Drink 187: Aye, Crème Man

More like shorts
than capris

In the early days of TBIAW, we would often provide some history on a cocktail’s origins.  I realized today that it has been a while since we’ve done that and the oversight must be rectified immediately.  It is important to return to one’s root and today we are going to dig deep.  So without further ado, we present the Capri, a shooter made from crème de cacao, crème de banana, and cream. 

It was invented by famous mixologist Hobie Flehr in 1952.  He called it the Capri because he hated to wear full length pants and was trying to eradicate them through awareness-raising cocktails.  The Capri was his most famous one, outshining his previous efforts Clam Digger, Pedal Pusher, and the disastrous Knickerbocker.  Unfortunately for Flehr, the success of the Capri  was short lived and his bartending career petered out. He was briefly homeless which was hard on him since his ankles got extremely cold at night.   He bounced back professionally, though, when he created a line of pouched juice drinks. ^{[citation needed]}

Rare photo of Flehr in plus-eights ^{[citation needed]}
Img

As far as flavor, the Capri was pretty tasty.  On my first sip I mostly tasted the chocolate flavor of the crème de cacao.  I commented to Mrs. Bottle that I didn’t taste much banana.  She has the opposite reaction and said that when she sipped it that it tasted like a banana exploded in her mouth.  I’ve never experienced that personally so I couldn’t relate.  Regardless, I gave the drink another sip and this time I could taste the banana as well.  The two crèmes complemented the cream completely. As an added benefit, we are that much closer to polishing off that carton of half and half.

Overall Rating for the Capri

Taste: 4

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 15% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.75 oz Crème de Cacao

0.75 oz Crème de Banana

0.75 oz Light Cream

Drink 183: Whoa, Did You Feel That?

Earthquake
damage!

In case you live under a rock, you probably heard about today’s earthquake.  Actually, if you live under a rock, you probably felt the earthquake more than most people did.  I hope your rock hole was undamaged!  We felt the earthquake here at the Bottle Wonderland Estate, too, but it was just a little shake.  It was like if a large truck was driving nearby or if someone had set off a sonic blaster but we were not forced to evacuate.  We also didn’t have to leave the house.

Today’s drink also happens to be the Sonic Blaster but Mrs. Bottle can assure you I had nothing to do with making the earth move.  Instead, I daintily sipped its combination of vodka, rum, banana liqueur, pineapple juice, orange juice, and cranberry juice.  The name Sonic Blaster seems wildly inappropriate for a drink that is 2/3 juice and only 11% alcohol.  Something called Sonic Blaster should have a little more oomph. I’m thinking it definitely would have Red Bull instead of juice and it should probably have some kind of whiskey and/or sambuca.

That was quite a coincidence that the earthquake
 was centered right where that star was on the map

The name might not be great, but t least it wasn’t called the Sonic Banana Blaster.  I bring this up because prior to this we have had eight drinks featuring banana liqueur and five of them have had “banana” in the name (Banana Di Amore, Banana Foster, Top Banana, Banana Slip, Banana Bomber).  We have awarded the Sonic Blaster one point for creativity.  It is possible it does not have “banana” in the name because of the simple reason that you cannot taste any banana in the drink.  I guess it is overwhelmed by the other juices.  We could taste the rum but only ever so slightly.  All in all it was a tasty drink but nothing earth shattering.

Overall Rating for the Sonic Blaster

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 10 – 11% Alcohol

Ingredients

0.5 oz Vodka

0.5 oz Light Rum

0.5 oz Crème de Banana

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Cranberry Juice

Drink 182: I'm Your Lover, I'm Your Zero



We are not going to fall for
the "banana in the tailpipe" trick
but we did fall for the "banana in
the garnish" trick.



Today’s drink is the Banana Di Amore, which translates from Italian roughly to “Banana Love”.  I have a number of hilarious jokes to make about this name, but since this a family-friendly blog you will have to insert your own banana [joke] instead. The reason it is called the Banana Di Amore is because in addition to its crème de banana liqueur it is made with amaretto.  A popular brand of amaretto is Amaretto Di Amore.  Put them together and what do you get?  Banana love. We used a different brand of ameretto, though, so our drink would more rightly be called the Banana De Kuyper.  That translates from Italian to  "Banana Cheapskates".

In addition to the two liqueurs, this drink also contains orange juice, simple syrup, and lemon juice.  Since it is frozen, it also contains freeze-water, more commonly known as ice.  I’m not a huge fan of frozen drinks in general (except for Beergaritas) because you tend not to get much alcohol, and this one was no exception.   Between the juice, ice, and low octane liqueurs, it was only 3% alcohol.  Even if we had used 99 Bananas instead of regular crème de banana it would have only bumped it to 5%.  It hardly seems worth it for the amount of effort involved what with the blending and the fancy garnishes and the ice and all.

The drink did taste good at least, although it was a little sweet.  Despite the freeze-water, you could taste all of the ingredients and they complemented each other well.  The problem is really only the lack of alcohol.  Luckily there is a solution and that solution is to have 2.5 servings instead of one.  That will bump it from 3% alcohol to ∞%.  “Say what?” is what your inner monologue should be saying right now.  You may even whip out your calculator to try to prove me wrong.  If you have an Apple, it would probably look something like this (in video!!):

If you have a windows PC it will probably look something like this:

Oh silly reader, you clearly do not understood maths.  I have a math minor and a PhD in Diet Mountain Dew consumption.  Those things combine to let me prove that 2.5 servings of a beverage multiplies things in an unexpected way. Behold:


Do not drink if you are looking
for significant source of other nutrients.
"Other" nutrients?

See?  0 Calories per serving.  2.5 servings per container.  10 calories per bottle.  If that doesn’t prove the magic of 2.5 servings, I don’t know what will. Maybe a Coke Zero?

Overall Rating for the Banana Di Amore

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 3

Drinks Until Blackout: 200 – 3% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Amaretto

1 oz Crème de Banana

2 oz Orange Juice

0.5 oz Simple Syrup

0.5 oz Lemon Juice

Drink 162: Too Much Ado

You probably remember when the main road to the Bottle Wonderland Estate was closed earlier this year because of a downed power line.  It was all over the national news.  It caused logistics issues not seen since Hurricane Katrina.  Wait, you don’t remember?  Oh yeah, that’s right, it actually was no big deal.  That’s because every person on the planet who doesn’t live in Los Angeles can deal with a temporary road closure without it being major news for a week.  That said, I was glad to see that Laker Girl tryouts were unaffected.  

Local news coverage

No sunrise and no smog

In honor of the so-called Carmageddon we bring you the L.A. Sunrise, a mix of vodka, crème de banana, rum, orange juice, and pineapple juice.  We aren’t sure why it is called the L.A. Sunrise since the drink doesn’t have a “sunrise effect” like the Tequila Sunrise or its grosser cousin the Hairy Sunrise. It isn’t even covered with a thick haze of smog. Maybe if we had used dark rum instead of the called-for “rum” it would have tinted everything brown and had a more realistic appearance.

The drink ultimately left Mrs. Bottle unsatisfied (insert too-easy joke here (and here)).  She felt the drink too weak and somewhat pointless (also too easy).  I thought it tasted pretty good with a nice pineapple-orange juice flavor.  She noted that she couldn’t even taste the alcohol and said that she might as well just drink some pineapple-orange juice.  To her it is hardly worth writing about, but it is still more newsworthy than a road closure thousands of miles away.

Overall Rating for the L.A. Sunrise

Taste: 4

Presentation: 2

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackouts: 10 – 10% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

.5 oz Crème de Banana

.25 oz Rum

2 oz Orange Juice

2 oz Pineapple Juice

Drink 130: Reading is Fundamental

Here at the Bottle Wonderland Estate, we take reading very seriously.  Mrs. Bottle is always reading a novel by one of the great authors of our time like Charlaine Harris or that British lady who writes those Harry Potter books.  Personally, I’m not one for them fancy books so I focus on the Internet supplemented by a variety of magazines.  With the number of different periodicals littering our home, I think we may be the only reason the magazine industry is still afloat.

One of my favorites is Forbes. The articles are fine (“buy low, sell high”, “Obama = bad”, “corporations rock!”), but the ads are what I really like.  If it wasn’t for Forbes, I wouldn’t know which fractional jet company is the best (it’s Netjets!), who I should use for wealth management, or which $125,000 watch gives the greatest value. One ad in the latest issue really caught my eye:

All I know is that whatever product they are selling, I am buying.  Those guys are obviously having a great time, and why wouldn’t they be? They have clearly reached the end of their long day of modeling.  I can tell it is after work because some of them have a five o’clock shadow.  Also, those two guys in the back seat have loosened their skinny ties.  That is a clear sign of relaxation.   Maybe they just finished a quick mani/pedi/teeth whitening session. I just hope they don’t crash since not a single one of them is looking at the road and the driver is peering into a non-existent side mirror. Whatever they are doing, they certainly don’t look like a bunch of douches.

Orange again

After they finish those cigars, they will probably settle down and have a nice glass of brandy.  Maybe they will have it straight or just maybe they will have our latest drink, the La Jolla, a mix of brandy, crème de banana, orange juice, and lemon juice. Crème de banana has a fairly strong flavor, but in the La Jolla, it is overwhelmed by the other components.  Even when we specifically sought out the banana flavor, it was nowhere to be found.  You definitely could taste the brandy and citrus, though, and it was not altogether unpleasant.  Probably not up to Forbes' standards, though.

I don’t have time for any more blogging today; I’ve got some reading to do.

Overall Rating for the La Jolla

Taste: 3
Presentation: 2
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Blackout: 4 – 27% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Brandy

0.5 oz Crème de Banana

1 tsp Orange Juice

2 tsp Lemon Juice

Drink 127: Banana Fana Fo Oster

Our selection of a hurricane
glass instead of the prescribed
brandy snifter turned out to be
half-baked as well as half-full

Since it was a holiday yesterday, Mrs. Bottle and I decided to throw nutrition out the window and eat whatever we wanted.  To maximize our self-indulgence we decided to get a couple of milkshakes in the middle of the afternoon just because we could.  Then later that night we had our drink, the Banana Foster. The Banana Foster is made from spiced rum, banana liqueur, vanilla ice cream, and a banana.  It is kind of like an alcoholic banana milkshake.  It turns out that the prospect of having a milkshake when you still feel bloated from your previous milkshake is not the most appealing thing in the world.

While it looked like a milkshake on paper, it turned out to be more like thick room-temperature alcoholic banana milk.  In case you were wondering, that also isn’t that appealing.  Even though the Banana Foster is in the “Frozen Drinks” section of our Mr. Boston guide the drink wasn’t even cold, much less frozen.  I guess a couple of scoops of ice cream weren’t enough to cool down all of the other ingredients.  Maybe the drink used to be colder when this recipe was invented, but global warming climate change caused it to melt.  If I get time I will consult some scientists to determine the truth and then reject their findings if they do not match my political beliefs.

Flavor-wise, the drink was good as long as you are a banana fan.  It also has a dash of cinnamon on top which is always welcome.  If it had been a little bit colder, it probably would have rated a perfect five. On the other hand, if you are anti-banana, you probably won’t like the Banana Foster.  You also won’t like it that much if you want a strong drink, if you are lactose-intolerant, if you are allergic to potassium, or if your vessel was ever hijacked by Captain Morgan and you are still carrying a grudge. 

Also too warm

Overall Rating for the Banana Foster

Taste: 4

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 1

Drinks Until Blackout: 12 – 6% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Spiced Rum

0.5 oz Banana Liqueur

2 scoops Vanilla Ice Cream

1 Medium Banana, Sliced

Drink 93: Top Boston Banana Gold

Mrs. Bottle is here to write (one day earlier than normal) about today’s drink. This is a story of a beverage called the Top Banana that consists of vodka, crème de banana and orange juice. Our very faithful readers who also have great memories might recall a similar drink earlier this week called the Boston Gold. When I say similar, I mean it was made with vodka, crème de banana and orange juice. So here’s how this debacle of planning went down.

The different glass couldn't fool us

Let me first explain the process for picking out drinks because it’s a fascinating tale of intrigue. Every Saturday I pour through the Mr. Boston guide to pick out each day’s drink for the following week. I try to vary them by ingredients (unless we have a theme going a la Cream Week) because it’s difficult to be hilarious and interesting about the same things only three days apart. However if we write similar things about similar drinks three WEEKS apart, all six of our readers might get a niggling feeling of déjà vu, but they’re not sure why. Crafty, right?

Now you’re wondering how the wheels fell off this carefully laid out plan? Two words: Mr. Bottle is at fault. I originally planned for a coffee drink last night and Mr. Bottle made a face when I told him what we were drinking. Then when I gave him a choice of three alternative drinks, he chose the Top Banana. So he single-handedly unscrewed those lug nuts and hence the wheels went flying. He might try to offer excuses like “Mrs. Bottle wasn’t interested in that coffee drink either” or “Mrs. Bottle made me choose the drink without knowing the ingredients”. While these excuses are both inspired by actual events, one might say that one could have asked what the ingredients of the drink were and then changed one’s choice.

Reenactment

Bottom line is Mr. Bottle ruined it and then made me write the blog about the Top Banana, a drink that was pretty tasty, with lots more banana flavor than the Boston Gold.

Overall Rating for the Top Banana

Taste: 4 – Just like Boston Gold
Presentation: 4 – Just like Boston Gold
Ease of Preparation: 4 – Just like Boston Gold
Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 14% Alcohol – Not just like Boston Gold

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Crème de Banana
2 oz Orange Juice

Drink 90X

Boston Orange is more like it

Last year Mrs. Bottle and I did P90X.  If you are not familiar with it, P90X is a torture system fitness program known for taking up 37% of all infomercial time slots over the last 5 years. They claim the program will allow you to “get absolutely ripped in just 90 days”.  The part that they leave out is that you are working out for between an hour and ninety minutes per day and your daily diet consists of protein powder, protein bars, and 13 peas.  In fairness, you can have 14 peas after the first month.

In all seriousness, P90X works.  I don’t think we got “absolutely ripped”, but we were certainly very fit by the end of the program.  Of course I imagine almost any program where you exercise that much and cut out junk food would produce similar results.  The downside is that since it is a 90-day program with a fixed end point, I had such a feeling of accomplishment when I finished that it felt like a closed chapter in my life.  It was pretty hard to keep going after that.  I managed to continue for another month or so, but eventually stopped it and quickly reverted from a ripped Adonis to a poorly defined Adonis.  I am happy to say that the change in muscle tone had no impact on my sex appeal.

Why am I bringing up P90X?  Because today is our 90^th drink, the Boston Gold, a combination of vodka, crème de banana, and orange juice.  The other reason is that Mrs. Bottle and I also started P90X again this week.  This time we are modifying it quite a bit, but we are back to the diet and the exercise.  This has a little to do with a desire to be healthy and a lot to do with personal vanity.  When you are a bon vivant, appearances are important.   

Similar to my "Before" Picture

In the first phase of the P90X diet you only get one serving of fruit per day.  Mrs. Bottle used the Boston Gold to fulfill her fruit requirement, since it was mostly orange juice.  The vodka was her carb.  This made the Boston Gold a perfect complement to P90X.  It also tasted pretty good.  I got a hint of banana, but Mrs. Bottle couldn’t taste it.  In fact, it pretty much tasted like orange juice.   The P90X folks try to sell you a post-workout “recovery drink” but I think we will just have a Boston Gold instead.

I just hope that when we finish all 1,500 drinks in the Mr. Boston guide that it won’t seem like such an accomplishment that we stop drinking.  Probably not much danger of that happening.

Overall Rating for Boston Gold

Taste: 4

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 9 – 9% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

0.5 oz Crème de Banana

4 oz Orange Juice

Day 63: Our Slip Is Showing

Today’s drink is the Banana Slip and Mrs. Bottle is here to provide my insightful take. It’s a shooter that consists of 1.5 ounces each of Crème de Banana and Irish cream liqueur. A 3 ounce shooter??? Isn’t that rather large for a beverage you’re supposed to down in one gulp? Considering I have trouble getting a normal shot of 1.5 ounces down, I’m going with “yes”.

The Banana Slip is hearted by Irish Monkeys

My favorite part of this drink is that I was finally able to make a proper float, adding the Irish cream on top of the Crème de Banana. All of the recipes I found online said to “pour carefully” so that’s what I did. I felt truly triumphant afterwards. I could hear the trumpets blaring at the greatness of the float I had achieved. I carried it ever so carefully to our picture taking area, then carried it ever so carefully back to the Bottle Wonderland Estate Kitchen. Then I tried to drink it and all I got was a mouthful of Bailey’s (yummy!). Mr. Bottle followed suit with the same results. Apparently you need a cement mixer to combine this thing because there was still a solid float going on, albeit much less of one. I whipped out the stir stick to combine the ingredients and then we tasted away. A slight burning alcohol and banana taste with a lot of Bailey’s flavor so not a fan favorite in this household. Maybe a human sized shooter would have allowed a better combo of flavors.

Future Vintage Bottle

So then I pondered the Crème de Banana ingredient. After vast searching on the Internet I learned that along with alcoholic beverages, it can be used as a syrup on frozen desserts or in some baked dishes to add a massive boost of banana flavor. We purchased Hiram Walker’s version, so I thought I’d see what they could add. Another great website with the obligatory date of birth entry page. Only 2 characters provided for the year though, so what if a 10 year old was trying to explore the world of schnapps and liqueurs?? They just assume the kid was born in 1901? That seems irresponsible.

Next I discovered a helpful part of Hiram Walker’s website: the FAQ. “I recently purchased a Hiram Walker product and don’t know how to use it. Can you help?” Seriously? You don’t know why you bought this high quality product? “Are there sugars in Hiram Walker products?” Ok, have you ever tasted a schnapps or liqueur? “How much are my vintage bottles worth?” They are still asking questions about Hiram Walker products right? But then this flies in the face of another question: “How long is Hiram Walker’s shelf life?” An actual question I can’t mock. Apparently 2 years if unopened and 6 months if opened.

Wait a minute… Maybe the shelf life explains why the shooter is 3 ounces. So drink up! And fast!

Overall Rating for the Banana Slip

Taste: 3
Presentation: 5 - Until you want to taste the combination of flavors
Ease of Preparation: 3 - would have been a 2 if it was harder to do that float thing
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 17% Alcohol


Ingredients

1.5 oz Crème de Banana
1.5 oz Irish Cream Liqueur