Thursday, April 21, 2011

Drink 98: Who You Gonna Call?

Florida Cocktail
We have found the answer to the
question: "What are two things
you won't do on Sundays this fall?"

The Florida is a mix of gin, kirschwasser, triple sec, orange juice, and lemon juice.  Both Mrs. Bottle and I are both somewhat at a loss as to how to explain the flavor.  The primary component was orange but there were hints of the other ingredients.  When they all came together it just tasted kind of odd.  It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was nothing so amazing that I would seek it out.  I might have it again though, since it is one of the few drinks that call for kirschwasser and we have a whole bottle of that stuff to drink.

I had an idea to call James Hetfield, lead singer of Metallica, and ask him if he knew any good drinks that featured kirschwasser.  I don’t have James’ number, so I just dialed 1-800-METALLICA since that seemed like a logical choice.  Much to my surprise, that was not only not the phone number for James Hetfield, lead singer of Metallica, it was a phone sex line. After a quick session of dirty talk, I became curious as to why 1-800-METALLICA led me to hot one-on-one chat.

James Hetfield,
lead singer of Metallica
It turns out that there is a company that is buying up toll-free numbers and redirecting them to phone sex lines.  According to this article, over 25% of all 1-800 numbers in the US and Canada are owned by PrimeTel Communications and most of them lead to a phone sex service.  Once the customer gets redirected to the phone sex line, he has to give his credit card number before he gets charged.  I feel safe using the pronoun “he” in this context instead of a gender neutral one.

This business model raises a couple of questions.  The first is: Who calls 1-800 numbers anymore?  Between Google and text messages, I thought talking on the phone had had been eliminated.  I suppose there are rare occasions when I might have to call someone, like when my power is out or if I am very lonely. 

Even if you do call one of these numbers, who stays on the line for phone sex when they called 1-800-MINOLTA to ask a question about a camera?  How does that thought process work?  “Oh, I was trying to find out how to set the aperture, but go ahead and tell me what you are wearing.  You can fit your whole fist in your mouth?  That’s a good thing because I have a wide angle lens, baby.”  But I digress.   

I guess enough people do it to make it worth their while.  It seems to me that getting business through trickery is the devil’s work.  I think I will call 1-800-WORSHIP to talk about it.

Overall Rating for the Florida

Taste: 3
Presentation: 1
Ease of Preparation: 3 – Lots of measuring
Drinks Until Blackout: 7 – 17% Alcohol


.5 oz Gin
1.5 tsp Kirschwasser
1.5 tsp Triple Sec
1 oz Orange Juice
1 tsp Lemon Juice

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