Day 32: Broken Dreams

If you squint you
can see some green

Today’s drink is the Tikki Dream, a mix of cranberry juice and melon liqueur. There is only ¾ of an ounce of melon liqueur in it, though, so we really don’t see the point.  It probably shouldn't even qualify for this blog. We have one close friend who doesn’t drink and even she thinks there isn’t enough alcohol in a Tikki Dream.  If you have a hankering for a Tikki Dream, just have a glass of cranberry juice and then drink a shot of Listerine.  You will get the health benefits of the juice, more alcohol, and your breath will be minty fresh.  That is a real win-win-win.

The recipe called for a wedge of watermelon as garnish.  We know that this is supposed to be because of the melon liquer and that the ingredients are red and green like a watermelon. How incredibly clever. We know that the real reason is to distract you from the fact that someone just served you a drink that contains only 0.2 oz. of alcohol.  You would get more alcohol in a vanilla Coke.  Well you would if you made it with vanilla extract.  It is also hard to think of a garnish more detrimental to the ease of drinkability than a wedge of watermelon.  I suggest a cactus. 



This has more melon than a Tikki Dream

Once you get past the fact that you are essentially drinking a glass of cranberry juice, the Tikki Dream actually tasted quite good.  The melon liqueur added a nice amount of sweetness to the tart juice. The sugar-rimmed glass was also helpful in that regard.  As far as presentation, it pretty much looks like a glass of cranberry juice and there is nothing wrong with that.  Maybe this drink is okay after all.  Now that I think about it, perhaps our complaints about the Tikki Dream are out of proportion.  Just like the alcohol content of the drink.

Overall Rating for the Tikki Dream

Taste: 3
Presentation: 2  - Don't know if the watermelon would help or hurt
Ease of Preparation: 3 - Rimming is hard
Drinks Until Blackout: 27 - 4% alcohol

Ingredients

4.25 oz Cranberry Juice
.75 oz Melon Liqueur

Day 31: Loch, Scotch, and Barrel

"Brackish" is not a quality
we look for in a drink

Mrs. Bottle here. I think Mr. Bottle is breathing a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to write about last night’s drink after almost having to fill in for my weekly turn at the libation review. It turns out that on the 3^rd night in a row of attending some form of event where drinks have a heavy presence, my body turns on me. Maybe it was just the memory of that Pom-Lemonata from the night before but after an hour at a friend’s party, I felt nauseated as hell (someday I’m sure Mr. Bottle will explain to you the difference between being nauseated and nauseous- riveting stuff). But I’ve soldiered on to share the story of today’s drink.

It is the Loch Lomond, a mix of Scotch whisky, peach schnapps, blue Curaçao, grapefruit juice, and lemon juice with a starfruit garnish. Surprisingly, starfruit can't be found in Charlotte in early February so we had to skip it. This concoction sounds odd enough when you feel good, so you can imagine that the idea of drinking it last night was not something I relished. All I wanted to do was to lie on the couch and watch my new favorite show Top Gear on BBC America. I’m not sure why there’s a BBC America on my cable. It’s not like there’s a huge surplus of British immigrants in the US, right? The only thing I can surmise is that we Americans must think England is some sort of mystical place where all your dreams come true. Like Disneyworld. Must just be those accents. Just listening to The Stig speak made me feel better and up for the taste test.

How can a duck
hand-squeeze?

The Loch Lomond is unremarkable in every way except for taste, smell, and appearance. I thought it smelled like an old shoe. It was the color of greenish sea water, perhaps similar to the Scottish lake it was named after? And the taste? It was odd, having a prominent grapefruit juice flavor with some sort of weird chemical flavor at the end. I couldn’t really make out the Scotch but Mr. Bottle thought he detected it. While he also thought there was something off, he believed he could actually drink it if he hadn’t already had his fill of alcohol. As for that peculiar taste at the end, he thought our 10 year old peach schnapps might be bad. I just wondered if Donald Duck brand grapefruit juice might not have been the best option to choose.

Ultimately, my opinion is that the Loch Lomond is just bloody awful.

Overall Rating for the Loch Lomond

Taste: 2  - Mr. Bottle could have drunk it or this would be a solid 1

Presentation: 2  - Starfruit may have pushed it to a 3

Ease of Preparation: 3 - Starfruit might have pushed it to a 2

Drinks Until Blackout: 8 - Only 13% alcohol 

Ingredients

1 oz Scotch Whisky

.5 oz Peach Schnapps

1 oz Blue Curaçao

3 oz Grapefruit Juice

.5 oz Lemon Juice

Rockin’ the Hausfraus

This is what a $1 drink looks like

 Once again we bring back our semi-regular TBIAW feature where we ignore our premise of making a Mr. Boston drink each day and instead review a drink from a local establishment.  This feature probably needs a shorter name because “semi-regular TBIAW feature where we ignore our premise of making a Mr. Boston drink each day and instead review a drink from a local establishment” doesn’t really roll off the tongue.

This time we went to Howl at the Moon, a dueling piano bar in Uptown Charlotte.  We were there because a friend of ours won a VIP happy hour party there and invited us.  They must be using the term “VIP” pretty loosely. I use the term “won” just as loosely, because something tells me that winning one of these parties is akin to winning a prize in a box of Cracker Jack.   We weighed our options of (A) stay in, watch Smallville, and go to bed at 9:15 like we normally do on Friday or (2) go out drinking with friends.  I fought hard for option A, but somehow we ended up going with (2).



This is kind of a big deal for me, because I rarely leave the Bottle Wonderland estate.  I spent days planning my wardrobe and decided to go with the calculated casual look of the untucked dress shirt with a sweater. This would say to everyone else there, “Hey I have nice clothes, but I am too relaxed to tuck in my shirt. I am virile and sensitive.”  This would surely be a turn-on to all of the housewives with whom I would be partying.  Mrs. Bottle would have to work hard to keep me to herself. As departure time neared, I laid out the sweater on the bed giddy with anticipation.  Finally the time arrived to get dressed and I pulled on the sweater. Unfortunately, I looked like a casual overstuffed sausage because the shirt was too puffy and I had to go with a different look.  Next time, ladies.

Lucille's Sweet Tea and a Pom-Lemonata

Our first drinks were a gin & tonic for me and a vodka tonic for Mrs. Bottle.  Nothing too remarkable about them, really.  The main characteristic was “cheap” since as VIPs our first drinks were $1 each.  More remarkable was the negotiations between our party and our waitress as to what constitutes a well drink.  The ladies all wanted something flavored and were repeatedly shot down.  “NO FLAVORS!” the waitress screamed, wishing everyone would just order already so she could wait on the rest of the cheapasses who were there for the $1 drinks.  I’m positive working the VIP parties is sure to generate massive tips. Of course she then told us that although you couldn’t have flavors you could have flavored vodka, so everyone ended up happy and we decided to double her tip.  How much is 30% of $1?



Bubble Bomb don't care 'bout presentation



After we used our $1 drink tickets, we decided to go for some more interesting drinks to honor both the letter of and the intent of our blog.  Luckily Howl at the Moon has an impressive menu of girly drinks.  I chose the Bubble Bomb and Mrs. Bottle got the Pom-Lemonato.  The Bubble Bomb is Three Olives Bubblegum vodka and Red Bull.  I can’t think of a single reason to make bubblegum flavored vodka other than to give teenage girls something to drink.  It was pretty good, though, but I had a sudden urge to go see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never in 3D.  The Pom-Lemonato is UV Pink Lemonade vodka, PAMA pomegranate liqueur, sour mix, and Sprite.  Mrs. Bottle really liked it but I didn’t think the pomegranate and sour went well together. 

The hook at Howl at the Moon is, of course, the dueling pianos (frequently augmented by real instruments). The concept sounded a little cheesy to me but it was surprisingly fun.   Of course it helped me that as a middle aged man I was not close to the oldest person there.  Our group seemed in the middle of the age demographic.  The fact that it was 6:00 on Friday might have had something to do with that but I’m not 100% sure.  The band was good and would play anything requested.  There were a lot of 80’s songs and some country tunes that got the crowd singing along. We requested Rockin’ the Suburbs by the great Ben Folds and it brought the house down.  And by down, I mean subdued. The only people who appreciated it were one piano player, Mrs. Bottle, and me.  Maybe it hit too close to home?  Next time we will stick with Free Bird.

As this entry is already triple the length of a normal one I don’t even have time to get into my failed photobomb attempt, the guy next to us in the shirt four sizes too small, the so-called buffet, the rendition of What’s Up that was probably the must crowd-pleasing song of the night followed by our friend saying “the singer sucked”, or our second waitress arguing about closing our tab and then finding out later she overcharged us.

I wonder what happened on Smallville?

Day 30: Pineapple Upside-Down Drink



Perfectly Floated Grenadine

Today's drink the Jamaican Crawler is rum, melon liqueur, and pineapple juice with a grenadine sink.  The recipe actually calls for a grenadine float, but for some reason we can’t make that work.  Mrs. Bottle poured the grenadine over the back of the spoon just as directed, but it immediately sank to the bottom, like so many of our hopes and dreams.  We didn’t bother trying again like we did with the Angel’s Tip since this drink was more than half an ounce.  Brian Flanagan would be so disappointed in us. 

As I usually do before putting something new into my mouth, I took a big whiff first.  The smell was unpleasant.  This is usually a bad sign but it didn’t stop me from trying it; it probably should have.  The drink tasted like bad fish.  “This is horrible!” I said to Mrs. Bottle, “you try it”.  She replied, “It’s still not as bad as the Canal Street Daisy.”  She agreed it was bad but didn’t agree with me that it tasted like fish.  She thought it was overwhelmingly melon.  She probably would have liked a fish drink more than a melon one.  Mrs. Bottle is not a fan of melon flavored things.  Her distaste for them doesn’t quite burn with the intensity of 1,000 suns, but it as least as fiery as one sun.  If it was partially cloudy that day.



Perfectly Floated Poseidon



I thought there was actually something wrong with the drink other than the sunken grenadine and I suspected it was the pineapple juice.  I thought it might have gone bad.  We determined that the can had been open since the last time there was pineapple in one of our drinks.  If only we had kept some kind of journal or log of our tastings we could figure it out.  It turns out that the pineapple juice was opened on January 17^th, over 2 weeks ago.  Mrs. Bottle had her doubts it could have turned in that time, but I was convinced so we prepared another Jamaican Crawler, this time a half portion. I thought this one was much better than before. 

Mrs. Bottle still thought it sucked.

Overall Rating for the Jamaican Crawler

Taste: 1 if it tastes like fish, 2 if it tastes like melon, 3 if you like fish and melon

Ease of Preparation: 3

Presentation: 4
Drinks until blackout: 7 – 13% alcohol

Ingredients:

1 oz Light Rum
1 oz Melon Liqueur
3 oz Pineapple Juice

1 splash Grenadine

Day 29: Stingers Like a Bee

The Vodka Stinger is the drink we are featuring today.  It is a mix of vodka and crème de menthe.  It is a variation of the classic Stinger, which is brandy and crème de menthe.  The Vodka Stinger is known as a “duo” cocktail, because it contains a spirit and a liqueur and nothing else. Duos tend to be quite strong since there are no mixers to dilute the alcohol. 



Actual Wonder Twins Power Activation

When I think of a strong duo the first thing that comes to mind is Batman and Robin.  The last thing that comes to mind is the Wonder Twins.  I was never a fan of the Wonder Twins and always got annoyed when they showed up on the Super Friends.  In case you aren't familiar with their powers, the sister could change into any animal and the brother could change into anything made out of water or ice. They changed into bizarre items instead of just changing into the most practical thing.  “Form of a giant squid!  Shape of an ice anchor!”  Those just seem like terrible decisions. I guess it was better than making a gopher moat.  Of course when I showed this paragraph to Mrs. Bottle she said that the Wonder Twins were awesome and that the best part of Super Friends was seeing what they would change into next.  Yet another crack in the marriage exposed.

Unlike the Wonder Twins,  the Vodka Stinger was quite good.  It had a nice mint flavor without tasting like mouthwash.  It is pretty strong, though.  At 35% alcohol, it will still kill the germs that cause bad breath.  Mrs. Bottle thought that it might be even better with some chocolate liqueur.  A quick Google search found the Godiva Mint Martini, which is vodka, crème de menthe, and Godiva Chocolate Liqueur.  This would be a “trio” cocktail if the Godiva was creamy but it isn’t so it’s not. It turned out that the Godiva wasn’t chocolate-y enough to make the drink better.  I actually thought it wasn’t quite as good as the Vodka Stinger.

Godiva Right In

If the Godiva Mint Martini was a Super Friend, it would be the Apache Chief.

Overall Rating for the Vodka Stinger

Taste: 4

Ease of Preparation: 4

Presentation: 2 - Looked like water

Drinks until blackout: 4 – 35% alcohol but kind of small

Ingredients:

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Crème de Menthe

Overall Rating for the Godiva Mint Martini

Taste: 3

Ease of Preparation: 4

Presentation: 3

Drinks until blackout: 5 – 27% alcohol

Ingredients:

1 oz Godiva Chocolate Liqueur
.75 oz Vodka
.5 oz Crème de Menthe

Day 28: Azul y naranja

Smurfy

Today's drink the Pacific Sunshine is tequila, blue Curaçao, simple syrup, lemon juice, and bitters.  One of the first things we do when making a drink is choose which of our many liquors to use. We have quite a few tequilas so our choice was fraught with risk. We decided to use Tres Generaciones Plata tequila, one of our favorites.  According to their website it is “smooth and light with a clean tingle”.  I’ve been learning Spanish so I know that Tres Generaciones Plata translates to “Three Generator Plates”.  I’m not sure what generator plates have to do with tequila, but I do know that three generators will create a heck of a tingle.

The Pacific Sunshine is our first drink with blue Curaçao. Curaçao's main flavor component is orange. That isn't quite true as it is actually flavored with the peel of the laraha, which is a cousin of the orange.  Its secondary flavor is blue food coloring and it is finished off with a touch of cedilla.  As best as we can tell, the main reason to use blue Curaçao is to make your drink blue since there are plenty of other orange flavored liqueurs from which to choose.  Logic would dictate that normally you wouldn’t purposely make a drink that looks like Ty-D-Bol, but in some cases it makes sense.  The Pacific Sunshine is one of those cases.



Also confused by drink names



As you can tell from the picture, the drink looks just like the sun over the Pacific Ocean, which really is a lucky break considering the name.  I pointed this out to Mrs. Bottle and she congratulated me for discovering the obvious.  Sometimes her words hurt. I got over the bitter sting of Mrs. Bottle's reply and we focused on the drink. In addition to looking great, this drink tasted great.  It was slightly sweet and let you taste just a touch of the tequila with orange overtones.   The salt-rimmed glass was a nice touch, too, and the salt went well with the sweet drink. The only real flaw was that it didn’t fill the glass to the brim. It was so good that we added it to our (very short so far) best drinks list.

We haven't had that much luck with tequila drinks so far, but maybe this is a good sign.  Now if I can just figure out why a Tequila Sunrise is named what it is.

Overall Rating for the Pacific Sunshine

Taste: 5
Ease of Preparation: 2 - Slicing a lemon and salt rimming the glass? That is a lot of effort!
Presentation: 5
Drinks until blackout: 6 – 22% alcohol

Ingredients:

1.5 oz. Tequila
1.5 oz Blue Curaçao
.75 oz. Lemon Juice
.75 oz. Simple Syrup
1 dash Bitters

Day 27: Maple Sizzurp

What do you get when you combine light rum, lime juice, and maple syrup? The Van Vleet, which just happens to be today’s TBIAW libation. I think it is named after “Hungry” Jack Van Vleet, the inventor of syrup.  We already knew that maple syrup improved waffles, the Cowboy Cocktail, ice cream, spaghetti and sexy time so it was a no-brainer to assume the Van Vleet would be vlantastic.

Pour Some Syrup In Me

Mrs. Bottle thought drinking the Van Vleet was like drinking a waffle.  At first I didn’t realize she meant that as an insult.  I know I would probably buy liquid waffles if they existed, but as far as I can tell, they don’t.  It does turn out that you can smoke waffles, though, if you have electronic cigarettes. I had no idea there was such a large variety of flavors available for electronic cigarettes.    They even make cotton candy flavor.  If you are an adult and you choose to smoke cotton candy flavored electronic cigarettes, you may have a problem.  If you are a kid it is perfectly okay.

Van Fleet

I liked the Van Vleet a little more than Mrs. Bottle did.  The maple syrup’s sweetness balanced the lime juice’s acidity nicely.  It also complemented the rum, which seems to mix well with sweetness, probably because rum is distilled from sugarcane.  The Van Vleet did have a fairly strong maple flavor that seemed a little out of place in a drink.  It could find a maple-lovers niche, though, just like the McGriddles.   It also had a bit of a syrupy mouth feel which became stronger as you approached the bottom of the glass.  One solution to that problem is to add more rum.

That can solve a lot of problems.

Overall Rating for the Van Vleet

Taste: 3 – Would be a four if you were smoking a waffle cigarette
Ease of Preparation: 4
Presentation: 3
Drinks until blackout: 5 – 24% but we recommend light syrup if you are watching your waist

Ingredients:

3 oz. Light Rum
1 oz. Lime Juice
1 oz. Maple Syrup