Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 53: Woman Bites Dog (food)

Electric Jam Cocktail
Electric Blue
For today’s drink we have the Electric Jam, a mixture of vodka, blue Curaçao, simple syrup, lemon juice and Sprite lemon-lime soda.  Being a relatively low-alcohol drink that has soda in it, I was confident we would like it and that confidence was rewarded.  The lemon juice keeps it from being overly sweet and, as usual, the carbonation from the soda gives it a pleasant bite.  The Electric Jam is not only easy on the palate; it is easy on the eyes as well.  There's something about an artificially blue drink that just works. Made a boring looking drink?  Just add blue Curaçao.We’ve already covered the fact that blue Curaçao isn’t made from oranges but tastes like oranges.  This is enough of a segue for me to do some patented TBIAW navel gazing.  Hopefully I won’t find much lint.

I keep telling myself that we are doing this blog for our own entertainment.  For Mrs. Bottle I think it is actually true.  For me, I would love to have more readers. It would give me some kind of validation, however pathetic that may be.  If you are reading this right now I don’t want you to think that you aren’t enough, though. I think you are very special.  Really, it’s not you, it’s me. 

I know that other blogs don’t blow up because they are funnier, more original, or more relevant than TBIAW.  That would be ridiculous.  I think the real issue is that we need a gimmick and I think I may have stumbled on something while I was listening to Howard Stern on the radio.  He had on an animal rights activist who has been trying to get an animal protection law passed in Ohio.

To attract attention to her cause, she has been eating dog food every day and posting the videos on YouTube.  It's not exactly Gandhi's hunger strike, but it must be working, right?  She was on Howard Stern after all.  The King of All Media won’t have just anyone on his show.  Unless, of course, you are a porn star, stripper, or regular woman willing to get naked and/or ride the sybian.  He will also have you on if you have a speech impediment, are transgender, have a high voice, are a little person, or if you are mentally disabled.  I guess it really isn’t as hard to get on his show as I thought.

Regardless, her first dog food video has over 17,000 views.  That is a lot more than the total views of TBIAW since we started it.  If only we had thought to review dog food every day instead of drinking  we could have way more of the attention I crave.   Sample review:  "It sucked.  Again"  I then noticed that her video for day 14 only has 254 views so maybe eating dog food alone isn’t enough to hold an audience.  She must have noticed, too, because the next day she got naked and it got bumped up to 1,724 views.  Of course she wasn’t really naked so the following day the views dropped to under 200.  She got “naked” again a couple of days later, but the genius denizens of the YouTube community could not be fooled a second time and only 375 of them fell for it and she hasn’t gotten above 500 since then.

What did we learn from all this?
1. Eating dog food every day will get you a more attention than drinking a different drink each day but…
2. It will not get you that much more attention unless…
3. You get naked, but…
4. You shouldn’t say you are naked but not show anything

So I think our best bet is to skip the dog food, keep up the drinking, but start doing it fully nude. That might be a little awkward for our family members and co-workers who read this, but you can’t make an omelet without some huevos, so get ready!

Sneak Preview

Overall Rating for Electric Jam

Taste: 4 - So very close to a 5
Presentation: 5
Ease of Preparation: 3
Drinks Until Blackout: 8 – 13% Alcohol

1.25 oz Vodka
.5 oz Blue Curaçao
1 oz Simple Syrup
1 oz Lemon Juice
1 oz Lemon-lime soda

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