Drink 180: Bang Bang Bang on the Door, Baby

Mrs. Bottle is here on another non-Sunday to amaze and surprise you with today’s drink review. I was actually supposed to write this up for yesterday but I had to watch Breaking Bad and The Big C instead. I also had to sit and stare for hours in wonder at the amazing cuteness of our baby kittens, Little Lord Johnny Walker and Little Lady Crème de Cacao. And why are there no liquors with female names? It’s as if no women have ever created their own brand of tasty alcohol. If any of our nine readers know of any liquor products with female namesakes, please drop us a line so we may stimulate the economy more than we already have. Ed Note: Tia Maria?

Strat-o-fied
In metric for our European Friends

So today’s drink is the popular shooter, the B-52, made with coffee liqueur, Irish cream liqueur, and Mandarine Napoleon. We used Kahlua, Bailey’s and Grand Marnier, although Mr. Bottle wanted me to use Blue Curacao again. You may have picked up on the fact that he’s become obsessed with drinking blue beverages. However, this drink is layered so the color of the ingredients is actually an important feature. Unbelievably, the layering actually worked this time. However, we discovered that it’s difficult to share a taste test with a layered shot. Mr. Bottle suggested stirring it up but I couldn’t bear to destroy the integrity of my creation. So I took a big swig and tasted… orange. Mr. Bottle took a medium swig and tasted… Bailey’s. I took another tiny swig and tasted… some Bailey’s and some Kahula. Mr. Bottle took the final swig and tasted… mostly Kahlua and some Bailey’s. I think we were mostly satisfied with each part but we still don’t really know what this drink tastes like as designed. Probably good, but who knows.

For a bit of trivia, the B-52 is also referred to as the “Bifi” and according to Wikipedia (so you know it’s true), is named for the US B-52 Stratofortress long range bomber used in the Vietnam War. Apparently there’s also a flaming version which I believe is called the Flaming B-52. Clever. This probably makes more sense being named after a bomb. You know, because it’s incendiary. I also learned that Grand Marnier is hard to ignite unless warmed. There’s your useful info for today. It’s your job to figure out how to use it.

Overall Rating for the B-52

Taste: 4 – The average of 4,3,4,4 from our tasting

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 4 – 28% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur

0.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

0.5 oz Mandarine Napoleon

Drink 174: The Return of Buddy Love

Myspace Angle

Sound the horns, hit the lights, and then behold! Mrs. Bottle is back!! I know all eighteen of our readers have been on the edge of their seats wondering where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, or even if I’m alive or dead. I’ve been here, at the wondrous TBIAW estate. I’ve been reading a lot and watching True Blood and Happy Days reruns. And I’m still alive. Also, Mr. Bottle and I have been quite social for the past several Saturday nights resulting in no drink for me to critique. Sure, I could have written a blog on another day but I wanted to keep the mystery alive. And yes, this is a different day but Mr. Bottle didn’t feel like reviewing today’s beverage, ultimately forcing my return.

Speaking of today’s drink, it is a shooter called the Nutty Professor. And not the kind featuring Jerry Lewis. No, this is a shooter calling for equal parts of Mandarine Napoleon, Irish cream liqueur, and hazelnut liqueur. For our version, we used Grand Marnier, Bailey’s, and Frangelico. The drink smelled and tasted pretty nutty, possibly from the hazelnut liqueur. It was also pretty creamy with a hint of orange and I thought that overall it had a pleasant flavor. Mr. Bottle however was not a fan, possibly because of the cold feelings he has for Bailey’s. But since the drink was small and tasty, I didn’t mind finishing it off by myself.

In case you were wondering how big a hazelnut is in centimeters
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Now is the part of the blog where I teach you about the newly acquired item in our bar stock: Frangelico. Putting aside the ever annoying birth date request on the home page, this might possibly be the most informative alcohol website I’ve ever visited. You might be surprised to learn that Frangelico is made with hazelnuts. That was a doozy, but wait. It’s actually made with Tonda Gentile hazelnuts, which can only be found in the northern Piedmont hills of Italy. These are also found in Nutella so you know they’re the best. Some other fun facts: In case you are blind, the Frangelico bottle is shaped like a monk. In case you have tummy issues, Frangelico is gluten free. In case you are Jewish, Frangelico is kosher. And lastly, in case you get some and don’t use it, Frangelico has a shelf life of twenty years. Twenty years you say? With our history, this might just be the most perfect bottle for our bar.

Overall Rating for the Nutty Professor

 

Taste: 4 – Mr. Bottle might say less

Presentation: 3 – unless you are into milky beige

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 27% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Mandarine Napoleon

0.5 oz Hazelnut Liqueur

0.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

Day 67: Pinch by Pinch

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  This is my favorite day of the year.  It’s not because I will go out to some hokey Irish pub and drink until I can’t see straight.  That is something I can do any day of the year.  It is my favorite day because I will wear no green and seek large crowds in the hopes that I get pinched.  For many people getting pinched may be an unpleasant experience, but when you are as starved for human contact as I am, a pinch is better than isolation and unfulfilled desires.

I don't think that comes off as disturbing at all, but let’s move on.  We are finishing our run of Irish drinks with the Irish Flag, a shooter made from Irish cream liqueur, crème de menthe, and Mandarine Napoleon orange liqueur. The idea behind this drink is that you can layer the liqueurs and it will end up looking like the Irish flag:

Best Case
Scenario

The Irish Flag name is a little misleading since there is no way it could look like that. Instead, it would look like the Irish flag if you flipped it on its side and changed the color of the center stripe from white to brown (the actual color of Irish cream).  Our best-case scenario is something that looks like an Irish flag that is dirty and passed out after a night of drinking, so it still seems appropriate after all.   

We had a few things working against us in the Irish Flag.  The first is that it called for green crème de menthe.  Our crème de menthe is white.  It turns out that the only difference between the green and white crème de menthe is some green food coloring. Luckily we always keep our pantry stocked with green food coloring. If we didn’t, how could Mrs. Bottle make me green eggs and ham every Tuesday?

The second problem is that this recipe calls for a specific orange liqueur, Mandarine Napoleon, presumably because of its orange color.  We don’t have that particular liqueur so we substituted Patrón Citrónge orange liqueur and planned to use more food coloring to make it orange.  In retrospect, we probably should have chosen Grand Marnier, which is already orange-colored.

The laws of physics were the only other things in our way. Historically we have had a distinct lack of success with cocktail floats. We recently bucked that trend, though, so we had some hope of success.   Mrs. Bottle poured our “green” crème de menthe into the glass.  So far so good.  It floated on the glass no problem. She then added the Baileys and it floated, too!  A little green seeped through much like the bubbling crude of one Mr. Jed Clampett, but it wasn’t enough to cause any major concerns.

Gulf of Mexico Tea

Irish Flag?

 Then came the moment of truth.  Would our Patrón substitute for the Mandarine Napoleon as seamlessly as Replacement Becky filled in for Original Becky?  Would it float on the Baileys and create a sort-of version of the flag of Ireland?  In a word, “no.”  Mrs. Bottle’s pouring technique was flawless, but the laws of physics defeated us again.  The orange liqueur immediately started sinking through the Baileys.  Eventually it sank completely below the Baileys and formed a layer between it and the crème de menthe, representing the flag of nowhere.

Although we were not shocked by this development we were saddened.  We hoped that the drink would cheer us up, but suspected that orange, mint, and Baileys were probably picked more for their aesthetics than their complementary flavors.   It turned out that our concerns were baseless, though, because once again the Baileys overwhelmed the other flavors. We couldn’t taste any mint or orange. It tasted like Baileys with a faint burning in our mouths.  The burning was probably because the Irish Flag is almost 30% alcohol.  A couple of these and you won’t notice or even care that the colors are in the wrong order.



When we make the Libya Flag we will get it right

Overall Rating for the Irish Flag

Taste: 3

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 4

Ingredients

1 oz Irish Cream Liqueur

1 oz Crème de Menthe

1 oz Mandarine Napoleon

Day 44: French, French for Fantasy

This drink was actually
much uglier than it looks here

It’s me, Mrs. Bottle, here to discuss today’s drink, the French Fantasy. During these past 40+ days of trying new drinks, I’ve discovered that I tend to associate drinks with songs. For instance, right now all I’m doing is singing Billy Idol’s “Flesh for Fantasy” in my head (I refuse to torture Mr. Bottle with my actual singing). It has nothing to do with this drink because it wasn’t flesh colored and it wasn’t my fantasy to drink. But unfortunately it’s still stuck on the repeat function playing in my head.

The French Fantasy gets its name from all the French ingredients: black raspberry liqueur (Chambord), orange liqueur (Mandarine Napoleon), orange juice, and cranberry juice. Granted, the last two aren’t necessarily French, but maybe the French fantasize about drinking orange and cranberry juices. Possibly because they’re low on vitamin C and the women need help preventing kidney stones? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that while we didn’t have a French black raspberry liqueur, we substituted Grand Marnier for the Mandarine Napoleon . Since Grand Marnier is French, I’m thinking an alternate drink name might be the Frenglish Fantasy. Rolls right off the tongue.  

Before this drink, we had never heard of Mandarine Napoleon so I decided it would be a good idea to see what this liqueur is all about. I have to say that after reviewing the website, I feel smarter than ever. I recommend that if you have children struggling with their world history, this might help them understand Napoleon Bonaparte, specifically how he grew to power and his relationship with mandarin oranges. Interestingly, the liqueur that is also called “The Emperor of the Night” (I think only by the people who make it), is actually produced in Brussels. Which you may know (after consulting a world map) is not in France. So do the French fantasize that Napoleon had actually conquered Brussels and that it was part of France? Or do they just fantasize about being in Brussels because it’s just that much better than France?

Also not really from France

None of that really matters because it’s all about the drink. To be blunt, it was an ugly drink. The color was bad. It was similar to Sex on the Beach, which also used black raspberry liqueur. So I think we have our culprit. But I didn’t think it tasted bad. It was fruity from all the juices but I felt like the raspberry dominated. Mr. Bottle did not care for it at all but we both had already consumed a few libations earlier in the evening so I think that might have affected us a little. Maybe we would have liked it better if we’d actually used The Emperor of the Night.

Overall Rating for the French Fantasy

Taste: 3
Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4 – would have been a 5 without the garnish – the prettiest part of the drink
Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 16% alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur
1 oz Mandarine Napoleon
2 oz Cranberry Juice
2 oz Orange Juice