Saturday, May 21, 2011

Drink 118: If You Can Read This, You Were Left Behind

Godchild Cocktail
Looks the same
as yesterday but
tastes very different
I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but today is supposed to be the rapture. In case you are not familiar with Christian theology, the rapture is some kind of deal where the good people go meet Jesus and the rest of us fight to the death Thunderdome-style. At least that’s what I think happens, because it turns out I’m not too familiar with Christian theology.  Thus, I was a bit curious as to why today is predicted to be the rapture, so I did some extensive research and learned that it is because a radio host has proved it with math.

Here is the proof:

  1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
  2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
  3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
  4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
  5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
  6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500

If you are like me, you can’t see a single flaw with that logic.  It is so sound that it allows me to ignore the fact the same person also predicted the world would end in 1994 and even wrote a book about it. He claims that he made a math mistake that time. I put it in my calculator and 722,449 + 51 does indeed equal 722,500.  Quod erat demonstrandum.

This prediction clearly was
not proved with math
Anyhoodle, the whole shebang happens at 6:00 PM local time so I still have a few more hours before I will need to break out my boomstick and start defending the Bottle Wonderland Estate from the rest of the heathens.  I’m not sure how much heart I will put into it though, because I will probably be lonely after Mrs. Bottle gets called up.  At least I won’t have to hear her singing “Snow” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers like she has been doing non-stop for the last week.  I try to find the bright side in things.

If she does get called up, this could be the end of TBIAW, as she does most of the work.  It is too bad that the probable last drink in our anthology is the Godchild (how fitting), a mix of amaretto, vodka, and cream. I thought it mostly tasted like burning and amaretto, which also happen to be the two flavors in Hell.  Mrs. Bottle thought it was pretty good, though.  Her only complaint was that it tasted a little too amaretto-y.  I’m sure when she is with the Lord that no drink will be too amaretto-y.

Of course if none of this happens I will feel quite the fool at 6:01 PM.

Overall Rating for the Godchild

Taste: 3
Presentation: 2
Ease of Preparation: 4
Drinks Until Rapture: 6 – 20% Alcohol


1 oz Vodka
1 oz Amaretto
1 oz Heavy Cream

1 comment:

Kimo said...

Are we sure this whole thing isn't just based on an elaborate 33 AD April Fools' Day joke?

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