Drink 200: Mr. and Mrs. Mix a Lot

I hate looking like a jackass.  Which is unfortunate considering the frequency with which I look like one.  I am also kind of a cheapskate.  These two traits are in a constant struggle for superiority each morning when I view my daily emails from Groupon, LivingSocial, AmazonLocal, DealSaver, Vactionist, and Google Offers.  On the one hand am saving money when I take advantage of an offer.  On the other hand I look like a jackass when I hand the cashier my creased piece of paper to save $7 on $14 worth of food and drinks (alcohol excluded). 

Sometimes Mrs. Bottle and I will take advantage of one of these offers to try something new.   It could be a restaurant we wouldn’t normally try or some activity we haven’t done before.  We have an upcoming zip line adventure and we have recently taken an archery lesson and had a Segway tour of our fair city (which really pushed the “don’t look like a jackass” threshold).  These skills will come in handy once the zombie apocalypse finally arrives as I ride at up to 12 MPH and pick off zombies with my bow and arrow.  Just like Katniss Everdeen.

Artist Concept

We recently received an offer that allowed us to try something new, save money (presumably), not look like a jackass (since it was online only), and do one of our other favorite things: drink.  It was for a molecular gastronomy cocktail kit from a company called MOLECULE-R (emphasis theirs).  In case you are unfamiliar with molecular gastronomy, it is when you take food that is somewhat natural and add chemicals to it so it becomes something unnatural.   Think of it like making a Dorito into a taco shell, only with different chemicals.

Our kit recently arrived and we decided to try it out.  The first step was to pick out a drink.  Unfortunately the kit didn’t come with a recipe book.  Instead it came with a DVD.  In case you are unfamiliar with DVDs, they are plastic discs that contain video recordings.  People used to use them to watch movies before FSM invented streaming.  We dusted off our DVD player and perused the choices.  That is, after we watched the mandatory 30 second musical introduction with no option to bypass.

It turns out that many of these recipes require either a lot of time, pre-planning, culinary whippers, or liquid nitrogen.   Since we didn’t have any of those items, we went with something simple, emulsification.  They have several drinks that featured emulsification but we only had ingredients on hand for two: the kamikaze and the margarita.  We have already featured a kamikaze in the blog, but our last two entries were both for margaritas we decided to go with the kamikaze.

Chemistry is messy business

The molecular gastronomy piece of this drink was lime foam. That meant adding soy lecithin to some water and lime juice and whipping it until it became foam. That was the theory, anyway.  Mrs. Bottle whipped the hell out of that stuff but it never really foamed up as much as it did on the DVD. I don’t know if the mix was a little off or if it was something else.  It is possibly related to the fact that chemistry was the only science class I didn’t like.  Too much memorization for my taste.  But I digress.

We were able to salvage a little foam from the top of the bowl and add it to our drink, though.  The rest of the drink is just vodka and orange liqueur.  Mrs. Bottle pretty much hated it.  It is all alcohol and we didn’t chill any of it so she found it kind of warm and gross. I sipped mine making sure to get some foam in each taste and thought it was decent.  If it had been cold it might have actually been pretty good.

Probably should take a lint roller to the backdrop, eh?

We remain undeterred, though.  As soon as my bottle of liquid nitrogen arrives, we will be trying again.

Overall Rating for Kamikaze

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 2 - From whipping fatigue

Ingredients

Vodka

Triple Sec

Lime Juice

Water

Soy Lecithin

Drink 197: What's Good for the Gosling

I’m back! Yes, it’s Mrs. Bottle here to share a story about the drink Mr. Bottle and I recently discovered. In honor of Chocolate Mint Day this past Sunday, we tried the Chocolate Mint Martini. We strayed from Mr. Boston and found this drink in another bar book I picked up during the Borders (RIP) liquidation sale. I think it was cheaper on Amazon but I was caught up in the frenzied moment of the sanctioned looting of a store.

Instagram classes things up, don't ya think?

The Chocolate Mint Martini has Vodka, Crème de Cacao, and Crème de Menthe. The recipe was unclear on whether the Crème de Cacao should be the clear or brown so I chose brown. It is a little richer in flavor and earthier in color (thank you Top Chef). Also recipes mostly seem to call for the clear version so I wanted to use up more of the brown stuff. It was quite mint-y, refreshing and very tasty.

Which leads me to another observation. It’s been a Ryan Gosling film fest at TBIAW estate over the past couple weekends. First we watched Drive. Then we caught a bit of Lars and the Real Girl (which we had previously viewed). Next came The Ides of March. Then Crazy Stupid Love. Well, we saw this in the theater (a real rarity for us) but we really want to watch it again so I’m counting it. And finally Blue Valentine. Technically we haven’t watched this yet because it’s supposed to be a real downer but it’s been on our DVR for about two months so I’m counting it as well. So what’s my observation you may ask? That Mr. Gosling is also quite mint-y, refreshing and very tasty. Now I have to go because Mr. Bottle is asking if we can start watching The Notebook.



Mrs. Bottle is thinking of starting

a new blog called

"The Gosling is a Wonderland"

By AlBBie905 (Own work)

 [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)



Overall Rating for the Chocolate Mint Martini

 

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 34% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

0.75 oz Crème de Cacao

0.75 oz Crème de Menthe

Drink 188: Is This Post Beeper Friendly?



Brown Russian



Mrs. Bottle here and I’d like to…I’d like to say something…something I prepared. This morning… Hello, how about that click to get here? I guess that’s why they call it the World Wide Web (hahaha).

You guys may not know this, but I consider myself…a bit of a drinker. I tend to think of myself as a one woman six pack. But when I met Vodka, I knew it was one of my own. And my six pack, it grew by one. So were two…so there were two of us in the six pack. I…I was alone first in the pack, and then Vodka joined in later.

And last night, when Vodka introduced me to equal amounts of Kahlua and Cream, I thought…wait a second, could it be. And now I know for sure, I just added two more ingredients to my six pack. Four of us drink parts running around TBIAW estate together, in TBIAW resident city, looking for a shaker and ice. So tonight, we make a toast!

This is what Mrs. Bottle is wearing right now
img

You may have guessed it, but today’s drink is the Cappuccino Cocktail. It is made with coffee-flavored brandy, vodka, and light cream. And yes, this drink is basically a White Russian all dressed up in a pretty cocktail glass. So it was like a win-win-win for me. The  White Russian is one of my favorite drinks, I got to use up more of the cream, and it tasted just like a slightly stronger White Russian. Can’t go wrong with that. Even Mr. Bottle agrees.

Overall Rating for the Cappuccino Cocktail

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 22% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.75 oz Vodka

0.75 oz Coffee-flavored Brandy

0.75 oz Light Cream

Drink 184: Uh Oh, It's Magic

Today’s drink is the Black Magic and Mrs. Bottle is here to report on its wonders. It’s made with vodka, coffee liqueur and a dash of lemon juice. It’s almost identical to the Brave Bull we’ve already reviewed, except the Black Magic called for vodka instead of tequila. And that lemon juice is new too. It was a pretty tasty beverage and Mr. Bottle and I essentially chugged the thing. The only complaint I have is that the “dash” of lemon juice seems pointless because you can’t really taste it. Here’s the official definition (according to http://www.epicurious.com/): “a very small amount of seasoning added to food with a quick, downward stroke of the hand, such as "a dash of Tabasco." In general, a dash can be considered to be somewhere between 1/16 and a scant 1/8 teaspoon.” Now that I know exactly what a dash amounts to, I think I probably added two dashes of lemon juice. And I still didn’t taste the lemon. Pointless has definitely been proven.

I know you're gettin' twisted
and you can't come down


So you may have noticed that this is our first post in almost a week. That’s because I was working very late last week so I didn’t really feel like making a drink for the blog. Your next thought may be something along the lines of “Wow- they went a whole week without a drink? That must have been hard for them.” Just to set the record straight, I didn’t say I didn’t feel like having a drink. Sure, we could rhapsodize about the wondrous notes of our favorite blended red or the significant watery flavor in our normal low calorie beer. But nobody wants to read about me and Mr. Bottle drinking wine or beer all week.

You may also have thought to yourself, “I didn’t know Mrs. Bottle had to work so hard.” Neither did Mrs. Bottle. I’m definitely going to explore a future career as a wine pourer in some Napa winery. I’m really great at pouring the same amount of wine in identical wine glasses. It’s like I’m some sort of pouring genius. I know this is definitely something I can eventually capitalize on to make my millions. But in the meantime, I’ll just have another Black Magic.

Overall Rating for the Black Magic

Taste: 5

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2 – I was out of practice on that lemon twist

Drinks Until Blackout: 3 – 34% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

0.75 oz Coffee Liqueur

1 dash Lemon Juice

Drink 183: Whoa, Did You Feel That?

Earthquake
damage!

In case you live under a rock, you probably heard about today’s earthquake.  Actually, if you live under a rock, you probably felt the earthquake more than most people did.  I hope your rock hole was undamaged!  We felt the earthquake here at the Bottle Wonderland Estate, too, but it was just a little shake.  It was like if a large truck was driving nearby or if someone had set off a sonic blaster but we were not forced to evacuate.  We also didn’t have to leave the house.

Today’s drink also happens to be the Sonic Blaster but Mrs. Bottle can assure you I had nothing to do with making the earth move.  Instead, I daintily sipped its combination of vodka, rum, banana liqueur, pineapple juice, orange juice, and cranberry juice.  The name Sonic Blaster seems wildly inappropriate for a drink that is 2/3 juice and only 11% alcohol.  Something called Sonic Blaster should have a little more oomph. I’m thinking it definitely would have Red Bull instead of juice and it should probably have some kind of whiskey and/or sambuca.

That was quite a coincidence that the earthquake
 was centered right where that star was on the map

The name might not be great, but t least it wasn’t called the Sonic Banana Blaster.  I bring this up because prior to this we have had eight drinks featuring banana liqueur and five of them have had “banana” in the name (Banana Di Amore, Banana Foster, Top Banana, Banana Slip, Banana Bomber).  We have awarded the Sonic Blaster one point for creativity.  It is possible it does not have “banana” in the name because of the simple reason that you cannot taste any banana in the drink.  I guess it is overwhelmed by the other juices.  We could taste the rum but only ever so slightly.  All in all it was a tasty drink but nothing earth shattering.

Overall Rating for the Sonic Blaster

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Vodka

0.5 oz Light Rum

0.5 oz Crème de Banana

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Cranberry Juice

Drink 181: Son, You Got a Panty on Your Head

Sheer Elegance looks like silk, feels like silk, and even comes in a control-top style, too.  Sheer Elegance looks and feels like silk. From the Orient!



Sheer Elegance, the cocktail.
From the Bottle Wonderland Estate!



The above quote is the first thing I thought of when I saw that today’s drink was called the Sheer Elegance.  In case you weren’t raised by a television or you are not yet middle-aged, here is a YouTube clip that might help give you some context. That commercial is a classic, and I especially like the serendipitous use of an Asian to deliver the message.  It really brings it home when she says “From the Orient!”   Everyone might not remember a 30 year old commercial, but surely everyone understands that silk “from the Orient!” is the best kind.  Those pantyhose must be good, but I wouldn’t know since I’ve only worn pantyhose a few times never worn pantyhose. Mrs. Bottle assures me that pantyhose do not feel like silk, though.  From the Orient!



Also from the Orient!
img



The Sheer Elegance cocktail does not look like silk, feel like silk, and it surely does not come in a control-top style so I'm not sure why it is named after pantyhose. It doesn't even taste like it comes from the Orient.  Instead, its combination of amaretto, black raspberry liqueur, and vodka tasted like it came from the Karo Corn Syrup factory.  It was horribly sweet and it left my tongue coated in a viscous membrane.  That is not something I look for in a drink.  Or in a control-top undergarment for that matter.  The flavor was also a bit strange.  I’m not convinced that almonds and black raspberries are a great combination, although Mrs. Bottle thought it would have been decent had the taste been less cloying.

Part of the problem may be attributable to our 10+ year old bottle of Chateau Monet Liqueur Framboise.  We recently learned that 10+ year old Bailey’s Irish Cream doesn’t taste as good as fresh stuff so there is a tiny possibility that our black raspberry liqueur may not be at its peak flavor capacity.  I am unwilling to put the blame completely on it, though, because we have had plenty of drinks with this stuff and some of them have been not horrible. For example, the French Martini is quite similar to our latest drink, only it was good.  Maybe because it had more vodka.  Coincidentally, Mrs. Bottle suggested the real problem with the Sheer Elegance was the lack of vodka.  Of course that is her answer to a lot of things.

Overall Rating for the Sheer Elegance

Taste: 2

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 22% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Amaretto

1.5 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur

0.5 oz Vodka

Drink 176: Don't Panic, That's What Everyone Else is Doing

Some of you may have noticed a recent drop in the stock market over the last week.  On August 1 the Dow closed at 12,132.49.  On August 8 it closed at 10,809.85.  That is a drop of something like a billion points.  I’m not a financial wiz, though, so I’m not sure about the figures.  I do know if your strategy is to “sell low” you are kicking butt.

No where to go but up or further down

There is a lot of speculation around the cause(s) of this drop.  Most people think it has to do with the debt ceiling compromise, the possibility of a double-dip recession (I would go for one scoop chocolate and one scoop vanilla), the European debt crisis, or Standard & Poor lowering the sovereign debt rating of the US from AAA to AA+. Side note: You can definitely trust the S&P when it comes to bond ratings.

One aspect that has been overlooked is the slowdown in TBIAW postings. We normally post daily but last week we barely mustered four posts.  We never would have slacked off had we known the global economic impact.  We might not have many readers but I guess they are extremely influential.  I can’t promise we will return to our old frequency any time soon as we will be busy selling what stock we have remaining and burying the money in mason jars around the Estate.

Fear not, though, because Michelle Bachmann has already figured out how to solve our economic woes without involving TBIAW.  All we need to do is to send “signals to the marketplace” and it “won’t take long” for the improvements to manifest themselves.  I, for one, find that exciting.  I think we should start with the Bat Signal.  That is a good one. Next, I would try a Facebook Poke if I knew what signal that actually sent.   Until then we will send a signal to the marketplace right now: Stop selling!  It is making me upset.  Also, TBIAW is not a bond rating agency or qualified in any way, but if we were, we would rate the USA as AAAAAAAA++++*.   Was that so hard?  The ball is in your court, Obama.

The cherry sank faster than my portfolio.
You can see the traces of it, though.

If you are upset about the economic state, one thing that will probably make you feel better is the Chi-Chi, a drink made with vodka, cream of coconut, and pineapple juice.  It was creamy and delicious and makes it impossible to be down while you are drinking it.  It might make you a little sad when you run out, though.  It is very similar to a Piña Colada made with vodka instead of rum. Note that we are talking about a real  Piña Colada, not the abomination of a recipe we tried a few weeks ago.  As with the Piña Colada, the secret is the cream of coconut.  That stuff is fantastic.  Mrs. Bottle said that could just drink a big bowl of that and be happy.  Maybe we should send some to everyone in America.  That would send a signal to the marketplace.

* Rating scale undetermined. Rating refers to nothing. This rating is unofficial and non-binding.  Actually, it indicates less than nothing.  Seriously. TBIAW is not a licensed financial advisor. Parody website. Your mileage may vary.  Past performance is not an indicator of future value.  This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.  Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.  You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more.. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Overall Rating for the Chi-Chi

Taste: 5

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 23 – 5% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka

1 oz Cream of Coconut

4 oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 175: Are You Effen Kidding Me?

Beauty is only skin deep

If I told you we had a drink made from vodka, blue Curaçao, and lemonade, you would probably think that it would be tasty.  We certainly did.  How could a drink with those ingredients possibly be bad?  Well, somehow the Blue Lemonade managed to pull it off.  It didn’t really taste like lemonade even though it had four ounces of the stuff.  It didn’t taste much like blue Curaçao either.  It pretty much tasted like vodka.  Nothing against vodka, but when I have a drink with “lemonade” right in the name I think that it should taste like lemonade. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first drink that failed to hurdle that seemingly low bar.

We suspected the problem might lie in our choice of ingredients.  We immediately ruled out the blue Curaçao since it is the same stuff we’ve been using for our other blue drinks and it hasn’t yet caused any problems.  Our next suspect was the lemonade.  Mrs. Bottle makes all of our pitchers of lemonade and she thought maybe she had made a bad batch.  I found that unlikely since she hand-squeezes three dozen fresh lemons for each batch and sweetens it with sugar cane grown right in the back yard.  Ed Note: I have just been informed that Mrs. Bottle actually just uses Crystal Light.  She tasted the lemonade and proclaimed it lemonadey so we crossed it off the list.

That left us with the vodka.  In this case we used Happy Vodka. Since it was the winner of our vodka taste test we were confident it was fine.  We then double checked the recipe and saw that it specifically called for Effen vodka.  We aren't sure why Mr. Boston would brand-whore and we found it hard to believe that using Effen vodka would make that much difference in the drink flavor. We headed over to the Effen web site to learn more.  The first thing I learned is that EFFEN loves using capital letters.  The second thing I learned was that when you use EFFEN, “you tell those around you that you prefer products that emphasize design and balance form and function.”  These people are also known as Apple fanbois.  Also, that sentence could use some work.

Also emphasizes design

It is obvious from our photographs and the overall beauty of TBIAW that design is a priority in our lives.  Anyone who has seen me shirtless knows that I also balance form and function.  That said, I don’t really know what design and form have to do with vodka.  Function, sure.  It is obvious that the function of vodka is to get you buzzed.  Do you really need EFFEN to do that?  Probably not.  I've never tried it though so maybe it is just that good.  I just don't EFFEN know.

Overall Rating for the Blue Lemonade

 Taste: 2

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackouts: 9 – 12% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Vodka – Use EFFEN only.  It is written.

0.75 oz Blue Curaçao

4 oz Lemonade

Drink 169: Seven Silver Spiders Swam Silently Seaward

It does look silver

When we first started this blog one hundred and sixty-eight cocktails ago we thought the majority of the posts would just be a description of the drink and a rating of said drink.  Today we finally realize that goal with the Silver Spider, a shooter made from vodka, rum, triple sec, and crème de menthe.  This drink tasted mostly like alcohol with a bit of mint.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t anything special.  One thing it will do is get you drunk.  There you have it. 

Overall Rating for the Silver Spider

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackouts: 3 – 33% Alcohol

Ingredients

.5 oz Vodka

.5 oz Rum

.5 oz Triple Sec

.5 oz Crème de Menthe (white)

Drink 162: Too Much Ado

You probably remember when the main road to the Bottle Wonderland Estate was closed earlier this year because of a downed power line.  It was all over the national news.  It caused logistics issues not seen since Hurricane Katrina.  Wait, you don’t remember?  Oh yeah, that’s right, it actually was no big deal.  That’s because every person on the planet who doesn’t live in Los Angeles can deal with a temporary road closure without it being major news for a week.  That said, I was glad to see that Laker Girl tryouts were unaffected.  

Local news coverage

No sunrise and no smog

In honor of the so-called Carmageddon we bring you the L.A. Sunrise, a mix of vodka, crème de banana, rum, orange juice, and pineapple juice.  We aren’t sure why it is called the L.A. Sunrise since the drink doesn’t have a “sunrise effect” like the Tequila Sunrise or its grosser cousin the Hairy Sunrise. It isn’t even covered with a thick haze of smog. Maybe if we had used dark rum instead of the called-for “rum” it would have tinted everything brown and had a more realistic appearance.

The drink ultimately left Mrs. Bottle unsatisfied (insert too-easy joke here (and here)).  She felt the drink too weak and somewhat pointless (also too easy).  I thought it tasted pretty good with a nice pineapple-orange juice flavor.  She noted that she couldn’t even taste the alcohol and said that she might as well just drink some pineapple-orange juice.  To her it is hardly worth writing about, but it is still more newsworthy than a road closure thousands of miles away.

Overall Rating for the L.A. Sunrise

Taste: 4

Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackouts: 10 – 10% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

.5 oz Crème de Banana

.25 oz Rum

2 oz Orange Juice

2 oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 158: Cool as a Cucumber

Anyone who knows me (and that is a select group!) will tell you that I rarely complain and never whine.  When little indignities or injustices strike, I receive them stoically or apply a devil-may-care attitude. That is why you won’t hear me wailing about the fact that Bottle Wonderland Cat has been waking me up at all hours of the evening for no reason whatsoever.  I certainly won’t bore readers with woe-is-me accounts of Bottle Wonderland Kitten #1 hurling himself against the door at 4:00 AM and making an egregious amount of noise simply because he wants a kibble.

Waiter, there's a plant in my drink

A lesser blogger might cry about how his lack of sleep prevents him from formulating a rational thought or from making insightful asides in his entries.  He might even try to drag out his complaint to constitute the majority of a post and blame said sleeplessness for his lack of focus.  You won’t see those types of shenanigans here, though.  We will keep any of our problems to ourselves and simply present our latest drink, the Cubeltini, a mix of vodka, lime juice, simple syrup, mint, and cucumber. The Cubeltini happens to be the signature cocktail of Trina, a restaurant in Fort Lauderdale, FL. 

Where the boys were, circa 1984
img

As I’m sure you already know, Fort Lauderdale is also the setting for the classic film Where the Boys Are ’84, where a bunch of 38 year-olds pretend to be 18 year olds and try to have sex with each other.  In that way it is just like a 20 year high school reunion.  I think in either case the Cubeltini could probably help, but only with a little modification.  The cucumber, mint, and lime juice create a refreshing combination, but they are overwhelmed by the cloying sweetness of the simple syrup.  There is an ounce and a half of that stuff, which turns out to be too much.  Instead of whining about it (which if you recall, I never do), I would recommend cutting it down to ½ an ounce or so.  The reduction in sugar will also help keep the pounds off which is beneficial whether you are entering the hot bod contest or trying to impress your old high school flame.

 

Overall Rating for the Cubeltini

Taste: 3 (4 if you cut down the sugar)

Presentation: 5 – It has an entire plant in it!

Ease of Preparation: 2

Drinks Until Blackouts: 8 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Vodka

1 oz Lime Juice

1.5 oz Simple Syrup

3 Cucumber Slices

5-7 Mint Leaves

Drink 156: Frisky Business

Today’s drink is the Frisky Witch, a duo made from vodka and sambuca.  As with most duos, the Frisky Witch is very strong, weighing in with an alcohol content of 41%.  The anise flavor is very strong as well, weighing in with a licorice score of 93%.  It was a bit too much for Mrs. Bottle to handle even though she thinks that plain sambuca tastes fine.  I liked the Frisky Witch although I wouldn’t want to drink more than six or seven of them at a time.

Please ignore the licorice surgery

If you think six or seven drinks are too many, you are not a college student.  According to a recent survey of college students, binge drinking brings benefits such as “more courage, improved communication skills, and better social abilities.”  I attended college and I can assure you that binge drinking can lead to a lot of things, but “improved communication skills” is not one of them. Unless of course you are looking to increase your slurring and volume level because you are normally soft spoken and people make fun of you because of your precise enunciation.  “Better social abilities” is questionable, too.  If “regrettable sexual encounter” falls under that umbrella then I suppose it makes sense. 

Not sure if this falls under "better social abilities"
or "improved communication skills"

In addition to the benefits that the college students enumerated, there are actual benefits as well including a reduction in the chances of cancer, stroke, Alzheimer’s, and Type-2 diabetes.  Of course those benefits are achieved by only having one (if you are a woman) or two (if you a man) drinks per day.  Doctors can really be a buzzkill.  They didn’t even give a recommended amount for children.  Why do they want kids to catch Alzheimer’s?

Overall Rating for the Frisky Witch

 

Taste: 4 (Mr. Bottle) 2 (Mrs. Bottle)

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 2 – 41% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Sambuca

Drink 153: Drinkee Doodle Dandy

TBIAW is pretty US-centric, which makes sense since that’s where the Bottle Wonderland Estate is located.  It is not intended to be a slight in any way to other countries, though.  We love all countries and the people in those countries, although we are keeping a very close eye on you, Moldova.  Even with our pro-US stance, we still attract visitors from around the world, as you can see here:

Unfortunately this map does not show our
tremendous popularity in Antarctica

You can also see that we don’t get many readers from the southern hemisphere.  That’s because their Internet runs in the opposite direction and they have a hard time getting here. 

For those visitors from other lands who don’t already know, today is the 4^th of July, also known here in the US as Independence Day. This is when we celebrate our country’s freedom by eating a lot of grilled meat, drinking delicious mass-produced American beer, and shooting off fireworks.  Coincidentally, that is also how we celebrate Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Black History Month.

To help celebrate we bring you today’s drink the 4^th of July Tooter, a combination of grenadine (derived from the French word for pomegranate), vodka (from Russia), and blue Curaçao (named after a foreign country). On first glance, you might think those ingredients belong in some effete America hater’s cocktail, but if you reflect deeply on it (an American strength) you can clearly see that they represent the great melting pot of our nation.  If you can’t see that, you should go back to Canada where you belong.

The ingredients also just happen to be red, white, and blue, the colors of Old Glory.  The idea is to float the ingredients to make a red, white, and blue shooter. This is the same concept that worked so well for us when we made the Irish Flag that we were excited to try it again.  We were rewarded because it worked just as well this time.  The vodka didn’t float at all on the grenadine, and the Curaçao didn’t work much better.

Caution! The sparklers are flammable.
They are also made in Thailand

Luckily here in the US of A we are more concerned with substance than style so the taste is more important than the looks. And in the taste department, the 4^th of July Tooter did well with a with a nice orange flavor, although it was a bit sweet.  The main issue is that it wasn’t chilled in any way which is a problem in the middle of summer.  The forecast today is calling for temperatures in the mid-nineties so something cold would be nicer.  In fact when we tested the drink we ended up using good old American ingenuity and we plopped an ice cube in it.  Not only did it chill the drink, the ice cube added a little white and made it an aesthetic victory as well. USA! USA!

Overall Rating for the 4^th of July Tooter

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5 – It doesn’t matter if it didn’t work, it tried!

Ease of Preparation: 2 – Floats

Drinks Until Blackout: 6 – 22% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Grenadine

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Blue Curaçao