Drink 191: I Did Not Dealt It



At least it was free.



I can smell your fart.  Fast Five is playing on the tiny screen in front of me and I can smell your fart.  I was beginning to doze off to the dulcet tones of Vin Diesel delivering lines as he tears towards a cliff in his 1966 Corvette Grand Sport but thanks to your malodorous cloud I am still awake. We are somewhere over the North Atlantic and I am in the type of haze caused by two free beers and an Advil PM. It is either 3:30 AM or 9:30 PM depending on whether you have adjusted your watch yet.   And you farted.  And I smelt it.





View of Paris? from the window.
Might have missed this
 without the fart



What the hell is wrong with you?  Are you lazy or vindictive?  I already know the answer: “Yes.” There is a bathroom no more than 10 feet from your seat unless you managed to throw your fart from the back of the cabin.  Go down the stairs and fart up a storm.  Please. On this plane the bathrooms are even downstairs so you can rip away without detection.  Instead, you decided to release your intestinal gas right in your seat and now I, along with the rest of the passengers in the vicinity, am breathing your micropoopballs.  Gross.   Luckily for Mrs. Bottle she slept through it.  Actually, there are times in the middle of the night when I’m glad she has that ability.



On the bright side I will now get to see more of Paul Walker and The Rock Dwayne Johnson driving fast and blowing crap up.  That really translates well on a 320x240 screen with headphones with one ear intermittently cutting out.  All the while smelling your fart.  Did you eat a cabbage and broccoli salad before the flight?  Next time, please try some of these tips.  I recommend asking the flight attendant to move you to an empty corner of the plane.  That should also enhance you chances of getting a date with her later.  They love honesty.

Yep, that's what happened.



Not purple.



Since we are discussing honesty I feel obligated to let you know that today’s drink the Purple Pancho has a misleading name.  It is not purple at all.  It is kind of teal which is pretty far from purple unless you are talking about proximity on the Charlotte Hornets’ uniforms.  The drink is a combination of tequila, blue Curaçao, sloe gin, lime juice, simple syrup, and lemon juice.  Once you get over the confusion about the name, the taste is pretty good.  It is essentially a slightly sweeter Margarita.  I couldn’t really detect the sloe gin other than a slight prune-y  bouquet which would have been extremely welcome on my flight.  Mrs. Bottle found the drink a little too sweet but I had no problem with it other than the name.  I am going to rename it the Teal-a Tequila though.

Overall Rating for the Purple Pancho

Taste: 4

Presentation: 0

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Tequila

0.5 oz Blue Curaçao

0.5 oz Sloe Gin

2 oz Lime Juice

1 oz Lemon Juice

1 oz Simple Syrup

Drink 179: Do Youngsters Understand the Phrase "Mailing It In"?

Normally it takes me about an hour to write a TBIAW entry.  That includes the photograph, research (those Google searches don’t run by themselves), proofreeding, and about 20-45 minutes of checking Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, Renren, Myspace, Orkut, Badoo, Cougarlife, and Frühstückstreff.  Tonight I am in a bit of a hurry so I am going to try to keep it quick, which isn’t a problem for me.

No time for a caption

Our drink is the Blue Maragarita and it is composed of tequila, blue Curaçao and lime juice.   I was excited because Mrs. Bottle let us use the blue Curaçao instead of sending us on a Wumpus hunt like she did for our previous drink. It is a good thing, too, because the blue Curaçao is the only difference between this drink and the regular Margarita, which we have already reviewed.  Since we have already reviewed it, there isn’t much point in talking about this one.  It is left as an exercise for the reader to figure why this one gets a five while the other one only got a four even though they tasted the same.

Overall Rating for the Blue Margarita

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4 – Needed a garnish

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Had to salt a rim

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 24% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

0.5 oz blue Curaçao

1 oz Lime Juice

Drink 163: Mock It To Me

Am I a clown to you?

Today we have the Tequila Mockingbird, a mix of tequila, green crème de menthe, and lime juice.  We already knew that mint and lime complement each other but were still nervous about mixing it with tequila.  I almost suggested to Mrs. Bottle that we use some cheap tequila so we didn’t waste the good stuff but we decided to forge ahead giving the drink its best chance of success.  It turned out that the Tequila Mockingbird was delicious and nothing went to waste.  As usual, the mint and lime were delicious and refreshing together and the drink packs a bit of a punch, too.

I’m not sure why it is called the Tequila Mockingbird but I don’t usually let lack of actual knowledge keep me from commenting.  A mockingbird mimics the sounds of other birds so it is safe to assume that this drink must mimic another drink.  While it looks a lot like the Jade that drink isn’t well known enough to be mimicked and/or mocked.  That would be the equivalent of TBIAW mocking a blog that is less well known.  Something like the concisely named “Addiction help life coach Ontario, Success life coaching - Certified Life Transformation Coach” blog. It just wouldn’t be right.  Since we’ve ruled out the Jade, I think I’m going to go with the Mojito instead.  The artificially colored mint liqueur is clearly mocking the Mojito’s fresh mint and the absence of club soda is an obvious slap in the face.

Another thing that probably deserves mocking is what we ate for dinner last night, DiGiorno Pizza and Wyngz.  We can be mocked for eating junk food and Wyngz can be mocked for being Wyngz. In turn, Wyngz are mocking real chicken wings with both their content and zpelling.  I was going to mock Wyngz with a scathing send-up but I learned that Stephen Colbert already discussed them on his show.  Some people find him funny, so instead of wasting any more of my time with this sub-par blog post I will just share what he did:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Thought for Food - Wyngz & Wal-Mart
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Overall Rating for the Tequila Mockingbird

 

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackouts: 6 – 20% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

.75 oz Green Crème de Menthe

1 oz Lime Juice

Drink 149: Oil of Ole

Today we have the Tequila Matador, a mix of tequila, pineapple juice, and lime juice.  We used our trusty Tres Generaciones Plata tequila which almost always leads to a good drink, and this was no exception. Lime and tequila is always a great combination and adding in some pineapple juice was a nice touch adding enough (but not too much) sweetness. This drink was delicious and it was an easy decision to give it a five even in light of our recent hard line approach to high grades.

This was a little plain
so we added a
Chris Berman bobblehead

The drink was good enough that I could have it frequently, but I probably wouldn’t drink it every day.  That’s because I like some variety in my diet.  Not everyone feels the same. We saw a show on TLC last night called Freaky Eaters where they highlight people with strange eating habits.  The episode we watched featured a guy who only eats French fries. Side note: He blogs about his French fries.  Who wants to read a blog about what some dude is eating?  So narcissistic.

Anyway, it turns out that he doesn’t eat only French fries, he has them once or twice a day. What’s so freaky about that?  I’m pretty sure that in the summer of 1990 I ate a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal every day for three months and no one did a TV show about me.  I guess no one would want to watch someone eat McDonald’s every day. Plus in 1990, TLC hadn’t yet figured out that airing shows about cakes and weirdoes was the key to high ratings.  At that point, their highest rated show was about boat safety.  Riveting!

As far as I know, did not
base Super Size Me on my
summer of 1990
img: David Shankbone 

Don’t worry about the French fry guy, though, as the show reached a happy conclusion.  The two doctors held a pizza party at a skate park for the French fry guy.  Now seems like a good time to mention he is 29, married, and has three kids. At the party he ate some pizza, which he normally finds disgusting.  When he tried the pizza his mother said it was the happiest day of her life.  She better check with this guy’s mom before she gets too excited.

Overall Rating for the Tequila Matador

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4 – Hard to argue with a champagne flute

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 12% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Tequila

3 oz Pineapple Juice

0.5 oz Lime Juice

Drink 135: Stay Gold, Ponyboy

There is a scene in The Outsiders where Ponyboy is hanging out at the playground and gets into an insult contest with some Socs.  Bob the Soc says, “You guys know what Greasers are? White trash with long, greasy hair.”  Then Ponyboy retorts,  “You know what a Soc is? White trash with Mustangs and matches.”   When I first saw that scene I had some concerns.  The first was that those guys need to work on their insults if they want to intimidate people.  The related second concern was that I didn’t understand what was the big deal about having matches. Were the Greasers anti-smoking? Did they rock Zippo lighters?  Maybe saying someone had matches was a real burn in 1965.  Matches = burn. Get it?  I slay me.

Mustang Owner
img: Ralph Lauren

It wasn’t until much later that I found out that I had the quote all wrong.  What Ponyboy really said was “Mustangs and madras.”  Oooooh!  That makes a lot more sense than matches.  It still isn’t much of an insult though.   I would think the Socs would take it as a complement.  “Why yes, isn’t this plaid jacket the bee’s knees?” Although these days a Soc wouldn’t be caught dead in a Mustang and would surely have his collar flipped up.

Mexican Matches

I don’t personally own any madras, but I have tried the Mexican Madras, a mixture of tequila, cranberry juice, orange juice, and lime juice.  I can only guess it is called a Mexican Madras because the orange, red, and green fruits evoke the colorful plaid madras fabric.  It has “Mexican” in the name because almost any drink with tequila gets called “Mexican”.  It is a clear case of liquor profiling.  Anyway, the drink was a little sweet, but very tasty.  The proportions of each ingredient were such that you could taste each one individually, but none overwhelmed.  All in all, it certainly would be something Socs and Greasers would agree is delicious, just like Cherry Valance.

Overall Rating for the Mexican Madras

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 11 –  9% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Gold Tequila

3 oz Cranberry Juice

0.5 oz Orange Juice

Dash Lime Juice

Drink 128: Hot Enough For You?

Hot hot hot

We have been in a bit of a heat wave lately. Yesterday the mercury peaked at about 137^o. In an effort to stay cool, Mrs. Bottle thought it would be a good idea to have a drink made with hot coffee so she chose the Mexican Coffee for our latest drink.  Our coffee maker heats the coffee to 192^o so her plan did not work (because of science). It would have worked today, though, when the temperature peaked at 712^o.

In addition to coffee, the Mexican Coffee contains coffee liqueur and tequila.  This is not to be confused with the Mexitaly Coffee which has coffee, coffee liqueur, and amaretto.  By coffee liqueur, the book probably intended for us to have some weak stuff like Kahlua or Tia Maria.  Since we are out of Kahlua (how could Mrs. Bottle let that happen?), we used Patrón XO Cafe liqueur.  The Patrón is 70 proof instead of 53 proof like Kahlua.  It still only makes the drink 8% alcohol, though, so it wasn’t a huge difference in overall potency.

The Patrón did affect the flavor, though.  It is not nearly as sweet as Kahlua, so the drink was a little bitter. Side note: the XO Café is really very tasty on its own.  Their web site says it would also make a good dessert topping, so you might want to try some on your cake the next time you are at some kid’s birthday party.  It will make the time pass faster.

Also good like this
img: yelp.com

We also used gold tequila instead of our traditional silver which added a bit more bite than it would have otherwise had.  This and the Patrón combined to make the drink a little less tasty than it had the potential to be.  I think with some silver tequila, some sweeter liqueur, and day where the temperature was somewhere south of 50 degrees, this would be a real winner.

Overall Rating for the Mexican Coffee

Taste: 3 – Has the potential for a 4 or 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 11 – 8% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Coffee Liqueur

5 oz Hot Coffee

Drink 121: Drink Named Like a Lady

This looked a bit greener than the
picture shows. Mrs. Bottle thought
it looked like pea soup.

Let me get the boring drink review out of the way first. Once that’s over with we can talk about something funny, cool, and/or interesting.  The drink is the Shady Lady, a combination of tequila, melon liqueur, and grapefruit juice.  It was just kind of so-so, with a bit of an odd taste.  It could be that melon liqueur doesn’t really complement grapefruit juice.  Or it could be that months-old Donald Duck brand grapefruit juice is not the best.  Whatever the reason, it didn’t taste like something I would want to drink again and it was a relief to finish it.  It is also a relief that we are done with that section of today’s post and we can now continue with something more engaging.

Overall Rating for the Shady Lady

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Two garnishes?  That is a one point deduction

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 –  11% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Tequila

1 oz Melon Liqueur

4 oz Grapefruit Juice

Drink 120: Bulls on Parade

Are you like me? Do you think bullfighting is a noble sport of gallantry and art?  Do you think that the bulls are asking for it?  Do you like the way the toreador’s butt looks in his bedazzled pantaloons?  If you answered “yes” to either of the first two questions then you are not like me.  I think bullfighting is an anachronistic remnant of the past that should be forgotten, sort of like MTV. 

Do these pants make my butt look gored?
Img: totalprosports.com

I don’t like to see people get hurt, but I do think that the only good thing about bullfighting is when the bull wins.  In case you are wondering about that fellow with a bull’s horn in his butt, he wasn’t seriously hurt.  I suppose that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure the bull would agree.

Mrs. Bottle is now a pro at lemon twists

Another bull that might leave you feeling bad is the Brave Bull, but not because of its taste.  The coffee liqueur and tequila combined to make a refreshing drink.  I could see myself having a few of these.  The problem is that it comes in at just under 35% alcohol.  This makes the Brave Bull is one of the strongest drinks we’ve tried so far.  Drink too many and you might feel like you’ve been gored.   Your butt probably wouldn’t be as sore, though.  Probably.

Overall Rating for the Brave Bull

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4 – Twist of lemon held it to a 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 3– 35% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Coffee liqueur

Drink 113: Frankie Say

I read an article today about the hot new trend in beverages, relaxation drinks. These drinks are the yin to energy drinks’ yang. They have names like iChill and Dream Water and usually contain some herbs or other supplements that supposedly have calming or sleep-inducing effects. The CEO of one of the companies says these drinks are "a positive alternative to reaching for a bottle of pills or a six-pack of beer." We here at TBIAW tend to get defensive when people take pot-shots at alcohol. Our position on bottles of pills is still under consideration.

The orange may
be a tad large

The beverage the aforementioned CEO’s company makes is called “Drank”. According to their web site, Drank contains valerian root, rose hips, and melatonin. They also helpfully provide links with more information about each of those ingredients. The melatonin link states that “melatonin products are not approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Since melatonin products are not regulated by a government agency, their purity, safety and effectiveness can't be guaranteed.” Wait, what?

Next up is valerian root. Apparently valerian root helps those who suffer from “anxiety; restlessness; insomnia; mental strain; lack of concentration; excitability; stress; chronic headaches or migraines; nervous stomach cramps; bladder control issues; chronic pain, menopause; and the discomfort, and emotional distress which may occur with menstruation.” Holy crap, that sounds great. I definitely get stressed when I am menstruating and would love some help with that. I was hoping to learn more about valerian root at the link that Drank provided, but there isn’t anything on that page that even mentions it. I’m too lazy to click all the links on that page and search for info.


Finally, it contains rose hips. The Drank link goes to BodyBuilding.com, my first choice in medical advice. According to BodyBuilding.com, rose hip has no known side effects. Using AOL, I heard about another site called WebMD. WebMD says “Rose hip can cause some side effects such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, heartburn, stomach cramps, fatigue, headache, inability to sleep, and others. Inhaling rose hip dust can cause an allergic reaction in some people.” I have heard both sides and am not sure which to believe. I will wait to see what side of the issue Donald Trump takes and then I will choose. The opposite.

Also wants to know "is it safe"

Even though in 2010 the FDA sent a letter to the manufacturer of Drank that said melatonin is an "unapproved food additive" and not "generally recognized as safe” it is not my place to judge. After all, I am not a doctor. For all I know the stuff works great and is perfectly safe. Plus, you will undoubtedly look like a badass walking around with your purple Drank can. And then you will sleep like a baby.

Here at TBIAW, we have our own drink we use to relax and it is called the Gentle Ben. You know it will be relaxing. After all, it has “Gentle” right in the name so it is already sending a soothing message. It also has vodka, tequila, and gin, all of which contain alcohol. Alcohol is known to cause relaxation when consumed in moderate quantities. After drinking it, I can confirm that I was pretty relaxed after one of these. After two I might be pretty sleepy. As far as taste, it was pretty strong even though it had orange juice to balance the alcohol. Mrs. Bottle thought it tasted just like a really strong Screwdriver. At first I agreed with her, but after a few sips I could definitely taste both the gin and the tequila. If you decide to make this drink, I would recommend using quality liquors since they provide the majority of the flavor. Just don’t drank too much of it.

Overall Rating for the Gentle Ben

Taste: 4

Presentation: 4 – Saved by the garnishes

Ease of Preparation: 3 – Done in by the garnishes

Drinks Until Blackout: 6– 20% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Gin

1 oz Tequila

1 oz Vodka

Orange Juice

Drink 102: It Ain't No Honey Badger

Look how Wild!

Today we have the Wild Thing, a mix of tequila, cranberry juice, club soda, and lime juice.  I’m not sure why this drink is called the Wild Thing.  I checked in the official TBIAW drink naming guidelines and they clearly state that in order for a drink to qualify as “wild” it must meet one or more of the following conditions:

A) The drink must contain a brazllion ingredients

2) The drink must have at least one crazy ingredient such as ayahuasca

C) The drink must incorporate a butt-load of alcohol

Sadly, the Wild Thing fails on all counts.  It has four ingredients.  That is well short of a brazillion. The four ingredients are about as wild as a tiny kitten.  Ooooh, club soda, how exotic!  Finally, 1.5 ounces clearly could not load any but the smallest of butts.

This is a Wild Thing

On the bright side the drink was very good.   It was on the verge of being too tart, but it went just to the edge and then pulled back.  It was also the first drink we had with club soda that rated higher than a 3.  This is probably due to the fact that there was only an ounce.  That was really just enough to provide a nice fizz.  I was going to rate it a four but Mrs. Bottle declared, “I would give that a five!”  Since she can be something wild when I don’t do what she says, a five it is.

Overall Rating for the Wild Thing

 

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4 – A lime wheel away from a 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 15% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Cranberry Juice

1 oz Club Soda

0.5 oz Lime Juice

Drink 88: eeZ Like Sunday Morning

Served in a martini glass
instead of a punch bowl

You may have heard of our next drink, the Margarita.  You may have even had one. If you’ve only had them in restaurants or out of a bucket, though, you probably haven’t had a traditional Margarita, which is made from tequila, triple sec, and lime juice.  The traditional Margarita is not nearly as sweet as your typical restaurant version, which usually has some sour mix (actually sweet!) or other sweetener.

There are a couple of reasons for this.  One is that a super-sweet margarita can be made with any tequila, no matter how terrible it might be. The second is that people love sugar.  If you believe in “evolution” you might even argue that sugar craving is a trait developed over tens of thousands of years of natural selection.  Of course if you don’t believe in evolution, you know that God wants us to eat sugar by design and a grande Margarita from On the Border fits the bill.  I am not saying which view is correct, I just teach the controversy.

We really enjoyed the traditional Margarita.  It was definitely tart, but the triple sec added a little bit of sweetness.  The overall effect was a refreshing drink that won’t leave your throat coated in a mucous-y film.  Mrs. Bottle and I are not opposed to the restaurant version of a Margarita, though.  Case-in-point, we had a meet-and-greet with some of our fans this past Friday at a local establishment called eeZ Fusion & Sushi.  Between addressing the fan concerns about blog frequency and answering some behind-the-scenes questions, Mrs. Bottle had their version of a Margarita called the Margatini.  The Margatini added both sour mix (actually sweet!) and orange juice to the mix.  She thought it was good, but she did comment at the time that it was a bit too sweet.  Take that, natural selection!

Also ambiguous

One could argue that ordering a Margarita at a Japanese restaurant might not be the most successful strategy, but we didn’t have time for such in-depth analysis at the time.  It was much more important for us to figure out how to pronounce “eeZ”.  Why would you name your restaurant something so ambiguous? Is it “ease” or “easy”?  This is the type of thing that bothers me, and I am the kind of person who is so eeZ going that I rarely get bothered.  I was leaning towards “easy” because of the capital Z, but our dining companions pronounced it “ease”.  Since they go to eeZ enough to actually have a strategy to maximize their portions by utilizing bowl geometry and a carrot, I have changed my mind and now I’m going with “ease”.

It’s as eeZ as that.

Overall Rating for Margarita

Taste: 4

Presentation: 4 – No lime wedge?

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 24% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

0.5 oz Triple Sec

1 oz Lime Juice

Drink 87: Bamba Bottle, Bamba Bottle



You dropped La Bomba on me, baby

Mrs. Bottle here to share my thoughts about our latest drink. First, I will only be discussing a single drink as opposed to the last blog which covered 324 minus 321 drinks. We received some feedback that more than one drink is just too much for anyone to process and I think Mr. Bottle and I have to agree. We may be going back to blogging every day but some entries might not be so lengthy. Although we’ll see if Mr. Bottle can hold himself back because I have my doubts. I, however, will continue to create the same amount of prose as usual so here we go.

Today’s drink is the La Bomba. I hope all nine of our readers are now singing the song like I’ve been doing for days now. Because I don’t speak Spanish, I go around mumbling nonsense and then burst out with “La Bamba” at 100 decibels. I think Mr. Bottle will be very happy when this works its way out of my system, but I’ve got music in my soul that just can’t be suppressed. Anyway, the La Bomba is made with gold tequila, triple sec, pineapple and orange juices, and two splashes of grenadine (or a large pour because I can’t do dashes from a big bottle). The drink was good but a little sweet. It called for a sugar rimmed glass and that, coupled with the juices meant that I could barely taste the tequila. Luckily Mr. Bottle was around to drink most of it so I could get back to my wine.

So, some of you quick folks out there may have noticed the spelling difference between the drink name and the song name. The internet taught me that La Bamba has no direct translation to English (even Babel Fish couldn’t help). Apparently in English, it means “bamba”. While that was super helpful, I continued searching and discovered that la bomba actually translates into something that I can get behind: the pump. I don’t know what kind of pump but I was just glad it wasn’t “bomba”. What was really annoying was when I first searched Google for the translation of la bomba (“la bomba Spanish to English translation” was my exact search), every result on the first page was a link to the lyrics of La Bamba. My takeaway? Either the maker of this drink was confused about the spelling of the song or Google is stupid. Doesn’t matter to me because I’m just going to keep singing: Yo no soy marinero, yo no soy marinero, soy capitan, soy capitan, soy capitan.

Don't bring this on a plane
Image from bomba.at which has
naked people on the home page

Overall Rating for the La Bomba

Taste: 4 - Too sweet for a 5
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 3 - A sugar rim on a giant glass is annoying
Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 14% Alcohol

Ingredients

1¼ oz Gold Tequila
¾ oz Triple Sec
1½ oz Orange Juice
1½ oz Pineapple Juice
2 dashes Grenadine

Drinks 84, 85, 86: One of These Drinks Is Not Like the Others

We’re finally back and I promise this post will be worth the wait.  As long as your expectations are very low.  I’m not joking about that.  I think that having a couple of days with no posts has destroyed my rhythm. One of the reasons we decided to post a little less frequently was that it was getting hard to keep up with the daily posts, but in some ways it seems harder now.

We used an olive pick
for the cherry in the Carrol Cocktail,
Classed it up don't you think?

We are still trying to figure out the best way to structure the blog on the new non-daily basis.  Our initial thought was to keep having a drink per day and then bombard you with multiple reviews in a single post.  This way we can still work through the Mr. Boston guide and finish sometime in 2015.  As long as the world doesn’t end before then.  I know some may have thought the world may have ended on April 4 when there wasn’t a new post but the sun still came up.

It turns out that I’m not sure the multi-drink format is going to work, but here it is nonetheless.  We did think it might be fun for the drinks to be related in some way, so today we bring you the Bikini, the Hot Pants, and the Carrol Cocktail.  I’m sure that I don’t need to tell you what the mini theme is: Sexy Clothes.  And Carrol. It turns out we didn’t come up with that idea until after we had already had the Carrol Cocktail.  This idea really hasn’t been properly thought through.

Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny
Milky Sour Lemon Bikini

The Carrol Cocktail is a simple mix of brandy and sweet vermouth.   It mostly tasted like brandy which just a hint of funny-tasting vermouth. At least that’s what I think it tasted like, since we had it almost a week ago and I barely remember it.  Next time I should probably make a note or something. 

Next up is the Bikini, which has vodka, rum, milk, lemon juice, and sugar.  This one had a nice lemon flavor but it was just a hair too tart.  I was going to make a joke about hair and bikinis here, but that would be in poor taste.  Strangely, the drink had sugar in it instead of simple syrup.  Simple syrup probably would have been a little better since it would have mixed in more easily. The vodka and rum combined to provide a noticeable alcohol burn, but it conveniently had some milk to coat your resultant ulcer.

Remember what it was like before you tasted
the Hot Pants? You will wish you did

Finally we have the Hot Pants, a surprising combination of tequila, peppermint schnapps, grapefruit juice, and sugar.  In the 70’s Southwest Airlines had a commercial that said “Remember what it was like before Southwest Airlines? You didn't have hostesses in hot pants. Remember?“  I don’t remember that, but I do remember that before Southwest Airlines I didn’t have airplanes with sunroofs. Getting sucked out of a plane hole might be the preferable alternative to drinking a Hot Pants, though. I never would have guessed that tequila, peppermint, and grapefruit juice would not complement each other. 

Overall Rating for Carrol Cocktail

Taste: 3

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 4 – 32% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Brandy

0.75 oz Sweet Vermouth

           

Overall Rating for the Bikini

Taste: 3

Presentation: 2 – Doesn’t look like something I want to drink

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 26% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Vodka

1 oz Light Rum

0.5 oz Milk

1 oz Lemon Juice

1 tsp Sugar

Overall Rating for Hot Pants

Taste: 2

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 25% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps

1 tbsp Grapefruit Juice

1 tsp Sugar