Mrs. Bottle.  She summed up the drink in one word: dessyrupy

Overall Rating for the Rattlesnake

Taste: 4 – A little too dessyrupy for a 5

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 23% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Coffee Liqueur

1 oz Crème de Cacao

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Drink 141: Second Verse, Worst as the First

Notice the disgusting
clomps of ick

Here I am again to discuss today’s drink. Yes, it is I, Mrs. Bottle, appearing again so soon after my most recent post. Mr. Bottle needed some time off because he’s still stunned from Sunday night when Joseph Smith racked up at the Tonys. And what amazes him even more is that there is an award for Best Revival. Really? They should call this award Best Remake of a Proven Moneymaker When We Ran Out of Fresh Ideas.

And speaking of remakes, let’s get on to the discussion of the drink. Today’s libation is the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake shooter. It’s made with equal parts vodka, butterscotch schnapps, Irish cream liqueur, and pineapple juice. So let’s get into the reason this drink was a remake. No, it’s not a different name for another drink with the same ingredients. And it’s not a different drink with the same name as another drink. This was a drink that I actually had to make twice. Sadly, unlike the Tony award, it wasn’t because it was so awesome the first time around that I just had to make it again to experience the wonderful fusion of all the flavors. Nope, this drink was remade for another reason.

If you recall, our Bailey's is a little bit old. And when I say that, I mean it’s more than a little bit old. So I first made the shooter with the “aged” Bailey's. This turned out to look and taste pretty gross because it was thick and looked curdled with odd bits floating around. I had purchased a mini bottle of Baileys to compare against our “aged” bottle so I whipped that sucker out and poured two samples. Turns out that ten year old Baileys is really thick compared to two month old Bailey's. The “aged” stuff also tastes quite a bit worse so maybe we don’t dislike it that much after all. With this shocking development, we decided  that I should remake the drink with the new and improved Baileys. That’s when we discovered that this drink was still gross. Even though you have to strain this drink, some pineapple juice bits make it through and it’s just unpleasant to drink. The flavor is ok, but not something Mr. Bottle or I really relished.

This honey is less viscous
than 9 year-old Bailey's

So for the second time, I washed most of the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake drink down the sink. It’s safe to say there won’t be a third remake anytime soon. Or anytime ever.

Overall Rating for the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

Taste: 1

Presentation: 1

Ease of Preparation: 1 – We had to make it twice

Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

½ oz Vodka
½ oz Butterscotch Schnapps
½ oz Irish Cream Liqueur
½ oz Pineapple Juice

Day 67: Pinch by Pinch

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  This is my favorite day of the year.  It’s not because I will go out to some hokey Irish pub and drink until I can’t see straight.  That is something I can do any day of the year.  It is my favorite day because I will wear no green and seek large crowds in the hopes that I get pinched.  For many people getting pinched may be an unpleasant experience, but when you are as starved for human contact as I am, a pinch is better than isolation and unfulfilled desires.

I don't think that comes off as disturbing at all, but let’s move on.  We are finishing our run of Irish drinks with the Irish Flag, a shooter made from Irish cream liqueur, crème de menthe, and Mandarine Napoleon orange liqueur. The idea behind this drink is that you can layer the liqueurs and it will end up looking like the Irish flag:

Best Case
Scenario

The Irish Flag name is a little misleading since there is no way it could look like that. Instead, it would look like the Irish flag if you flipped it on its side and changed the color of the center stripe from white to brown (the actual color of Irish cream).  Our best-case scenario is something that looks like an Irish flag that is dirty and passed out after a night of drinking, so it still seems appropriate after all.   

We had a few things working against us in the Irish Flag.  The first is that it called for green crème de menthe.  Our crème de menthe is white.  It turns out that the only difference between the green and white crème de menthe is some green food coloring. Luckily we always keep our pantry stocked with green food coloring. If we didn’t, how could Mrs. Bottle make me green eggs and ham every Tuesday?

The second problem is that this recipe calls for a specific orange liqueur, Mandarine Napoleon, presumably because of its orange color.  We don’t have that particular liqueur so we substituted Patrón Citrónge orange liqueur and planned to use more food coloring to make it orange.  In retrospect, we probably should have chosen Grand Marnier, which is already orange-colored.

The laws of physics were the only other things in our way. Historically we have had a distinct lack of success with cocktail floats. We recently bucked that trend, though, so we had some hope of success.   Mrs. Bottle poured our “green” crème de menthe into the glass.  So far so good.  It floated on the glass no problem. She then added the Baileys and it floated, too!  A little green seeped through much like the bubbling crude of one Mr. Jed Clampett, but it wasn’t enough to cause any major concerns.

Gulf of Mexico Tea

Irish Flag?

 Then came the moment of truth.  Would our Patrón substitute for the Mandarine Napoleon as seamlessly as Replacement Becky filled in for Original Becky?  Would it float on the Baileys and create a sort-of version of the flag of Ireland?  In a word, “no.”  Mrs. Bottle’s pouring technique was flawless, but the laws of physics defeated us again.  The orange liqueur immediately started sinking through the Baileys.  Eventually it sank completely below the Baileys and formed a layer between it and the crème de menthe, representing the flag of nowhere.

Although we were not shocked by this development we were saddened.  We hoped that the drink would cheer us up, but suspected that orange, mint, and Baileys were probably picked more for their aesthetics than their complementary flavors.   It turned out that our concerns were baseless, though, because once again the Baileys overwhelmed the other flavors. We couldn’t taste any mint or orange. It tasted like Baileys with a faint burning in our mouths.  The burning was probably because the Irish Flag is almost 30% alcohol.  A couple of these and you won’t notice or even care that the colors are in the wrong order.



When we make the Libya Flag we will get it right

Overall Rating for the Irish Flag

Taste: 3

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 4

Ingredients

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

1 oz Crème de Menthe

1 oz Mandarine Napoleon

Day 65: Charlie Foxtrot

Drink me, I'm Irish Charlie

In case you didn’t know, St. Patrick’s Day is later this week.  We decided not to do a full theme week since we didn’t think of it in time but we thought we could have a few Irish-themed drinks anyway to get us in the party mood.   We start off with the Irish Charlie, a shooter made from Irish cream liqueur and crème de menthe.  After thorough research we determined that this drink is called the Irish Charlie because that was the nickname of former president of Ireland Charles De Gaulle.  To make this drink into an Irish Charlie Sheen you substitute crazy for the crème de menthe.

We used Bailey’s Irish Cream, the best selling liqueur in the world. We have already covered the special relationship between Baileys and Irish cows but we wanted to learn if there were other reasons it was so popular.  I broke out my Ultimate Encyclopedia of Wine, Beer, Spirits, and Liqueurs and learned that Baileys is the “kind of soft svelte drink that unscrupulous boys plied unsuspecting girls with in nightclubs.”  I can see why that would make it popular.  I wish I had known that when I was in college. It probably would have been more effective than my standard technique of begging and sobbing.  That is also the technique I used if I ever convinced an unsuspecting girl to come back to my apartment.

As far as the drink itself, it was only so-so. The Baileys mostly overwhelmed our taste buds leaving only a hint of mint remaining.  Neither Mrs. Bottle nor I are huge fans of Baileys so this wasn’t our favorite outcome.  It wasn’t terrible, but it isn’t something I would make again.  If you like Baileys and mint you will likely enjoy it.  If you don’t, you probably won’t. You can’t get that kind of review just anywhere.

Using fresh Baileys might help, too.  Baileys has a shelf life of 30 months and I thought ours was probably older than that.  I found the expiration date on our bottle:

This is 2011. 12/2002 is 98 months ago.  98! If that date is 30 months past the purchase date our bottle is over 10 years old.  I think that might actually qualify as an antique.  That might be okay for a bottle of Scotch or fine wine, but this stuff is made with cream.  From happy cows!  I’m no food scientist, but maybe one that was fresh would taste better.  And be less likely to kill us.

Overall Rating for the Irish Charlie

Taste: 3

Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 –  24% alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

1 oz Crème de Menthe

Day 63: Our Slip Is Showing

Today’s drink is the Banana Slip and Mrs. Bottle is here to provide my insightful take. It’s a shooter that consists of 1.5 ounces each of Crème de Banana and Irish cream liqueur. A 3 ounce shooter??? Isn’t that rather large for a beverage you’re supposed to down in one gulp? Considering I have trouble getting a normal shot of 1.5 ounces down, I’m going with “yes”.

The Banana Slip is hearted by Irish Monkeys

My favorite part of this drink is that I was finally able to make a proper float, adding the Irish cream on top of the Crème de Banana. All of the recipes I found online said to “pour carefully” so that’s what I did. I felt truly triumphant afterwards. I could hear the trumpets blaring at the greatness of the float I had achieved. I carried it ever so carefully to our picture taking area, then carried it ever so carefully back to the Bottle Wonderland Estate Kitchen. Then I tried to drink it and all I got was a mouthful of Bailey’s (yummy!). Mr. Bottle followed suit with the same results. Apparently you need a cement mixer to combine this thing because there was still a solid float going on, albeit much less of one. I whipped out the stir stick to combine the ingredients and then we tasted away. A slight burning alcohol and banana taste with a lot of Bailey’s flavor so not a fan favorite in this household. Maybe a human sized shooter would have allowed a better combo of flavors.

Future Vintage Bottle

So then I pondered the Crème de Banana ingredient. After vast searching on the Internet I learned that along with alcoholic beverages, it can be used as a syrup on frozen desserts or in some baked dishes to add a massive boost of banana flavor. We purchased Hiram Walker’s version, so I thought I’d see what they could add. Another great website with the obligatory date of birth entry page. Only 2 characters provided for the year though, so what if a 10 year old was trying to explore the world of schnapps and liqueurs?? They just assume the kid was born in 1901? That seems irresponsible.

Next I discovered a helpful part of Hiram Walker’s website: the FAQ. “I recently purchased a Hiram Walker product and don’t know how to use it. Can you help?” Seriously? You don’t know why you bought this high quality product? “Are there sugars in Hiram Walker products?” Ok, have you ever tasted a schnapps or liqueur? “How much are my vintage bottles worth?” They are still asking questions about Hiram Walker products right? But then this flies in the face of another question: “How long is Hiram Walker’s shelf life?” An actual question I can’t mock. Apparently 2 years if unopened and 6 months if opened.

Wait a minute… Maybe the shelf life explains why the shooter is 3 ounces. So drink up! And fast!

Overall Rating for the Banana Slip

Taste: 3
Presentation: 5 - Until you want to taste the combination of flavors
Ease of Preparation: 3 - would have been a 2 if it was harder to do that float thing
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 17% Alcohol


Ingredients

1.5 oz Crème de Banana
1.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Day 38: Fail-y Irish Cream

Romance Bear will be disappointed

While Mr. Bottle sleeps, Mrs. Bottle here to discuss today’s drink. The penultimate beverage from this week’s tribute to Romance is called Death by Chocolate. It is a mixture of crushed ice, Irish cream liqueur, Crème de Cocoa (the brown kind), vodka and chocolate ice cream. I have to admit that I was giddy with excitement about today’s drink and my expectations were soaring through the clouds. Bailey’s? Like it. Crème de Cocoa? Mmmm. Chocolate ice cream? Nom nom nom. Then my expectations jumped from the plane without a parachute.

First, I’d like to propose a new name for this drink. The ratio of Bailey’s to the rest of the ingredients actually resulted in a frozen concoction I’d like to call the Languishing Coma by Bailey’s. I thought I liked Bailey’s, but not when I expect to taste chocolate and I get nothing. Even the Cool Whip and chocolate jimmies on top couldn’t help much. This did not put me or Mr. Bottle in a very romantic mood. His first sip resulted in the subtle statement “I don’t like this at all”. While I agreed, I kept thinking it would get better if I mixed in all that Cool Whip and added even more jimmies. No such luck.

Relationships this special
are usually found in Tijuana

This led me to question my belief in the tastiness of Bailey’s. While I very much detest all alcohol websites for reasons others have already blogged about, I tentatively ventured to Bailey’s site. First, I give kudos to them for not adding some awful flash and loud music to their site. But I did learn that what makes Bailey’s so special is the Irish milk from the Irish cows that apparently are the happiest cows in the world. So many questions here: Who interviewed all the cows in the world? And how did they actually talk to all the cows? How do Irish cows know that it’s better in Ireland? Seems like if I were a cow, I’d prefer India. I also learned that the whiskey and the cream in Bailey’s have a special relationship. A “special” relationship?? This doesn’t sound romantic at all.

My recommendation: Get a chocolate milkshake and add vodka for a romantic relationship.

Overall Rating for Death By Chocolate

Taste: 2 - We signed up for some chocolate-y goodness not Bailey’s meh-ness
Presentation: 4 - Chocolate jimmies are worth at least a point
Ease of Preparation: 2 - Required a blender
Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 7% alcohol
Romance Score: 2

Ingredients

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur
.5 oz Crème de Cocoa (Dark)
.5 oz Vodka
1 scoop Chocolate Ice Cream