Drink 184: Uh Oh, It's Magic

Today’s drink is the Black Magic and Mrs. Bottle is here to report on its wonders. It’s made with vodka, coffee liqueur and a dash of lemon juice. It’s almost identical to the Brave Bull we’ve already reviewed, except the Black Magic called for vodka instead of tequila. And that lemon juice is new too. It was a pretty tasty beverage and Mr. Bottle and I essentially chugged the thing. The only complaint I have is that the “dash” of lemon juice seems pointless because you can’t really taste it. Here’s the official definition (according to http://www.epicurious.com/): “a very small amount of seasoning added to food with a quick, downward stroke of the hand, such as "a dash of Tabasco." In general, a dash can be considered to be somewhere between 1/16 and a scant 1/8 teaspoon.” Now that I know exactly what a dash amounts to, I think I probably added two dashes of lemon juice. And I still didn’t taste the lemon. Pointless has definitely been proven.

I know you're gettin' twisted
and you can't come down


So you may have noticed that this is our first post in almost a week. That’s because I was working very late last week so I didn’t really feel like making a drink for the blog. Your next thought may be something along the lines of “Wow- they went a whole week without a drink? That must have been hard for them.” Just to set the record straight, I didn’t say I didn’t feel like having a drink. Sure, we could rhapsodize about the wondrous notes of our favorite blended red or the significant watery flavor in our normal low calorie beer. But nobody wants to read about me and Mr. Bottle drinking wine or beer all week.

You may also have thought to yourself, “I didn’t know Mrs. Bottle had to work so hard.” Neither did Mrs. Bottle. I’m definitely going to explore a future career as a wine pourer in some Napa winery. I’m really great at pouring the same amount of wine in identical wine glasses. It’s like I’m some sort of pouring genius. I know this is definitely something I can eventually capitalize on to make my millions. But in the meantime, I’ll just have another Black Magic.

Overall Rating for the Black Magic

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2 – I was out of practice on that lemon twist

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 34% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

0.75 oz Coffee Liqueur

1 dash Lemon Juice

Drink 180: Bang Bang Bang on the Door, Baby

Mrs. Bottle is here on another non-Sunday to amaze and surprise you with today’s drink review. I was actually supposed to write this up for yesterday but I had to watch Breaking Bad and The Big C instead. I also had to sit and stare for hours in wonder at the amazing cuteness of our baby kittens, Little Lord Johnny Walker and Little Lady Crème de Cacao. And why are there no liquors with female names? It’s as if no women have ever created their own brand of tasty alcohol. If any of our nine readers know of any liquor products with female namesakes, please drop us a line so we may stimulate the economy more than we already have. Ed Note: Tia Maria?

Strat-o-fied
In metric for our European Friends

So today’s drink is the popular shooter, the B-52, made with coffee liqueur, Irish cream liqueur, and Mandarine Napoleon. We used Kahlua, Bailey’s and Grand Marnier, although Mr. Bottle wanted me to use Blue Curacao again. You may have picked up on the fact that he’s become obsessed with drinking blue beverages. However, this drink is layered so the color of the ingredients is actually an important feature. Unbelievably, the layering actually worked this time. However, we discovered that it’s difficult to share a taste test with a layered shot. Mr. Bottle suggested stirring it up but I couldn’t bear to destroy the integrity of my creation. So I took a big swig and tasted… orange. Mr. Bottle took a medium swig and tasted… Bailey’s. I took another tiny swig and tasted… some Bailey’s and some Kahula. Mr. Bottle took the final swig and tasted… mostly Kahlua and some Bailey’s. I think we were mostly satisfied with each part but we still don’t really know what this drink tastes like as designed. Probably good, but who knows.

For a bit of trivia, the B-52 is also referred to as the “Bifi” and according to Wikipedia (so you know it’s true), is named for the US B-52 Stratofortress long range bomber used in the Vietnam War. Apparently there’s also a flaming version which I believe is called the Flaming B-52. Clever. This probably makes more sense being named after a bomb. You know, because it’s incendiary. I also learned that Grand Marnier is hard to ignite unless warmed. There’s your useful info for today. It’s your job to figure out how to use it.

Overall Rating for the B-52

Taste: 4 – The average of 4,3,4,4 from our tasting

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 4 – 28% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur

0.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

0.5 oz Mandarine Napoleon

Drink 144: Two Posts, One Day

Since I was too lazy to post an entry yesterday, we are posting twice today.  The good news is that for our second drink we will keep it brief.  Then I don’t have to write too much and you don’t have to read too much.  Yet another TBIAW win-win-win.

I have had it with
these mothereffing
snakes in this
mothereffing glass!

Today’s second drink is the Rattlesnake, a shooter made from equal parts coffee liqueur, crème de cacao, and Irish cream liqueur. In theory the ingredients are supposed to be floated on one another, but, as is usually the case, the float did not work. Regardless, we pressed on and tasted it. 

Both Mrs. Bottle and I enjoyed the Rattlesnake, but it had some shortcomings that kept it from a flawless victory.  The drink was a little too sweet for our taste, which isn’t too surprising considering all the ingredients are liqueurs.  The drink is also served at room temperature. This makes sense in a way when you consider that a rattlesnake is an ectotherm.  Unfortunately the sweetness was magnified by the warm nature of the drink.  Maybe if we kept the thermostat at the Bottle Wonderland Estate below 80 degrees the Rattlesnake would have been a bit cooler.

Finally, the liqueurs and the warmth also gave the drink a motor-oil-like consistency.  I’m thinking around an SAE 40.  While I like to stay as lubricated as the next guy, I would definitely not be able to drink too much of this one.  It didn’t bother Mrs. Bottle though.  She thought it would make a good dessert.  Of course, she says that about most potent potables. 

Hurm.  It turns out that this entry wasn’t short like I thought it would be.  I’m okay with that, though, since I like to under-promise and over-deliver. I guess I should have left this post to Mrs. Bottle.  She summed up the drink in one word: dessyrupy

Overall Rating for the Rattlesnake

Taste: 4 – A little too dessyrupy for a 5

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 23% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Coffee Liqueur

1 oz Crème de Cacao

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Drink 128: Hot Enough For You?

Hot hot hot

We have been in a bit of a heat wave lately. Yesterday the mercury peaked at about 137^o. In an effort to stay cool, Mrs. Bottle thought it would be a good idea to have a drink made with hot coffee so she chose the Mexican Coffee for our latest drink.  Our coffee maker heats the coffee to 192^o so her plan did not work (because of science). It would have worked today, though, when the temperature peaked at 712^o.

In addition to coffee, the Mexican Coffee contains coffee liqueur and tequila.  This is not to be confused with the Mexitaly Coffee which has coffee, coffee liqueur, and amaretto.  By coffee liqueur, the book probably intended for us to have some weak stuff like Kahlua or Tia Maria.  Since we are out of Kahlua (how could Mrs. Bottle let that happen?), we used Patrón XO Cafe liqueur.  The Patrón is 70 proof instead of 53 proof like Kahlua.  It still only makes the drink 8% alcohol, though, so it wasn’t a huge difference in overall potency.

The Patrón did affect the flavor, though.  It is not nearly as sweet as Kahlua, so the drink was a little bitter. Side note: the XO Café is really very tasty on its own.  Their web site says it would also make a good dessert topping, so you might want to try some on your cake the next time you are at some kid’s birthday party.  It will make the time pass faster.

Also good like this
img: yelp.com

We also used gold tequila instead of our traditional silver which added a bit more bite than it would have otherwise had.  This and the Patrón combined to make the drink a little less tasty than it had the potential to be.  I think with some silver tequila, some sweeter liqueur, and day where the temperature was somewhere south of 50 degrees, this would be a real winner.

Overall Rating for the Mexican Coffee

Taste: 3 – Has the potential for a 4 or 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 11 – 8% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Coffee Liqueur

5 oz Hot Coffee

Drink 120: Bulls on Parade

Are you like me? Do you think bullfighting is a noble sport of gallantry and art?  Do you think that the bulls are asking for it?  Do you like the way the toreador’s butt looks in his bedazzled pantaloons?  If you answered “yes” to either of the first two questions then you are not like me.  I think bullfighting is an anachronistic remnant of the past that should be forgotten, sort of like MTV. 

Do these pants make my butt look gored?
Img: totalprosports.com

I don’t like to see people get hurt, but I do think that the only good thing about bullfighting is when the bull wins.  In case you are wondering about that fellow with a bull’s horn in his butt, he wasn’t seriously hurt.  I suppose that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure the bull would agree.

Mrs. Bottle is now a pro at lemon twists

Another bull that might leave you feeling bad is the Brave Bull, but not because of its taste.  The coffee liqueur and tequila combined to make a refreshing drink.  I could see myself having a few of these.  The problem is that it comes in at just under 35% alcohol.  This makes the Brave Bull is one of the strongest drinks we’ve tried so far.  Drink too many and you might feel like you’ve been gored.   Your butt probably wouldn’t be as sore, though.  Probably.

Overall Rating for the Brave Bull

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Twist of lemon held it to a 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 3– 35% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Coffee liqueur

Drink 112: Nice Day for a White Russian

Normally Mrs. Bottle does the Sunday entry, but today I am filling in on her request.  She said that she had too many things on her “to-do” list to take the time to post.  That is really a lose-lose, since you will now have to wait an additional week to read her wit and insight and it also forces me to write something on a day when I don’t have anything to say.  Actually, that isn’t too different than a normal day, so forget I even said that.  That probably makes it the same as a normal day for you, too.

What is Mrs. Bottle doing that is keeping her so busy?  Well, right now she is watching Smallville, the TV show about Superman where he isn’t Superman and can’t even fly.  He can run really fast, though, so that’s something.  In Mrs Bottle’s defense,  she has been watching this show for almost 10 years and it is the series finale.  I also hear that he might actually fly in this one.  That is pretty important and should be higher priority than informing and entertaining the readers of TBIAW.  Also, that Clark Kent is pretty dreamy.

His razor must have triple blades
made of Kryptonite to shave his chest
that smooth

So, while she watches TV it is up to me to tell you about today’s drink, the White Russian.  The White Russian is made of vodka, coffee liqueur, and cream.  It had fairly pronounced vodka overtones, but it was still good with its creamy-coffee flavor.  It also turns out that this drink is one of Mrs. Bottle’s favorites, but she still refused to write today’s post.  She also refused to let me have more than a sip of the White Russian.  After we had each tasted it, she asked if I would like to have the rest or have something else and she would finish it.  Knowing what is good for me, I had something else.

Белый Россию

Ed. Note: The contents of today’s post are possibly exaggerated for effect.

Ed. Note 2: The previous note was definitely not made just so Mrs. Bottle won’t be mad at Mr. Bottle.

Overall Rating for the White Russian

Taste: 5 – I would give it a 4, but Mrs. Bottle would give it a 6 if she could.

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 7– 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Vodka

1 oz Coffee Liqueur

Milk or Cream

Day 71: Buongiorno, Amigos!

What do you get when you combine coffee liqueur, amaretto, and coffee?  The Mexitaly Coffee, our latest drink.   The “Mexitaly” in the name is a bit presumptuous since it assumes that we will use Kahlúa coffee liqueur from Mexico and Disaranno Originale amaretto from Italy.  In our case, we did use Kahlúa, but our amaretto is made in Ohio under license from DeKuyper, a Dutch company.  For those of you in the 50% of Americans who cannot find Ohio on a map, it is in the United States.

This is the United States

Since amaretto originated in Italy we can probably still safely the drink the Mexitaly Coffee even though ours was Mexitaliameridutch.  Here at TBIAW, we do not see ethnicity; we just see a drink that needs to be rated.  And rate it we did.

Of course before we could rate it, we had to make it.  And by "we", I mean Mrs. Bottle.  Even though she has made 95% of the drinks so far, this one provided her with a challenge she had yet to face: Using maraschino cherry juice to moisten the glass before rimming it with cinnamon sugar.  If I made the drink, I would have tried to pour some juice on a plate and dip the glass in it or maybe suck up some juice in a turkey baster and then spray it on the glass.  Whatever I did, it would have been a disaster.  Luckily Mrs. Bottle is smarter than I am and she just dipped a paper towel into the jar of cherries and then used that to moisten the glass.

All these coffee drinks kind of look the same

After applying the cinnamon sugar, she added the liqueur and the coffee.  Since this drink is only 5% alcohol, it needed a little show to make up for its weakness.  Fortunately the recipe called for it to be topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.  As we usually do, we substituted chocolate jimmies for the shavings.  You really can't go wrong with jimmies. For the whipped cream we used Reddi-Wip whipped cream instead of our usual Cool Whip.  We switched from Cool Whip to Reddi-Wip for several reasons:

1. Reddi-Wip is easier to apply to a drink than Cool Whip since Reddi-Wip has a spray nozzle

2. Reddi-Wip is easier to apply to a lot of things, if you know what I mean.

3. Reddi-Wip shows a rakish disregard for spelling rules. We luv that.

4. Reddi-Wip is made with nitrous oxide.  In a pinch you could use it to anesthetize yourself and/or boost the speed of your Honda Civic. It is the Official Whipped Cream of MacGyver^TM

5. Our tub of Cool Whip was filled with mold, which I noticed right after I put a big spoonful of it in my mouth.  On the bright side, any infections I may or may not have had are now cleared up.

The drink itself was very good.   The primary flavor was of course the coffee.  There was a slight almond note from the amaretto that added flavor complexity.  I am not a huge fan of amaretto but in this case it was pleasant. It also had a slight cherry taste at the finish due to the juice on the rim.  Of course that taste only lasted for the first few sips.  After that I had to give the rim a big lick to get any of that delicious cherry flavor.  I had to stop licking the glass, though, because it was was either grossing out Mrs. Bottle or making her aroused.  It is a fine line that I often have trouble discerning.

Overall Rating for the Mexitaly Coffee

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 17 – 5% Alcohol

Ingredients

.75 oz Coffee Liqueur

.75 oz Amaretto

Coffee

Day 61: Some of Our Best Friends Are Russian

The Black Russian is a classic, first appearing in 1949 under its original name, the Dirty Commie.  It is a combination of vodka and coffee liqueur.  As with other duo cocktails the drink has a high alcohol content.  The alcohol is definitely a featured component of the Black Russian, but the coffee liqueur added a pleasant flavor.  Of course if you hate coffee, it added an unpleasant flavor.  It also gave you a nice warm feeling in your stomach after a sip, just like a half-caf venti four pump vanilla half soy no foam extra hot cinnamon swirled mocha latte would.

WTF? The glass is tiny and
it is still mostly empty

Picking the final rating for the Black Russian wasn't easy.  On my first sip it was a bit too strong, but after the shock wore off it became more inviting.  You always have to give the drink time to settle in.  Even so, we were going to give this drink a rating of three. After noticing that Mrs. Bottle ended up finishing the whole drink, I decided to bump it to a four. She did mention that letting the ice melt a little helped.  Of course if we bumped every drink by a point just because one of us finished it, we would have worse inflation than the Weimar Republic.

Even though the Black Russian was good, Mrs. Bottle thought that increasing the amount of coffee liqueur would make it even better.  She also thought that adding some cream would make it tastier still.  Of course had we added milk or cream we would have had a White Russian, one of the many variants of this drink.  If you removed the vodka, you have a Senator Joe McCarthy.  Using skim milk in a White Russian gives you an Anna Kournikova.  That one looks a lot better than it tastes.  There is even one where you add Yoo Hoo to a Black Russian; it is called Why Are You Punishing Me, Jesus?

"George Bush doesn't care about Black Russians"

Overall Rating for the Black Russian

Taste: 4

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 36% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

.75 oz Coffee Liqueur

Day 47: Carrion My Wayward Son



Glass doubles as a weapon

I have never smelled a buzzard’s breath.  I once made a list of all animals ordering them by estimated freshness of breath and buzzards scored fairly low.   They were far below koala bears but just above dogs.  As you might have surmised, I spend a lot of time thinking about animal breath and I believe that a buzzard’s would smell like a combination of rotting garbage and rotting flesh. For most people that would be unappetizing.  It was therefore with trepidation that we approached today’s drink, the Buzzard’s Breath.

It turns out that the Buzzard’s Breath is made with amaretto, coffee liqueur, and peppermint schnapps. I was both relieved and surprisingly disappointed that there was no carrion in the recipe.  I guess the buzzard that inspired this drink lived somewhere with access to almonds, coffee, and mints. The best I can tell is that it must be from near the Cincinnati airport.  It is right next to a Mentos factory and, like every other place in America, there are plenty of Starbucks around.  There are no almond trees nearby, but I’m sure they sell them for $8 a bag at the airport

Our Buzzard’s Breath tasted vaguely like a mint coffee.  I thought it was pretty pleasant but Mrs. Bottle didn’t care for it all that much.  I found that puzzling since she has won a lifetime achievement award from Starbucks.  She did say that it left her mouth feeling nice, though, so that is a plus. I imagine that was due to the peppermint schnapps leaving a hint of minty aftertaste.  Even though the drink had a bit of a syrupy texture, it was not overly sweet.  It also looks quite a bit like coffee, so you could probably substitute this for your morning joe and no one would be the wiser. The only clue would be that you wouldn't have horrible coffee breath.



Two famous buzzards



Overall Rating for the Buzzard’s Breath

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 20% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Amaretto

0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur

0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps

Day 18: The Glass is Half and Half Full

I said "Week of Cream"!

Mrs. Bottle here once again to kick off the Week of Cream! This sounds kinky, I know, but it actually means 7 days of drinking cocktails made with some form of cream. I’d like to think we’re clever for coming up with a themed week. But we just bought some cream for today’s drink and didn’t want it to go to waste.

Let me first explain the different types of cream. I learned about them while standing in the grocery store looking for the “Light Cream” that wasn’t there. There are several types of cream: Half and Half, Light Cream, Whipping Cream, Heavy Cream, and some others nobody cares about. Obviously ½ & ½ is part milk and part cream. I also learned that even though it’s less fatty than Light Cream (12% vs. 20% fat), they’re interchangeable. I think it’s mainly because Light Cream is just hard to find. Light Cream seems to be the cream of choice in most recipes so looks like it will really be the Week of 3/6 & 3/6 for us.

Today’s cocktail is the Toasted Almond (or TA). Admittedly not a new one for me because I drank these extensively while in college. It’s a mixture of coffee liqueur, amaretto, and cream or milk (or sqrt(.25) & sqrt(.25)). We used Kahlua which is supposed to be the less famous coffee liqueur compared to Tia Maria. That is like saying that Justin Timberlake is the less famous member of  *NSync compared to Joey Fatone. I then learned that Tia Maria’s rise to fame occurred in the 80’s because Iman hawked it in TV ads. As the Tia Maria website explained, she’s sensual and exotic and also David Bowie’s wife.  

We stirred it but this looks cooler

At first I really enjoyed the TA because it took me back to all those nights spent at our local college bars when I was youthful and spry. And then I stopped enjoying it because it took me back to all those nights spent at our local college bars when I was youthful and spry. In my opinion, it’s a heavier, sweet, but very tasty drink. Definitely a chick drink as evidenced by Mr. Bottle’s 2 swigs before declaring he was done. Luckily for the TA, I’m rating it today.

I’m just sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see how Mr. Bottle enjoys his week of 0.5 & 0.5.

Overall Rating:

Taste: 5
Ease of Preparation: 5
Presentation: 4
Drinks until blackout: 8 - At only 15% alcohol it would take a lot.  Do not try if lactose intolerant.

Ingredients:

1.5 oz Coffee Liqueur
1 oz Amaretto
1.5 oz Half and Half