Drink 148: Throwing Stones

What is up with that orange?

It’s Sunday so that means it’s time for Mrs. Bottle to wow you with another fabulous review of a mediocre (at best) adult beverage. Today’s drink is the Glass Tower, a combination of many, many ingredients. First, you throw in some vodka, followed by peach schnapps. Next comes rum and then triple sec. Finally you add sambuca and finish it off with some lemon-lime soda. In case you haven’t kept count, that’s six ingredients. But don’t forget the last touch of the garnish, which is an orange slice and cherry. So technically you have eight ingredients. I just want to say, that’s a lot of crap to throw into a drink and still expect something tasty to come out in the end. Maybe that wasn’t the expectation, and if that’s true, then it actually DID live up to expectations. Did you follow that logic?

Since my parents are here visiting the sprawling TBIAW estate, I’m going to keep this relatively short. Here’s the reaction from Mr. Bottle, my folks and myself after tasting this drink, in no particular order: “That’s weird”, “It’s just weird”, “I don’t like that. Tastes weird”, “How can this only taste like Sambuca with all these ingredients?? I’m not drinking this weird thing”.  So I like to compare the results of drinking the Glass Tower to a moment from the 70’s blockbuster movie, The Towering Inferno. As he looks up at his Glass Tower building in ruins, Paul Newman tells Faye Dunaway that maybe it should be left as a symbol of all that is wrong in society. What? Maybe that’s a little strong, but at the very least the Glass Tower should remain as a symbol of all that’s wrong with society thinking it’s ok to have so many ingredients in one drink. It’s just too weird.

Overall Rating for the Glass Tower

Taste: 2 – Mr. Bottle said he could drink it if push came to shove

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 2 – You did see the ingredients list, right?

Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 17% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Peach Schapps

1 oz Rum

1 oz Triple Sec

½ oz Sambvca

Lemon-lime Soda

Drink 134: Unblogging

Last week I was trying to measure the distance between two latitude/longitude pairs. Luckily I learned trigonometry in school so I knew that the formula was:

     R * cos^-1(cos(long₁-long₂)cos(lat₁)cos(lat₂)+sin(lat₁)sin(lat₂))

Be sure to convert your latitude/longitude pair to radians before you plug them into the formula!  Or just use Google maps.

That is a fine looking drink

I learned trigonometry not because I wanted to, but because it was required in my school.  It’s a good thing I wasn’t unschooled (and that my Internet was working) or I wouldn’t have been able to make my calculation.  In unschooling, the kids not only do not attend a traditional classroom-based school, they don’t learn anything they don’t want to.   It is like home-schooling to the n^th degree (that is a math term in case you happened to be unschooled).  I have a feeling that left to my own devices I wouldn’t have learned trigonometry.  On the upside, I probably would have been the greatest Atari player in the world.

I heard about unschooling from a story Mrs. Bottle told me about. The kid in the story didn’t learn how to read until he was 10 because he didn’t have a reason to read before then.  I guess up until that point they used a lot of Mr. Yuk stickers and that  game nights were limited to Candyland.   I definitely wouldn’t want someone who can’t read giving me clues in Password.

Honestly, I don’t think his story makes a very convincing case for unschooling.  His 12-year-old brother “is bored a lot because he's in between interests.”  You know what, when I was 12 I was bored a lot, too, but at least I was still learning stuff.  One thing I distinctly remember from science class when I was around that age is that the six simple machines are the wedge, the pulley, the inclined plane, the screw, and two other ones.  I certainly wouldn’t know 67% of the simple machines if I had been left to only learn what I was interested in.  That kind of simple machine knowledge would be really handy if I ever did work around the house.

My favorite part of the article is where the mom makes the case that you shouldn’t force a child to do something the child doesn’t want to do.  There are a lot of kids in my neighborhood, and based on the number of basketballs abandoned in my yard, I’m thinking maybe sometimes they should be forced to do something they don’t want to do.  Like pick up their basketballs.  Consarn it!

This 50ml
bottle is the max
amount of
coconut rum
allowed at the
estate

Enough about that, you are probably anxiously awaiting our review of today’s drink, the Heat Wave. The Heat Wave is made from coconut-flavored rum, peach schnapps, pineapple juice, orange juice, and grenadine.   It was a bit sweet, but overall pretty tasty.  I was surprised since it has both peach schnapps and grenadine, which are two unwelcome ingredients.  Mrs. Bottle dislikes coconut rum as well, but she liked the Heat Wave anyway.  It probably had something to do with the fact that there were 6 ounces of juices to wipe out the less attractive flavors.  “Volume” and "ratios" are also concepts I learned in school.

If you made it this far, I would like to congratulate you on your ability to read and your ability to do something you don’t want to do. You may also be wondering what unschooling has to do with today’s drink, the Heat Wave.  The answer is “nothing.”  That is because I am unblogging today.  I don’t have to write about anything that I am not interested in, and I am not interested in making a connection between the drink and the rest of the post.

Overall Rating for the Heat Wave

 

Taste: 4

Presentation: 5

Ease of Preparation: 4

Drinks Until Blackout: 15 –  5% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Coconut-flavored Rum

0.5 oz Peach Schnapps

3 oz Pineapple Juice

3 oz Orange Juice

0.5 oz Grenadine

Drink 107: Slow News Day

Not Peachy Keen

I know this is going to blow your mind, but Mrs. Bottle is here two days in a row. Super amazing, I know. Mr. Bottle is too busy ready all the stories about Osama Bin Laden  so I am taking the opportunity to discuss today’s drink, the Rocky Mountain Cooler.  Since we’ve been cooling our heels for 10 years waiting for this moment, this seems a fitting drink (feel free to groan out loud because I certainly did as those words poured out).  Anyone who has read the Boston Gold entry knows that I actually create the menu on Saturdays and I assure you that the CIA did not give me a heads up on the operation in order for me to pick out the perfect drink for today’s blog. If they had, I’m pretty sure it would not have been this one. Because something called the Osama is Gone drink would have been even more fitting. If only Mr. Boston had included something clever and prophetic like that. Then my mind would have been blown.

On to the drink. The Rocky Mountain Cooler is made from peach schnapps, pineapple juice and lemon-lime soda (we used Sprite Zero). When Mr. Bottle and I had our first sips of the drink, we thought it was pretty darn good and that it certainly merited a “4” on the TBIAW scale of drink awesomeness. Then we continued to drink it and the peach flavor became more and more pronounced. By the end of the drink, I had Mr. Bottle in a headlock and was trying to force it down his gullet because I really didn’t want a single additional drop of that sickly sweet stuff. Needless to say our final rating dropped, as you can see below.

Final conclusion: This drink would have been better with no peach schnapps and vodka instead. Or just as plain Sprite Zero because that’s tasty too and it has almost as much alcohol.

Overall Rating for the Rocky Mountain Cooler

Taste: 3

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 25 – 3% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Peach schnapps

4 oz Pineapple juice

2 oz Lemon-lime soda

Drink 83: Triangle Drink Hates Person Drink

Part of this glass disappeared
into the Bermuda Triangle

I know that it was just yesterday when Mr. Bottle informed all eight of our readers that we’d be discontinuing the daily blog exercise. Yet here I am, blogging the very next day because these new rules don’t really apply to me since we all know that I only blog once a week. Maybe we’d still have daily commentaries if I had picked up the slack and Mr. Bottle didn’t have to do six out of seven each week. But I’m busy with other activities like sleeping, playing computer games, and surfing the web for various household décor.

So instead of searching for new ottomans for my living room, I will now share the story of the Bermuda Triangle. I think we are all familiar with the legend of the other Bermuda Triangle, which covers the area from Bermuda to Puerto Rico to the Straits of Florida. Allegedly, a large number of aircraft and ships have disappeared there over the years possibly due to a supernatural or alien element. Oddly, several folks have suggested these reports are exaggerated. While I don’t have enough time to explain why believers in the Bermuda Triangle are loco (remember those ottomans), what I can tell you about the Bermuda Triangle drink is that it consists of peach schnapps, spiced rum, and orange juice. We were hoping to taste the spiced rum, but it was such a small amount compared to the other two ingredients that essentially it was just like drinking a Fuzzy Navel. And since we haven’t reviewed that beverage yet, you’ll just have to wait for the link to the Fuzzy Navel entry for another time.

Aside from the drink having three ingredients and a triangle having three sides, I’m not really sure the reason for the name. Maybe there are a lot of peaches and oranges in that area of the ocean. Maybe the spiced rum taste mysteriously disappeared. What I do know is that the most mysterious thing about the Bermuda Triangle drink was how it suddenly disappeared when I turned my back for just a few brief minutes. Mr. Bottle continues to claim no knowledge of its whereabouts but I have my suspicions…

We found a clue as to the name of the drink!

Overall Rating for the Bermuda Triangle

Taste: 4
Presentation: 4
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Blackout: 13 – 7% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Peach Schnapps
½ oz Spiced Rum
3 oz Orange Juice



Day 77: OMG WTF BBQ

First things first, in response to Mr. Bottle’s blog from yesterday, I want to unequivocally state that I do not and never have used a Shake Weight. That is not a look I’m going for, and I’m not referring to the advertised muscle buildup after the workout.

Mr Bottle doesn't see anything wrong with this look
(Img: blippitt.com)

Oh My Gosh, today’s drink, is perfect for how I feel as I write this. As in, oh my gosh, I just can’t hang like I used to. Last night, Mr. Bottle and I went for a night on the town to celebrate a friend’s 40^th birthday. At the end of the evening as we reviewed the bill for the beverages consumed, I realized with some amazement that I had racked up a total of seven drinks. Seven??!! “What the hell was I thinking?” one might ask. But I think it’s safe to say that after drink number four there’s not much thinking going on. I tried to be reasonable, sticking to my old friend, the vodka tonic. It’s my contention that the tonic water helps keep you hydrated although maybe consuming five negates any of those benefits. What also negates any chance of an easy recovery is a tequila shot. However, another contention of mine is that you can’t have a milestone birthday celebration without some form of shot consumption. The last thing which may (and I emphasize the word may) have put me over the edge was the Root Beer Bomb, a combo of root beer flavored vodka and Red Bull. And unlike other legendary combos like rum and coke or vodka and OJ, this was not so legendary tasting.

Oh My Gosh it doesn't look that good

So despite the adventures from last night, I’m still able to discuss today’s drink without feeling too unsteady as I think about the flavors. Oh My Gosh is a shooter with equal parts peach schnapps and amaretto. Originally Mr. Bottle and I thought this was going to be a terrible drink since neither of us loves these alcohols. However, we each had the same reaction after tasting it. Oh my gosh! It actually tastes pretty good. So I guess peach schnapps and amaretto really complement each other and do make a good combo. Maybe not legendary, but definitely better than that root beer disaster.

Overall Rating for the Oh My Gosh

 

Taste: 4
Presentation: 3
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 18% Alcohol

Ingredients

1 oz Peach Schnapps
1 oz Amaretto

Day 62: I'd Rather Drink Bleach With a Georgia Peach

The appearance is quite misleading

Bottle Wonderland Cat woke me up around 5:00 AM today. On weekdays I don’t mind so much since I have to get ready for work and that gives me some time to blog beforehand.  On weekends it is not as acceptable, though, as I need my beauty sleep.  I have tried pointing this out to Bottle Wonderland Cat but she doesn’t seem to understand the calendar. Our next cat will be smarter. 

This got me thinking about calendars in general and then I remembered my awesome idea for a new and better calendar.  I came up with this a few years ago so many of you may have already seen it, but I feel obligated to share it again:

• Weeks are 8 days long
• The first eleven months are 4 weeks long (32 days)
• December is 13 days long in non-leap years and 14 days in leap years.
• December is a national holiday.  Everything remains closed except retail stores, grocery stores, and Chick-fil-a.
• The standard work week is still 5 days (Monday – Friday)
• There is an extra day between Saturday and Sunday.  We will name it something like “Gerald” so we can get rid of that corny “Only on days that end in Y” joke.

Before you get all riled up about the current Gregorian Calendar being the widely recognized Christian standard, remember that it was implemented in 1582.  Galileo was convicted of heresy in 1632 for saying that the Earth orbits around the Sun.  I’m just saying that scientific knowledge wasn’t exactly at its apex in the 16^th century. 

There are really a lot of benefits to this system.  You get a three day weekend every week.  The two week holiday at the end of the year just formalizes what is already a common practice for many.   It will require a massive effort to print new calendars and re-program every computer.  All watches with calendars and so-called perpetual calendars will need to be replaced.  This will provide a massive economic stimulus.   I estimate the economic impact will be over one quadrillion dollars.

One quadrillion dollars also happens to be the amount you would have to pay us to drink today’s drink the Twin Peach again.  The Twin Peach is a mix of peach schnapps and cranberry juice. The peach and cranberry did not complement each other at all.  Mrs. Bottle remarked that all the schnapps did was ruin the cranberry juice. It made the drink cloying and gross and at less than 7% alcohol you would definitely be better off just having some plain juice. I’m beginning to wonder if it possible to use peach schnapps in a drink and have it taste good.  This is our third try and none of the drinks have rated higher than a three. 

The Twin Peach had a flavor odder than anything in this show

I’m not sure why it is called the Twin Peach either.  I suppose it might be because of the two ounces of peach schnapps and it a play on Twin Peaks.  I only hope that Laura Palmer did not live long enough to try a Twin Peach.

Overall Rating for the Twin Peach

Taste: 2

Presentation: 4

Ease of Preparation: 5

Drinks Until Blackout: 13 – 7% Alcohol

Ingredients

2 oz Peach Schnapps

Cranberry Juice

Day 60: Why So Blue?

Big and blue, like Babe the Ox

The Catalina Margarita features tequila, peach schnapps, blue Curaçao, simple syrup, and lemon juice.  After two days of cherry-inspired confusion, sadness, and rage, we were happy to have a drink that did not have cherry brandy, “cherry brandy”, or brandy flavored with cherries.  It is also always exciting to have a drink loaded with blue food coloring.  I think if hospitals added some blue food coloring to their IV bags, people would find them more inviting.  Since our drink was blue and claimed to be a margarita, one of our favorite drinks, it seemed as if we were set for a syzygial alignment of goodness.

The peach schnapps eventually put an end to any delusions of a successful drink.  Before tasting the Catalina Margarita I noticed that it had a powerful peach aroma.  On my first sip I didn’t think the peach taste was overpowering, but it was a bit sweet.  At first it seemed that Mrs. Bottle liked it quite a bit more than I did.  This in itself wasn’t surprising because she is a like a happy-go-lucky pixie who is always flitting around looking for the positive.  I, however, have a skeptic’s heart. I would base my final opinion on a hard look at the facts and nothing more.



Mrs. Bottle and I differ on
 the fullness of this glass



The undeniable fact is that between the two of us we couldn’t finish the Catalina Margarita.  That is not a sign of a drink we like.  The more I had the more I noticed the peach flavor.  It eventually became all I could taste, and that is not a good thing.  That combined with blue Curaçao and the simple syrup also made the drink cloyingly sweet.  The drink began to sit there, unloved.

Even after an hour there was still some left in the glass.  It wasn’t just backwash either since the color was still a vibrant blue.  I knew Mrs. Bottle was becoming less enamored with it as well when she tried to force me to drink it, since she is loath to share her alcohol.  “DRINK THIS!” she yelled as she shoved the glass in my face.  She didn’t even care that I was trying to watch Tosh.0.  Hopefully I didn’t miss any videos of people getting seriously injured.  That is always hilarious.

Overall Rating for the Catalina Margarita

Taste: 3 – Only if you make it smaller

Presentation: 3

Ease of Preparation: 3 – 5 ingredients is a lot

Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 15% Alcohol

Ingredients

1.5 oz Tequila

1 oz Peach Schnapps

1 oz Blue Curaçao

2 oz Simple Syrup

2 oz Lemon Juice

Day 31: Loch, Scotch, and Barrel

"Brackish" is not a quality
we look for in a drink

Mrs. Bottle here. I think Mr. Bottle is breathing a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to write about last night’s drink after almost having to fill in for my weekly turn at the libation review. It turns out that on the 3^rd night in a row of attending some form of event where drinks have a heavy presence, my body turns on me. Maybe it was just the memory of that Pom-Lemonata from the night before but after an hour at a friend’s party, I felt nauseated as hell (someday I’m sure Mr. Bottle will explain to you the difference between being nauseated and nauseous- riveting stuff). But I’ve soldiered on to share the story of today’s drink.

It is the Loch Lomond, a mix of Scotch whisky, peach schnapps, blue Curaçao, grapefruit juice, and lemon juice with a starfruit garnish. Surprisingly, starfruit can't be found in Charlotte in early February so we had to skip it. This concoction sounds odd enough when you feel good, so you can imagine that the idea of drinking it last night was not something I relished. All I wanted to do was to lie on the couch and watch my new favorite show Top Gear on BBC America. I’m not sure why there’s a BBC America on my cable. It’s not like there’s a huge surplus of British immigrants in the US, right? The only thing I can surmise is that we Americans must think England is some sort of mystical place where all your dreams come true. Like Disneyworld. Must just be those accents. Just listening to The Stig speak made me feel better and up for the taste test.

How can a duck
hand-squeeze?

The Loch Lomond is unremarkable in every way except for taste, smell, and appearance. I thought it smelled like an old shoe. It was the color of greenish sea water, perhaps similar to the Scottish lake it was named after? And the taste? It was odd, having a prominent grapefruit juice flavor with some sort of weird chemical flavor at the end. I couldn’t really make out the Scotch but Mr. Bottle thought he detected it. While he also thought there was something off, he believed he could actually drink it if he hadn’t already had his fill of alcohol. As for that peculiar taste at the end, he thought our 10 year old peach schnapps might be bad. I just wondered if Donald Duck brand grapefruit juice might not have been the best option to choose.

Ultimately, my opinion is that the Loch Lomond is just bloody awful.

Overall Rating for the Loch Lomond

Taste: 2  - Mr. Bottle could have drunk it or this would be a solid 1

Presentation: 2  - Starfruit may have pushed it to a 3

Ease of Preparation: 3 - Starfruit might have pushed it to a 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 8 - Only 13% alcohol 

Ingredients

1 oz Scotch Whisky

.5 oz Peach Schnapps

1 oz Blue Curaçao

3 oz Grapefruit Juice

.5 oz Lemon Juice