Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 64: The Joy of Victory

Olympic Cocktail
Olympic Cocktail is presumptuous
with its gold medal color
The Olympic Cocktail consists of brandy, triple sec, and orange juice.  This is our third drink featuring brandy.  The first two both scored a final grade of 3 even though the French judge awarded them each a 5.  We had to throw out his scores though since the French judge had a clear pro-Cognac bias.  Although Pierre’s bias was obvious, differences of opinion based on other factors can occur when you are rating something that is inherently subjective like drink flavor.  Of course, Mrs. Bottle and I are widely acknowledged as tastemakers and our judgments are thoughtful, reliable, hilarious, and unimpeachable.  They are impeachschnappsable, though.

Of course, not everyone has the same integrity and wisdom that we do.  The judging scandals and controversy over the years at the Olympics are too numerous to fully enumerate.  Can something really be a sport if some potentially corrupt or inept judge ultimately decides the winner?  That question was of course rhetorical.  The answer is obviously “no.”  Therefore figure skating, boxing, gymnastics, synchronized swimming, ice dancing, Top Chef, freestyle skiing, dog shows, half-pipe snow (or skate) boarding, diving, and American Idol should all be de-classified as sports and removed from the Olympics.

Removing those “sports” will probably be controversial, but we here at TBIAW are willing to take the heat.  We prefer to see unadulterated competition unsullied by corrupt judges.  We need to see the purity of sport on the court, track or field decided by objective measures and not via the whims of outside observers. Luckily for us, we never claimed that our journey constituted a sport, so we are in the clear.  Of course if a liquor company or other entity wanted to sponsor us, we would be happy to modify our scoring.

Until that day, you can trust us to be as honest as humanly possible.  With that in mind, we are proud to let you know about the Olympic Cocktail.  Our expectations were as low as those of the Jamaican bobsled team, but the drink’s performance was more akin to the Canadian curling team. The drink wasn’t overly sweet and it the brandy provided a nice bite.  It was one of the better drinks we have had to date.  There was also the added bonus of finally finishing a bottle of triple sec that we have had since the Clinton administration. 

Brandy Cocktail Podium
Not only that, but we used Tropicana Pure Premium® Never From Concentrate 100% Pure and Natural Orange Juice with Calcium and Vitamin D.  It has 16 fresh picked oranges squeezed into each carton (specially designed to preserve freshness).  It (the juice) has all the vitamin C you need for a whole day of radiance. We poured ourselves some sunshine.  Note to any potential sponsors: this paragraph is just one example of how we can insert your marketing message seamlessly into TBIAW without raising even the hint of impropriety.

Overall Rating for the Olympic Cocktail

Taste: 4
Presentation: 3
Ease of Preparation: 3 – Would have been a 4 had we used 1 oz of each ingredient instead of the difficult to measure ¾ oz
Drinks Until Blackout: 5 – 20% Alcohol


.75 oz Brandy
.75 oz Triple Sec
.75 oz Orange Juice

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